The Terrible Hateful Packer Rant of 2005

**PurpleAndy** · 08-17-2005, 06:16 PM

My father has maintained for years now that the Green Bay Packers have cut a deal with the Devil. In exchange for their mortal souls, they have received years of mediocrity with a few lucky playoff runs sprinkled in here and there. It would seem though that in the year of our Lord 2005, the Devil has finally come to collect his due.

The undeniable fact, Packer fans, is that the end is nigh. God, forever a Vikings fan at heart, has sent his angel Rosenhaus to destroy you from within. The savior you call Favre is but a mere painkiller filled shell of the man he once was. The receivers and tight ends, well aware of the Fallen One's tendency to lead them directly into the path of the locomotive known as the Purple People Eaters, are refusing to play. Bubba Franks, Javon Walker, and Robert Ferguson all seem to have achieved enlightenment. Whether or not they will escape the sinking ship of Packerdom remains to be seen. Things are so bad in Packerland, even the plus sized linemen won't stay for the cheese and brats. You know things are bad when a fat man is turning down sausage.

Frankly, I am both disgusted and insulted by the team you've chosen to field this year. The whalloping you shall receive by all teams not named Chicago this year will be so severe, historians will call for an asterix to be placed next to the Vikings Super Bowl victory. After all, it is considered noteworthy when you win the Super Bowl playing against the most poorly assembled team in the history of football.

It's over Green Bay. You, your sausage, your cheese, and your beloved Packers are mine now. I shall keep you in a little box on my dresser and perhaps open you up whenever I want a good chuckle. My Vikings, the fierce warriors of the North, will soon run roughshod over your Titletown. And when the deed is finished, there will be nothing left of Green Bay except the faint aroma of burnt sauerkraut. We shall bring the purple rains upon you, and cleanse your stain from the Earth. You've given your souls to the devil already, and now your asses belong to me.

Get ready Packers. The Norsemen draw near...

**DarrinNelsonguy** · 08-17-2005, 06:49 PM

LOL, that is pretty good man.

**Bowchee** · 08-17-2005, 06:57 PM

Holy Cow, PA! What a rant! I enjoyed it except you may have given too much credit to Fav-ree and you used the term "Titletown". Last I heard, San Fran and Dallas each had five wins to GB's three (and the first two of GB's wins were back when there were only 16 teams to compete for the title). As much as I don't like Dallas and San Fran, that's Titletown(s).

**PurpleTide** · 08-17-2005, 07:34 PM

Pretty Cool... skol vikings.

**Ltrey33** · 08-17-2005, 08:59 PM

I dunno Andy, I have a hard time believing Rosenhaus is an angel.

**VikingsM4** · 08-17-2005, 10:08 PM

Pretty hilarious man... :shock: I dont know what else to say.

**LosAngelis** · 08-17-2005, 11:24 PM

Wow.

Did you call that in to Jim Rome or something?

Do you place in 14 minutes of pregnant pauses between each sentence?

It's okay. You frighten me in that you believe that the Packers domination over the Vikings has been so overwhelming that divine intervention had to be involved. You really think the Packers are that incredible and great?

That's the nicest thing you've ever said to us. Thanks.

**canadian_vikes_fan** · 08-17-2005, 11:50 PM

Rack me. :lol:

**Bowchee** · 08-18-2005, 04:54 PM

"LosAngelis" wrote:

It's okay. You frighten me in that you believe that the Packers domination over the Vikings has been so overwhelming that divine intervention had to be involved. You really think the Packers are that incredible and great?

All-time series against the wackers is 42-44-1 (with two of those being dubious highly slanted gifts from the refs WITH formal apologies). TOTAL domination :roll: .