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Thread: Thank You

  1. #1
    Del Rio Guest

    Thank You

    This is for all of those people who get spammed with chain e-mails.

    Just a good laugh for anyone who has ever gotten a FW:...

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
    glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
    that needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
    Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
    the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
    participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
    out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
    freaks with no eyes or feathers. I can't enjoy a good Latte from
    Starbucks anymore because they WOULD NOT send any coffee to that poor Army Sgt
    who requested it. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I
    smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
    remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
    car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
    number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
    Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now cough
    myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.

    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
    it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in
    the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
    waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
    minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
    this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
    you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
    happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
    husband's cousin's beautician, who is a lawyer.

    Have a wonderful day, and you are welcome !!

  2. #2
    Prophet Guest

    Re: Thank You

    ;D, it's a good thing that I ignore everything, even my own posts.

  3. #3
    NordicNed is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Dec 1969

    Re: Thank You


    Are you trying to tell me that I'm not going to get the 4.5 million that some Nigerian promised me, after I sent him all my personal information and information on all my bank accounts and passwords?....


  4. #4
    jargomcfargo's Avatar
    jargomcfargo is offline Ring of Fame
    Join Date
    Dec 1969

    Re: Thank You

    I'm pretty much in the same boat except for the boils covering my entire body. But I do have a freezer full of Crow in the basement which allows me to post here once in a while.
    Thank you!
    “What takes a quarterback to the next level is not arm strength or mobility or any of that stuff. It’s the ability to play on critical downs. Manage third downs, or red zones or four-minute or two-minute situations"

  5. #5
    damien927's Avatar
    damien927 is offline Asst. Coach
    Join Date
    Dec 1969

    Re: Thank You

    Ned, why would you invest your money in Nigeria???
    Johnny Sunshine, AKA "What money?"
    Promised to double my 10 grand in a local dice game.....
    I can't believe you would invest your hard earned money in such a stupid way!!!!

    Thanks Lotza!

  6. #6
    Prophet Guest

    Re: Thank You

    "damien927" wrote:
    Ned, why would you invest your money in Nigeria???
    Johnny Sunshine, AKA "What money?"
    Promised to double my 10 grand in a local dice game.....
    I can't believe you would invest your hard earned money in such a stupid way!!!!

  7. #7
    BloodyHorns82's Avatar
    BloodyHorns82 is offline Jersey Retired Feed The Frog Champion
    Join Date
    Jun 2006

    Re: Thank You

    That is too priceless!

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