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Thread: So it's over

  1. #11
    slinkey is offline Pro-Bowler
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    Re: So it's over

    I too have surfed the wave.
    It sucks.
    Same type situation; only 2 kids.
    Youngest was 1 when we divorced.
    At least you can have the kid on the weekends and she can get her whoring out of the way while the kid is safe with you.
    Good luck!
    You are not alone.
    Just endeavor to not make the same mistake twice and pick a good mother next time.
    Like me.
    I swore to never get remarried.
    8 years later, I did.
    She is a great mom!

  2. #12
    Json is offline GM
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    Re: So it's over

    I too have surfed the wave.
    It sucks.
    Same type situation; only 2 kids.
    Youngest was 1 when we divorced.
    At least you can have the kid on the weekends and she can get her whoring out of the way while the kid is safe with you.
    Good luck!
    You are not alone.
    Just endeavor to not make the same mistake twice and pick a good mother next time.
    Like me.
    I swore to never get remarried.
    8 years later, I did.
    She is a great mom!
    I am not too worried about finding another woman down the line.
    I just need to make sure the person I pick is much more mature then the one I chose to have a child with.
    My biggest issue is getting my kid from her.
    It's not going to be easy but my first step is to have my son brought to me at the house today and when she leaves I consider that an abandment of sorts of the child.
    It is her who is leaving not me or him.
    She is the one that wanted to move forward and hopefully through the courts eyes they will question her over and over about leaving the child with me.
    All I know as of right now is that I can only pray that this all shakes out the right way for both me and my son.

  3. #13
    scottishvike's Avatar
    scottishvike is offline Hall of Famer
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    Re: So it's over

    Json mate I can't really offer any better advice than what's already been posted but I do hope every works out for you and your son whatever happens from here.

  4. #14
    pack93z's Avatar
    pack93z is offline Team Alumni
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    Re: So it's over

    First.. sorry to hear of your situation.. much to common place these days.

    Second.. IMO, don't try an worsen the relationship anymore than it already is between you and you ex.. it will only make the situation worse. Allow her to drop off your child without much incident and let the emotions clear for a couple of days.

    Once you start the official proceeding of placement, the emotional scars for both sides (the child is young enough yet that the effects will be equal either way.) will become greater and there will be little chance for a reconcilation if that is possible. Don't know the situation, so throwing it out there.. my divorce.. once we began the placement process and she started throwing accusations about me to make her look better in the courts eyes.. it was very difficult to talk to her even if my children needed that at that point.

    Like others have said.. after that.. focus on your childs well being and reach out for help in watching after the child. Additionally.. if you are awarded even temporary custody.. you can apply for state help in some of the expenses..

    Good luck and my prayers go out to you and yours.

  5. #15
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: So it's over

    Sorry about your situation, you did the right thing by standing up for yourself.
    I finally did that and I'm happy for the first time in my life.


  6. #16
    Garland Greene's Avatar
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    Re: So it's over

    "cajunvike" wrote:
    "Json" wrote:
    I'll start by saying thanks for all the advice and support guys.
    I am in a terrible situation but to make light of everything I did speak with her over the phone about an hour ago and I have convinced her to bring the child to me being that this has been his home for 2 years now.
    I told her that while she gets her life together it would be best that the child stays with me and not her being that she has no idea what way is up or down at this point and being at his home is the best plan of action for him.
    With that said, I am now wondering what I do if she does drop him off and leave?
    Do I call social services and explain to them what has happened and how she left him here with me and left?
    I would imagine that it would help my cause in the long run in the eyes of the judge?
    I am so lost right now mentally and being that I am trying to go at this will a clear mind it's extremely difficult and want nothing more then to make the right decision for both myself and my son.
    The other down fall is that if I do take my son I still have to go to work Monday-Friday and no sitter or really no money for daycare right this moment.
    I am completly lost on what to do at this point, which is so hard being that these few decisions might be some of the most critical decisions in my life time.
    Begin by assessing what resource you DO have at your disposal.
    Family to help take care of him while you are at work?
    Friends that might be able to help in some way?
    Neighbors that may be able to work out some type of trade (they take care of him and you cut their grass on the weekends or some such arrangement)?
    The more resourceful you get, the better you will find the solution that works best for you...or a combination of solutions.
    MOST IMPORTANTLY, your child will see that his dad will do practically whatever it takes to give him the best possible home...and that his dad cares enough about him to work as hard as he can to provide a loving and safe environment for him.
    My nephew was in somewhat the same situation (except he didn't actually live with the mother of his son), but between my sister (his mom), my mom and others, they fill the gap between what the baby mama can provide and what she can't (the son still lives with the baby mama, but that is only because my nephew [who is now married to someone else] can't get total custody).
    You would be amazed how many people can help in small ways if you only ask.
    Be prepared to do for others in unconventional ways and it will come back to you tenfold.
    Like what Cajun Said. Look for resources. Go to the county and see what you qualify for. Worse they can say is no,. Which can be a good thing as well since some other agencies will only work with you if the county says no.
    Ask people at work about who the use for daycare, even though it may still be a stranger, you at least know of other people that use them. Check to se if you qualify fo things like WIC It is actually easier to qualify than most people think. its not alot that you get but it is something. We used it for our first child, and we were both working, but my Son needed special formula that was covered by WIC granted it was not alot but the vouchers for the Formula alone were a life saver for us. I am not sure were you live but there are alot of resources out there for families just like your situation and I would also look at what single Dad progrmas are out there. Good Luck!

  7. #17
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: So it's over

    "Json" wrote:
    I'll start by saying thanks for all the advice and support guys.
    I am in a terrible situation but to make light of everything I did speak with her over the phone about an hour ago and I have convinced her to bring the child to me being that this has been his home for 2 years now.
    I told her that while she gets her life together it would be best that the child stays with me and not her being that she has no idea what way is up or down at this point and being at his home is the best plan of action for him.
    With that said, I am now wondering what I do if she does drop him off and leave?
    Do I call social services and explain to them what has happened and how she left him here with me and left?
    I would imagine that it would help my cause in the long run in the eyes of the judge?
    I am so lost right now mentally and being that I am trying to go at this will a clear mind it's extremely difficult and want nothing more then to make the right decision for both myself and my son.
    The other down fall is that if I do take my son I still have to go to work Monday-Friday and no sitter or really no money for daycare right this moment.
    I am completly lost on what to do at this point, which is so hard being that these few decisions might be some of the most critical decisions in my life time.
    Not a leagal beagle by any means but I believe that the longer she leaves him with you the better the case for abandonment.

    I would focus on getting him a good babysitter/day care as a first step and then see what happens over time.


    Again, I would get a lawyer involved to make sure yutz's like me, although well intended, are giving you wise council and will help with getting the proper focus on what you should do.
    I suspect there is some sort of legal aide or something like that in your area that can help for little or nothing to get the ball rolling.
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  8. #18
    Freya's Avatar
    Freya is offline Team Alumni
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    Re: So it's over

    Listen to your gut. Remember that this too shall pass. Fight the good fight for your son and yourself. Stay focused on your desired outcome. Always.

    Everything happens for a reason. The hard part is figuring out the reason. I know.

    LLnP





    Personally, I don't think there is intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

  9. #19
    GALLY is offline Starter
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    Re: So it's over

    Whatever you don't put the kid in the middle of the breakup.
    Don't use the kid as a pawn to get back at each other.
    That is the worst thing that could happen.
    The breakup should be kept totally separate from the kid.
    Don't bad mouth each other in front of the kid.
    Hopefully you both can be reasonable and do what's best for the kid because that's the most important thing here.

  10. #20
    C Mac D's Avatar
    C Mac D is offline Posting to P'own
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    Re: So it's over

    Sorry to hear about this. I've always found life simpler with less women in it, anyways. Welcome to bachelor-hood again.
    Disclaimer: I'm an idiot.

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