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Thread: So it's over

  1. #1
    Json is offline GM
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    So it's over

    Over the weekend I'm sure most of you had a safe and wonderful holiday but I am unable to say the same myself.
    After weeks of b.s. between me and my fiance I finally kicked her out of the house yesterday.
    She took our 2 year old with her and now I'm obviously stuck in a horrible spot of uncertainty and confusion.
    I have been with this person for over 3 years and as most relationships tend to do over that long of a period is you don’t just lose a fiancé you also lose your best friend.
    To add to it we do have a child together I feel just awful about what type of situation he is in at the time.
    I grew up with step dads in my life and I will say from first hand experience that life was not easy by any means for me and I was a pretty troubled kid in my teenage years and I still feel most of that comes from the environment of insecurity as a child.


    The reason I finally kicked her out was due to her trying to make me play mom and dad all of the time while she has free roam whenever she felt like it.
    She thought I’d sit back and just allow her to walk all over me and stick me with our son at all times while she would go out and act like a teenager.
    Which isn’t all that far off considering she is only 23 and it seems she’s going through her mid 20 life crisis.
    It’s just unfortunate some people are unable to be mature enough about things to make the correct decisions for the child rather then for themselves all the time.


    I’m sure many other PPO members have went through times like these and being that I’m going through such a rough stretch right now, any feedback, words of support, and just some good old fashioned advice would be welcome with open arms at this time.

    Thanks for letting me rant a little, I already feel a tidbit better by just writing this post.

  2. #2
    cajunvike's Avatar
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    Re: So it's over

    You did the right thing...IMO

    And as long as you attempt to stay as close to your son as you possibly can, I don't see any problems coming from your not living in the same house as him.
    Heck, maybe one day he will choose to live with you instead of her (especially if she can't provide a stable home for him).

    Keep ya head up...and congrats for sticking up for yourself.
    It takes a strong person to do that.
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  3. #3
    Garland Greene's Avatar
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    Re: So it's over

    No matter what happens between you and Mom just make sure you are there for you child, providing support.
    This may sound harsh and I apologize but I have had 2 buddies get burned from this. Any Financial support you provide make sure you have documentation. Even if she says "He needs $20 for a perscription" Get a cashiers/bank check that way youy have documentation saying that you gave them money and what for. Both of my buddies basically gave cash for everything. Mom went to judge
    to say that they were not providing support since he had no proof and it ws here word against his they have judgements against them.
    I hope this is noty the case in any way for you, but I have seen it happen. EIther way good luck man!

  4. #4
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Re: So it's over

    Sorry to hear that.
    Wait for the dust to settle and see what transpires.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  5. #5
    El Vikingo's Avatar
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    Re: So it's over

    The bottom line in my opinion is YOU
    took the decision,after some time of thinking about it I guess, I guess you could be a little scared about what would happen with your child ,don´t blame yourself for it,you can´t sacrifice your entire life for it,your child
    can
    grow up phisically healthy ,most of my mates come from separates couples and they are really really good and healthy persons,keep the faith Json time will prove you took the rigth way for you and your child.

    Why are
    women
    so complicated? 32 here
    and still single.
    El underdog.

  6. #6
    NordicNed is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: So it's over

    Json,




    sorry to read your in a tough spot right now.
    My only word of advise to you, start a log book or diary type writing, and make notes and post's every day, and I meen every day!
    Both good and bad happenings between you 3 also.....And if she does come back, keep it in a well hidden place, hopefully away from your own home, and still continue to make a daily log.




    If things are as you say, it not right the way you are being treated...sounds to me like you should have your son now. not her....But learn and practice how to protect yourself from this day on..





    Ned


    I LOVE THE SMELL OF VICTORY IN THE MORNING AIR.

  7. #7
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: So it's over

    Sorry to hear that my friend.

    Everyone has given you some pretty good advice.
    I would just add one thing, maybe, if your life allows it, you should try to get custody.

    If she is the free spirit you describe her to be, it would probably be better for your child and maybe she won't fight you to hard for custody.

    Just a thought.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as you figure this one out.
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  8. #8
    Json is offline GM
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    Re: So it's over

    I'll start by saying thanks for all the advice and support guys.
    I am in a terrible situation but to make light of everything I did speak with her over the phone about an hour ago and I have convinced her to bring the child to me being that this has been his home for 2 years now.
    I told her that while she gets her life together it would be best that the child stays with me and not her being that she has no idea what way is up or down at this point and being at his home is the best plan of action for him.
    With that said, I am now wondering what I do if she does drop him off and leave?
    Do I call social services and explain to them what has happened and how she left him here with me and left?
    I would imagine that it would help my cause in the long run in the eyes of the judge?
    I am so lost right now mentally and being that I am trying to go at this will a clear mind it's extremely difficult and want nothing more then to make the right decision for both myself and my son.
    The other down fall is that if I do take my son I still have to go to work Monday-Friday and no sitter or really no money for daycare right this moment.
    I am completly lost on what to do at this point, which is so hard being that these few decisions might be some of the most critical decisions in my life time.

  9. #9
    cajunvike's Avatar
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    Re: So it's over

    "Json" wrote:
    I'll start by saying thanks for all the advice and support guys.
    I am in a terrible situation but to make light of everything I did speak with her over the phone about an hour ago and I have convinced her to bring the child to me being that this has been his home for 2 years now.
    I told her that while she gets her life together it would be best that the child stays with me and not her being that she has no idea what way is up or down at this point and being at his home is the best plan of action for him.
    With that said, I am now wondering what I do if she does drop him off and leave?
    Do I call social services and explain to them what has happened and how she left him here with me and left?
    I would imagine that it would help my cause in the long run in the eyes of the judge?
    I am so lost right now mentally and being that I am trying to go at this will a clear mind it's extremely difficult and want nothing more then to make the right decision for both myself and my son.
    The other down fall is that if I do take my son I still have to go to work Monday-Friday and no sitter or really no money for daycare right this moment.
    I am completly lost on what to do at this point, which is so hard being that these few decisions might be some of the most critical decisions in my life time.
    Begin by assessing what resource you DO have at your disposal.
    Family to help take care of him while you are at work?
    Friends that might be able to help in some way?
    Neighbors that may be able to work out some type of trade (they take care of him and you cut their grass on the weekends or some such arrangement)?
    The more resourceful you get, the better you will find the solution that works best for you...or a combination of solutions.
    MOST IMPORTANTLY, your child will see that his dad will do practically whatever it takes to give him the best possible home...and that his dad cares enough about him to work as hard as he can to provide a loving and safe environment for him.
    My nephew was in somewhat the same situation (except he didn't actually live with the mother of his son), but between my sister (his mom), my mom and others, they fill the gap between what the baby mama can provide and what she can't (the son still lives with the baby mama, but that is only because my nephew [who is now married to someone else] can't get total custody).
    You would be amazed how many people can help in small ways if you only ask.
    Be prepared to do for others in unconventional ways and it will come back to you tenfold.
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  10. #10
    cogitans is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: So it's over

    I'm sorry to hear about the situation you have been put in.

    I hope you find a way to move on, but mostly I hope that you get to see your child in the future without too much trouble with her.

    Thanks to PPE for the sig.

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