Thread: The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

"Viking_Queen" wrote:

lol that so made me laugh...that is totally my relationship but total role reversial. I like the sports and he doesn't but I drag him along anyway
;D All for a good cause Im trying to make him a Viking fan!

You need to dump that chump and get you a REAL Viking man...one who can also keep you totally satisfied..IYKWIM!!!

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.

Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.

B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.

C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.
By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.

Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.
Rule 2-a above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.
B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.

C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.
Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear”).

Clause 3: The Bedroom
A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.

B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.

Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.

B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.

Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.

B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guy’s Night.

C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.

D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:
She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.

Clause 5: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.
The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or coworkers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.
By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents.



______________________________
Print your name



______________________________
Signature



______________________________
Date

That part cracked me up.

"Purplexing" wrote:

"VKG4LFE" wrote:

Would a woman really sit down and read that whole thing? Highly unlikey, they would rip it up in our faces!

So, are you telling me that you don't completely read the EULA's when you install new software or hardware on your PC (system) ?

I found typos in a few and reported it to the manufacturer.
The particular EULA was a few years old.
I thought; why hasn't anyone caught and reported these typos yet?

Have you really read one of those damn things. They just go on and on , I think it would take the average person hours to get through one and then if you disagree with the last line you are screwed because you don't have alot of options.

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

"singersp" wrote:

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

After you are married, you will be lucky if she allows you to even joke about this!

"cajunvike" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

After you are married, you will be lucky if she allows you to even joke about this!

Hey, his sig did dissapear when he was gone

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

After you are married, you will be lucky if she allows you to even joke about this!

Hey, his sig did dissapear when he was gone

I see you picked up on that. That was intentional. I figured if I was going to get on PP.O when I was in Cebu, she would be looking over my shoulder when I was posting.

I just wanted to avoid answering extra questions & defending myself.

"singersp" wrote:

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

After you are married, you will be lucky if she allows you to even joke about this!

Hey, his sig did dissapear when he was gone

I see you picked up on that. That was intentional. I figured if I was going to get on PP.O when I was in Cebu, she would be looking over my shoulder when I was posting.

I just wanted to avoid answering extra questions & defending myself.

chicken

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

After you are married, you will be lucky if she allows you to even joke about this!

Hey, his sig did dissapear when he was gone

I see you picked up on that. That was intentional. I figured if I was going to get on PP.O when I was in Cebu, she would be looking over my shoulder when I was posting.

I just wanted to avoid answering extra questions & defending myself.

chicken

ROTFLMAO!!!

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"singersp" wrote:

The Perfect Girlfriend Contract

...........and the perfect girlfriend to go along with it;

[img width=400 height=477]http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b21/singersp82759/Perfect_20Woman2.jpg[/img]

After you are married, you will be lucky if she allows you to even joke about this!

Hey, his sig did dissapear when he was gone

I see you picked up on that. That was intentional. I figured if I was going to get on PP.O when I was in Cebu, she would be looking over my shoulder when I was posting.

I just wanted to avoid answering extra questions & defending myself.

chicken

You were married once.

I'm surprised you haven't learned anything yet.

It's best to avoid the possibilty of having to answer questions & relying on wit, when you can prevent the questions from being asked in the first place.


Relationships 101.

When you are up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to explain that your main objective was to drain the swamp.