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  1. #11
    josdin00's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    Mahatma Ghandi was known to walk barefoot all the time during his life, and therefore had built up an impressive set of callouses on the bottom of his feet. He also fasted a lot, and his odd dietary habits caused him to become rather frail, and gave him a permanent case of bad breath.

    That made him a super-calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.

  2. #12
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    Pulling a Fast One
    John and his date were parked on a secluded dirt road and started to
    make out hot and heavy. His date stopped and said, "I really should have
    told you this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for
    sex."
    John pulled a twenty out of his billfold and proceeded to have his way
    with her. After a cigarette, John just sat in the driver's seat starring
    out the window.
    The woman asked him, "Why aren't we going anywhere?" John replied,
    "Well, I really should have told you THIS earlier." "I am actually a
    taxi cab driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  3. #13
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    Okay, you guys will like the screen cleaner at this link....

    Edit *nudity*

    :sign5:
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  4. #14
    cajunvike's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    Pulling a Fast One
    John and his date were parked on a secluded dirt road and started to
    make out hot and heavy. His date stopped and said, "I really should have
    told you this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for
    sex."
    John pulled a twenty out of his billfold and proceeded to have his way
    with her. After a cigarette, John just sat in the driver's seat starring
    out the window.
    The woman asked him, "Why aren't we going anywhere?" John replied,
    "Well, I really should have told you THIS earlier." "I am actually a
    taxi cab driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
    Score ONE for the guys! :cheers:
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  5. #15
    vikingTurf Guest

    Re: Official Joke Page

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    Okay, you guys will like the screen cleaner at this link....

    Edit *nudity*

    :sign5:
    lucky monitor :wink:

  6. #16
    fabybaby32's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    My wife left me... I don't understand.
    > >> After our last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on
    > >> expenses.
    > >> I had to give up drinking beer.
    > >> I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.
    > >>
    > >> Anyway, I gave it up, but I noticed the other day when she came
    home
    > >> from grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.
    > >>
    > >> I said, "Wait a minute. I've given up beer and you haven't given
    up
    > >> anything!"
    > >>
    > >> She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for
    you."
    > >>
    > >> I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"
    > >>
    > >> I don't think she'll be back.
    > >

  7. #17
    fabybaby32's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert
    > for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men
    fell
    > sound asleep.
    >
    > Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger
    > and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
    >
    > The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
    >
    > "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
    >
    > The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
    > "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of
    > galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically,
    > it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to
    > be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
    > Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and
    > we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
    > seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
    > What's it tell you, Tonto?"
    >
    > Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo
    > Sabe, you dumber than buffalo shit. It means
    > someone stole tent."

  8. #18
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    Spanish lesson

    A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that
    in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated
    as either masculine or feminine. "House" for
    instance, is feminine: "la casa."? "Pencil,"
    however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

    A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

    Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split
    the class into two groups, male and female, and
    asked them to decide for themselves whether
    "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine
    noun.

    Each group was asked to give four reasons for its
    recommendation.

    The men's group decided that "computer" should !
    definitely be of the feminine gender ("la
    computer"), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their
    internal logic;

    2. The native language they use to communicate
    with other computers is incomprehensible to
    everyone else;

    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long
    term memory for possible later retrieval; and

    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
    find yourself spending half your paycheck on
    accessories for it.

    (No chuckling... this gets better!)

    The women's group, however, concluded that
    computers should be Masculine ("el computer"),
    because:

    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to
    turn them on;

    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think
    for themselves;

    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,
    but half the time they ARE the problem;

    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that
    if you had waited a little longer, you could have
    gotten a better model.

    The women won.
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  9. #19
    WBLVikeBabe's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    hahah Fedje that is awesome!!!!

    [move]My beautiful sig made by the one and only PPE![/move]

  10. #20
    NordicNed is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page

    Love it Fedje,

    If you shake your mouse back and forth really fast, it does weird things...

    I okay to shake my mouse, isn't it?......


    I LOVE THE SMELL OF VICTORY IN THE MORNING AIR.

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