Thread: Official Joke Page

I don't know if this has been done or not, if it has I haven't seen it. So maybe it's time for a new one to be started. Let's try to keep them within reason, okay?

I'll start it off with this one:


3 OLD GRANNIES

Three old mischievous grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a
nursing home. About then an old grandpa walked by, and one of the
old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how
old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it, you old
fools."

One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your
under shorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers. The grandmas
stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of
times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then
they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!"

"How in the world did you guess?!?"

The ornery old grandmas, snickered and laughed. Slapping their
knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in
unison, "Because you told us yesterday!

Ok this one is kinda sac religious, so if you are touchy in that area don't read it.. But anyway. (this is a joke, yes) Why did all the ladies like Jesus?





Cuz he was hung well! Duh...

Yo mamma so hairy, she has to part her hair just to go to the bathroom.

Yo mamma armpits so hairy, it looks like she has Don King in the headlock.

More to come...

I WANT TO BE PRESIDENT.

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand. - The Senator asks him what his name is?

"Kenneth."

"And what is your question, Kenneth?"

"I have three questions:"

"First - Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's 8 years in the office as President?"

"Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?"

"Third - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says,
"Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time.

Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is?

"Larry."

"And what is your question, Larry?"

"I have five questions:"

"First - Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's 8 years in the office as President?"

"Second - Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?"

"Third - Whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

"Fourth - Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

"Fifth - What happened to Kenneth?"

What did the one potato chip say to the other potato chip?




If you're not Herrs, I'm fito-lay.

Uh-Oh... Not politics.. In that case here are some of my jokes-

George W. Bush.

OK OK.. I'm done.. no more politics.. sorry webby. :lol:

What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom?





























Your a fungi! (get it fungi=fun guy!)

A Montana Highway Patrolman pulled a car over on I-90 near Bozeman.

When the Patrolman asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a Shrine Clown with a specialty as a magician and juggler, and he was on his way to Spokane to do a show that night at the Shrine Hospital and didn't want to be late.

The Patrolman told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Patrolman that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could, so the Patrolman got three flares, lit them, and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk good old boy from Glendive, who had spent the day visiting various establishments on the way from Butte, got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Patrolman observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the rather "well oiled" fellow what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take me to jail, 'cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the
bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the
pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..."

"Dang!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money?"

"Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to
the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot
of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"

"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and
each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say:

"$20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way,
what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....

It's a football joke which you've probably already heard but, I'm throwing it out there anyways.

Did you hear that the Post Office has just recalled their latest stamp?

It seems they had photos of Raider players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.