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Thread: My new diet

  1. #1
    COJOMAY is offline Jersey Retired
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    My new diet

    I used to have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a fifty pound bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
    On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting 'The Purina Diet' again, although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out all over and I-Vs in both arms.
    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
    Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no, I had been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
    I thought the tall guy was going to have to stagger out the door, he was laughing so hard.
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  2. #2
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: My new diet

    :lol: :lol:

  3. #3
    boognish's Avatar
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    Re: My new diet

    LMAO!! :lol: Sign me up for any diet that give me the ability to lick my own balls :wink:
    I am a dipshit!!!

  4. #4
    Prophet Guest

    Re: My new diet

    :shock:, good work :lol:. Now there will be a spike in dog food sales.

  5. #5
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Re: My new diet

    "boognish" wrote:
    LMAO!! :lol: Sign me up for any diet that give me the ability to lick my own balls :wink:
    Did you ever see the SNL skit where Will Ferrel took yoga so he could do that?

  6. #6
    michaelmazid is offline Team Alumni
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    Re: My new diet

    thats awesome

  7. #7
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    Re: My new diet

    That reminds me of something that happened to my sister. She bought what she thought was beef jerky . She took a bite of one and thought “ eew , these don’t taste very good”. She looked at the can and realized they were dog jerky treats. She took them back to return them and told the lady there that maybe they shouldn’t put these next to the people snacks because she actually ate one by mistake. All the lady had to say was “you’re not going to start barking are you?”

    I'm exercising my ass by doing flexing exercises while typing. Prophet 3:42pm March 16, 2007
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  8. #8
    Prophet Guest

    Re: My new diet

    "countrygirl" wrote:
    That reminds me of something that happened to my sister...
    :shock: , I was wondering where that was going. :lol:

  9. #9
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    Re: My new diet

    "COJOMAY" wrote:
    I used to have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a fifty pound bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
    On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting 'The Purina Diet' again, although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out all over and I-Vs in both arms.
    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
    Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no, I had been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
    I thought the tall guy was going to have to stagger out the door, he was laughing so hard.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
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  10. #10
    cajunvike's Avatar
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    Re: My new diet

    "COJOMAY" wrote:
    I used to have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a fifty pound bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
    On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting 'The Purina Diet' again, although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out all over and I-Vs in both arms.
    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
    Practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no, I had been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
    I thought the tall guy was going to have to stagger out the door, he was laughing so hard.
    :laughing3:
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

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