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  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Oct 2006

    Medical Records Request Making Barry Bonds Wish He’d Never Visited Doctor For Sm

    Medical Records Request Making Barry Bonds Wish He’d Never Visited Doctor For Smalldongitis

    Today’s news that Sen. George Mitchell has sought the medical records of several high-profile players as part of his investigation into steroids use in baseball has many players on edge. Most notably Giants slugger Barry Bonds, who has told friends he is worried the release of medical records will reveal to the public that he once visited a doctor for an ailment he calls “smalldongitis.”

    “Barry never took any steroids. Never has and never will,” said his agent, Jeff Borris. “And his medical records will prove that. However, we do not want his medical records made public or seen by anyone. It’s an invasion of privacy. There is certain information in there that Barry does not want to get out. And I can understand why – it’s very embarrassing.”

    Bonds’s former girlfriend, Kimberly Bell, confirms that the Giants star once sought medical help for smalldongitis.

    “Ever since I’ve known Barry he was afflicted with smalldongitis,” said Bell. “I think he’s had it since birth. And that’s what I believe has always made him so surly. Sure, he is big and strong and talented and handsome and intelligent, but he’s got a small dong. He’s got smalldongitis. And that has pecked away at him all his life like a tiny little dong poking away at a regular-sized vagina. In fact, I’m the one who suggested he go to the doctor for his smalldongitis.”

    San Francisco physician Dr. Emerson Wilson, while not the doctor who looked at Bonds’ smalldongitis, says he has treated numerous men over the years with the condition.

    “It’s actually not called ‘smalldongitis,’” said Dr. Wilson. “That’s just a kind of layman’s term for it. There is a very complex medical term for the condition, in fact – it’s called ‘micropenis.’ And that’s probably what Mr. Bonds has. He has him a micropenis – or, yes, smalldongitis, to stay away from confusing medical lingo. The biggest issue with smalldongitis, other than being unable to perform sexually, is the psychological issues the afflicted face. And the last thing someone like Bonds would want is the whole world to know they are a smalldongitis sufferer. As a doctor, I would suggest baseball reconsider seizing his medical records.”

    Bonds says this latest intrusion into his privacy is just another desperate attempt to discredit him.

    “I’m just a few home runs away from Hank Aaron now and people are trying to bring me down any way they can,” he said. “But I will fight to keep my medical records private. There’s nothing big in there, it’s just not something I want to get out. And, really, it’s nothing big. And I mean literally. Figuratively it’s huge and would really embarrass me.”
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
    tb04512's Avatar
    tb04512 is offline Team Alumni
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    Sep 2006

    Re: Medical Records Request Making Barry Bonds Wish He’d Never Visited Doctor Fo

    wow prophet... another one? lol smalldongitis lol

    Thanks josdin00

  3. #3
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Apr 2006

    Re: Medical Records Request Making Barry Bonds Wish He’d Never Visited Doctor For Sm

    I always knew Bonds got his strength from onion juice.

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