Yo yo.. So my guy friends and I created a council. COMA. Council On Manly Activities. And one of our tasks is to write a book full of man laws.
Here's what we've got so far:
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.
Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
The rules for talking in the bathroom are as follows:
A) Talking is allowed if it is only you and your friends in the bathroom.
B) Talking is allowed if it is only you and one close friend in the bathroom.
C) Talking is forbidden if it is only you and one stranger in the bathroom, unless, of course, you are conversing about the amount of poop in a toilet that was left there as a surprise.
D) If there is more than one group in the bathroom, then the largest group is trusted with the job of instigating conversation. Under no circumstance may the smaller group instigate or partake in its own conversation.
E) If you are in conjoining stalls, then there is no stipulation on whether or not you may talk. You determine whether you wish to instigate conversation, but we do suggest refering to your stallmates for advice on crossword puzzles.
F) If there is a drop/splash contest in progress then all rules are considered null and void. You may cheer as much as you wish, and as loudly as you wish, for the contestant of your choosing.
The rules for urinal selection are as follows:
A) Under NO circumstance may you use the short urinal. Unless you are a child or a midget, the short-stall's plumbing is out of order.
B) Under NO circumstance may you use the middle urinal.
C) Under NO circumstance may you use the urinal directly next to an occupied urinal. For example, if there are 5 urinals in a bathroom, and urinals 2 and 4 are occupied, then you must wait until one of the men urinating is finished. The fear of "package comparison" is to great to deal with being that close.
D) Under NO circumstances may you look south of the waistline at anyone. Including yourself. Vanity time needs to wait till you're in the shower.
Guy's don't spend the night, have sleep overs or slumber parties. They chill/hang out at other guys' houses. Unless, of course, they are asking permission from their mother. In this case, spend the night is the proper term. If you said you were going to chill/hang out at a friend's house to your mom, then she would expect you home before the night is over.
Control of the remote control goes to the oldest male in the room, unless, of course, there are political figures in the room. In this case, the highest ranking political official is granted control of the remote.
Under NO circumstance may you instigate a serious conversation about your girlfriend with your father. In the event that your father brings up your girlfriend in a conversation, you must make the conversation as short as possible, and say as little on the subject as you possibly can.
Once a friend ANNOUNCES his Ã¢â‚¬Å“dibbsÃ¢â‚¬Â on a girl, then under NO circumstance may one of his friends go for the girl, unless, of course, the girl likes one of the ANNOUCERÃ¢â‚¬â„¢S friends and the ANNOUNCER gives his friend the blessing. This is only applicable to those who share their intentions with other men.
If a man has not announced his intentions with a girl, but is overtly flirting with her, then under NO circumstance may another man break in and attempt to woo the girl. There are no exceptions to this clause.
There are certain songs that NO MAN should be able to utter in the presence of other men. These songs include, but are not limited to, any song by Britney Spears, N*Sync, The Backstreet Boys, or Jennifer Lopez. Musicals are forbidden with very few exceptions, but RENT is never an exception. However, when attempting to woo a young woman, any song is allowable except for Ã¢â‚¬Å“The Way You Look TonightÃ¢â‚¬Â as performed by Harry Connick Jr.
Any other man laws would be greatly appreciated.
Your man law that you submit will go before COMA, voted on, and possibly put in..
Eventually the hope is to get these man laws divided into section (girls, sports, bathroom ettiquette.. etc)