Page 1 of 12 12311 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 113
  1. #1
    Paulbedy59's Avatar
    Paulbedy59 is offline Coordinator
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    708

    Lets hear your best Joke!!

    Just love a good joke...This couple wants to join a church,so with two other couples they are given a month to complete a test.For the month they have to 1)go to church at least once a week 2)Give a donation to charity every week.3)abstain from sex for the entire month.After the month passes the 3 couples meet with the priest.He ask the first couple how they did?They say well we went to church once a week,gave 25.00$ a week and had no sex!The priest shakes thier hands and says well welcome to the church.The second couple says well we went to church twice a week,gave 50.00$ and had no sex either!The priest says outstanding and welcomes them into the church.The third couple says we went to church 4 times a week,and gave 100.00$ a week.Amazing says the priest,but what about the sex?Well says the couple.we did pretty good up until the last week,then we kind of messed up.My lord says the priest what happened?Well the husband says we were doing great until this one day,my wife was bending over getting a can of beans,and well I couldn,t help myself! I grabbed ahold of her and I gave it to her hard and fast!Oh my says the priest,thats too bad.I can,t let you into the church.The husband says thats okay,they won,t let us into Meyers anymore either!!
    If winning isn,t everything,why keep score?

  2. #2
    24Viking is offline Waterboy
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    4

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    Two guys are at the zoo in front of the lions den. One of them is a Vikings fan the other is a Packer fan.The Packer fan falls into the the den and is eaten by the lion. When the lion get done eating the Packer fan he starts to lick his butt. The zoo keeper shows up and the Viking fan explains what has just happened. The Viking fan asked why in the world is the lion licking his butt for. The zookeeper tells him that the lion is trying to get the taste out of his mouth.

  3. #3
    coreyd is offline Coach
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    924

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    AMAZING NEWS

    A few weeks ago, my friend told me that his wife of 10 years approached him and told him that she wanted breast implants.

    I said "Wow, your wife would look pretty hot with bigger boobs!" Then I asked "What did you tell her man?"

    He told me that he heard if women rubbed toilet paper between their breasts, that they were suppose to get bigger. So, thats what he told her to do. He said "Baby, if that doesnt work than I will take you to the doctor myself and pay for the surgery!"

    A week later we met at work at our usual spot and I asked him how everything was going with the "Situation at home", and his reply was "Not so great, she tried it for a week and nothing happened. So, I told her to give it a try for another week, and we will go from there."

    Well, today was the first time I had seen him since that day, and I had to ask him if her breast got bigger!

    He told me "Nope, it didnt work out! As a matter of fact, she is pissed off now! Even after I told her I would pay for her to get new breast!"

    "Well...why?" I asked...

    Then he told me what happened......
    "Last night she approached me and asked if they were getting bigger. And, since they werent I told her no.'Then she asked me where I heard this would work' and I told her "Nowhere."

    So then she flew off the handle and asked "Then why the hell have I been rubbing toilet paper in between my breasts?"

    Then I snapped and said "Well it has been working for your @$$ for the last ten years I figured I would give it a shot!"

    (I hope I didnt offend any women in here)

  4. #4
    Ltrey33 is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    8,618

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    Heard this one on the Don and Mike Show from Washington DC...it's an oldie but a good...

    A guy gets a call from his doctor and the Dr. says "I need you to come to the hospital right away your wife has been in a car accident." So the guy rushes to the hospital and sees the doc, and the doc says to him

    "Well, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

    "Give me the bad news first," he replies.

    "Well, your wife sustained massive head trauma in the accident. She's pretty much a vegetable. She has some motor functions but will not be able to bathe, feed, go to the bathroom, or really do any simple thing by herself. Its up to you as your primary care giver to take care of her."

    The man thinks on this a minute and lets it set in. "Oh my God. What am I going to do? What did I ever do to deserve this? I just don't know if I can do it! Why?! Why?! Why?!" and begins to sob.

    The Dr. replies, "Well here's the good news: I'm just f***in with ya, she's dead."

  5. #5
    Angryviking's Avatar
    Angryviking is offline Starter
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    292

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    "ltrey33" wrote:
    Heard this one on the Don and Mike Show from Washington DC...it's an oldie but a good...

    A guy gets a call from his doctor and the Dr. says "I need you to come to the hospital right away your wife has been in a car accident." So the guy rushes to the hospital and sees the doc, and the doc says to him

    "Well, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"

    "Give me the bad news first," he replies.

    "Well, your wife sustained massive head trauma in the accident. She's pretty much a vegetable. She has some motor functions but will not be able to bathe, feed, go to the bathroom, or really do any simple thing by herself. Its up to you as your primary care giver to take care of her."

    The man thinks on this a minute and lets it set in. "Oh my God. What am I going to do? What did I ever do to deserve this? I just don't know if I can do it! Why?! Why?! Why?!" and begins to sob.

    The Dr. replies, "Well here's the good news: I'm just f***in with ya, she's dead."
    LoL, that's @#%@#% as all get out, but hilarious at the same time
    b07c3df44d1c1ef4f2f2dc468267cdf3

  6. #6
    RonJon's Avatar
    RonJon is offline Waterboy
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    6

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    That's just not funny.
    This is:
    How do you get a female packer fan pregnant?
    Cum in her shoe, then let the flies do the rest!
    Superbowl XL

  7. #7
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    32,063

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    Dang, that's harsh!
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  8. #8
    canadian_vikes_fan's Avatar
    canadian_vikes_fan is offline Hall of Famer
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    1,322

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    What do you tell a female Packer fan with two black eyes?


    Answer - Nothing - she's already been told twice.


    Just joking.

    Thanks PPE for the sig.

  9. #9
    canadian_vikes_fan's Avatar
    canadian_vikes_fan is offline Hall of Famer
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    1,322

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    Or this one: (stolen from Family Guy)

    How many dirty stinkin' Packer fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?


    One dirty stinkin' Packer fan to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' Packer fans to throw feces at each other.

    Thanks PPE for the sig.

  10. #10
    Del Rio Guest

    Re: Lets hear your best Joke!!

    So many jokes...... a few of my favorites

    Steve Martin: The doctor came in and told me he had good news and bad news......I asked for the good, he said they were going to name a disease after me.




    The next one is one of my favorites.

    An old man and his grandson are fishing.

    The grandfather takes out some whiskey and takes a swig...

    The Grandson asks "Grandpa can I have a drink of that?" Grandfather asks "Can the tip of your Jimmy touch your butt?" He replies "No," ......"then your not old enough yet," says his grandfather.

    The grandfather pulls out a cigar and lights it up.

    The Grandson asks "Grandpa can I have a Cigar?" Grandfather asks "Can the tip of your Jimmy touch your butt?" He replies "No," ......"then your not old enough yet," says his grandfather.

    A little while later the grandson is munching on some oreo cookies and the granfather says "Hey boy give me one of those cookies"

    The boy asks "Can the tip of your Jimmy touch your butt?" Grandfather say "Hell yes it can!"

    Boy replies " Well then go fuck yourself these are my cookies!"
    :grin:

Page 1 of 12 12311 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Did I hear this right?
    By cc21 in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 11-22-2005, 06:44 AM
  2. Did ya hear about....
    By COJOMAY in forum Trash the Pack
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-29-2005, 12:25 AM
  3. What you want to hear
    By ultravikingfan in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-15-2005, 03:55 PM
  4. This is what I like to hear!!
    By VKG4LFE in forum Vikings Fan Forum
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-03-2004, 11:57 AM
  5. Now Hear This...
    By viqueenhunter in forum Trash the Pack
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 09-07-2003, 08:35 AM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •