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  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    [size=12pt]Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl[/size]
    osports.com
    January 29, 2009

    [img width=450 height=236]http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/NIB-Steelworker-R.article_large.jpg[/img]

    PITTSBURGH—Recently laid-off steelworker and football fan Marcus Aniello announced that he would postpone his impending suicide attempt until after the Steelers take on the Arizona Cardinals in Super Bowl XLIII. "I was going to spare myself the shame of coming home to my family every day and telling them I still hadn't found a job, but I kinda wanna see what Big Ben [Roethlisberger] can do against that sorry excuse for a defense," Aniello said on a recent trip to the gun shop. "Normally I would have thrown myself in the blast furnace the day I got laid off, but the Steelers had clinched the AFC North the day before, and then I watched them beat the Ravens from the top of the Fort Duquesne Bridge, and here we are. Their logo being the same as the American Iron and Steel Institute's kind of makes me want to cry a little every time I see it, and if they lose.... Well, you know." Should the Steelers win, Aniello plans to attend the victory parade and swallow a bottle of sleeping pills during the Pirates' Opening Day game.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    He would feel better if he ate an onion

  3. #3
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    You could be a Viking fan and postpone it until we win a Super Bowl. Can you say immortal?


  4. #4
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    "marstc09" wrote:
    You could be a Viking fan and postpone it until we win a Super Bowl. Can you say immortal?

    We will move before we win one

  5. #5
    marstc09's Avatar
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    "BadlandsViking" wrote:
    "marstc09" wrote:
    You could be a Viking fan and postpone it until we win a Super Bowl. Can you say immortal?

    We will move before we win one
    Brett Favre will win us one next year.

  6. #6
    C Mac D's Avatar
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    "marstc09" wrote:
    "BadlandsViking" wrote:
    "marstc09" wrote:
    You could be a Viking fan and postpone it until we win a Super Bowl. Can you say immortal?

    We will move before we win one
    Brett Favre will win us one next year.
    I'd make fun of that statement... but I feel bad because you actually believe it.
    Disclaimer: I'm an idiot.

  7. #7
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    "C" wrote:
    "marstc09" wrote:
    "BadlandsViking" wrote:
    "marstc09" wrote:
    You could be a Viking fan and postpone it until we win a Super Bowl. Can you say immortal?

    We will move before we win one
    Brett Favre will win us one next year.
    I'd make fun of that statement... but I feel bad because you actually believe it.
    hey the cardinals made the super bowl.

    you never know what could happen now!

  8. #8
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    The Onion is so brutal! I love it.

  9. #9
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    Re: Laid-Off Pittsburgh Mill Worker To Put Off Suicide Until After Super Bowl

    This could change his perspective on life.

    http://www.purplepride.org/forums/index.php?topic=5621.0

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