Thread: In honor of Cajun's 11,111th post: Your best lawyer jokes!

"AngloVike" wrote:

Seriously Cajun - congrats on the 11K... the only poster on this site whose post count matches his hourly wages at work :lol:

What about unemployed lurkers?

What does Cajun's post count have in common with his billable hours?

The are both inflated! :razz:

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

Stingy old lawyer

Stingy old lawyer Thibodeaux, who had been diagnosed by Dr. Babineaux to

have a terminal illness, was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You

can't take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally

figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he

died. He instructed his wife Too-Toot to go to the bank and withdraw

enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the

bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His

plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his

way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the

attic clleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with

cash

"singersp" wrote:

Stingy old lawyer

Stingy old lawyer Thibodeaux, who had been diagnosed by Dr. Babineaux to

have a terminal illness, was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You

can't take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally

figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he

died. He instructed his wife Too-Toot to go to the bank and withdraw

enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the

bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His

plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his

way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the

attic clleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with

cash

A CAJUN lawyer joke!!! You da man, Action Jackson!!! :lol:

Q. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

A. Stick his bill up his a$$

"DCPologirl" wrote:

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

:lol: I even know which website you got that one from! :lol:

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked.

"I want Natalie," the old man replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else?"

"No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charged $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereafter the man calmly left.

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man:

"No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you."

A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband has developed a penchant for anal sex. So I came to you for advice."

"Ok, let's see...does it hurt you?"

"Hmmmm .. a little."

"Do you like it?"

"Hmmm ..... well, yes."

"Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do it. If you take care about not getting pregnant."

"Getting pregnant? I didn't know you could get pregnant in that way."

"Of course you can. Where do you think all lawyers come from?"

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered.

The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think the file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and a$$ are interchangeable."