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  1. #11
    midgensa's Avatar
    midgensa is offline Jersey Retired Free Kick Specialist 3 Champion
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    I've known many people in this similar kind of situation ... and though it sounds cold and impossible, your mother, you and everyone else can only let him go his own way and trust that in the end he was raised well enough to come around.
    Let him come visit (with his girlfriend) and mention nothing negative and if he says something "hateful" or unacceptable just mention that it is not tolerated in your house or in your presence and kindly ask him to stop. It really is all you can do. The less you fight it the more chance you have of him figuring himself out ... and realizing he is not her. The more it is fought ... the more he feels he is pushed in a corner and has no choice.

  2. #12
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    He is old enough to make his own choices and suffer the consequences.
    The prodigal son came back in the end.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  3. #13
    Mr. Purple's Avatar
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    I hear ya PPE I've basicaly lost my best friend to a controlling girl.I'm not a fan of serious relationships at young ages.Hes 19 and lives like hes married.Hes competley controlled bye his girlfriend like your brother is with his.The worst part is his GF used to be and still could be into pills.Its hard to tell him "hey man I dont think this girl/situation is right for you" becuz they become defensive quickly.Hes 19 goin on 45.

    Theres NOTHING greater then a Florida Gator!
    "I promise everyone this. When Childress is let go in two years I can honestly say this.
    "I am not surprised"."-PurplePackerEater

  4. #14
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    "WilliamsonOfTroy" wrote:
    I hear ya PPE I've basicaly lost my best friend to a controlling girl.I'm not a fan of serious relationships at young ages.Hes 19 and lives like hes married.Hes competley controlled bye his girlfriend like your brother is with his.The worst part is his GF used to be and still could be into pills.Its hard to tell him "hey man I dont think this girl/situation is right for you" becuz they become defensive quickly.Hes 19 goin on 45.
    If she is controling, which your assuming she is, it is still his fault for letting himself be controlled. He's still the one making the choices.

    Just because he's spending the majority of time with her & attending her church just to be with her, doesn't mean she's controlling him.

    I.E. the clothing style & appearance change;

    Is she saying, "You'd look great in this shirt & with short hair" or "If you want to be with me, you need to cut your hair & wear what I tell you to wear".

    Big difference.

    He simply could be taking a more proactive intrest in the way he dresses & grooms himself to make him feel better about himself & appear more attractive to her.

    Trust me, all you young members will go thru this phase. There will come a time when you no longer wear your hats sideways, your pants 3 sizes to big & a belt to keep the pants around the waist & not down by the crack of your ass.

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  5. #15
    marcosMN is offline Star Spokesman
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    Sooner or later we all come to realize that the ultimate goal is happiness.

    If what we are doing is niether making us happy, or serving as a stepping-stone towards
    happiness, why do we bother putting ourselves through the trouble?

    Because folley is the way of man.

    One can learn as much information as he wants in a lifetime, but only experience will make you truly wise.

    We have all done things that in hindsight were probably bad coices. The difference between successful people and the rest is, the ones that succeed use their faliures as tools. Clues on what to avoid in the future.

    As long as he's healthy and safe, let him learn this one on his own.

    MHO.
    -Sno

  6. #16
    Mr. Purple's Avatar
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    "singersp" wrote:
    "WilliamsonOfTroy" wrote:
    I hear ya PPE I've basicaly lost my best friend to a controlling girl.I'm not a fan of serious relationships at young ages.Hes 19 and lives like hes married.Hes competley controlled bye his girlfriend like your brother is with his.The worst part is his GF used to be and still could be into pills.Its hard to tell him "hey man I dont think this girl/situation is right for you" becuz they become defensive quickly.Hes 19 goin on 45.
    If she is controling, which your assuming she is, it is still his fault for letting himself be controlled. He's still the one making the choices.

    Just because he's spending the majority of time with her & attending her church just to be with her, doesn't mean she's controlling him.

    I.E. the clothing style & appearance change;

    Is she saying, "You'd look great in this shirt & with short hair" or "If you want to be with me, you need to cut your hair & wear what I tell you to wear".

    Big difference.

    He simply could be taking a more proactive intrest in the way he dresses & grooms himself to make him feel better about himself & appear more attractive to her.

    Trust me, all you young members will go thru this phase. There will come a time when you no longer wear your hats sideways, your pants 3 sizes to big & a belt to keep the pants around the waist & not down by the crack of your jiggly butt.
    Oh yea I hear ya Singer.I completley agree that it takes 2 to tango.Its just sad seeing someone who is 19 practicly married, missing out on growing up with friends and such.

    Theres NOTHING greater then a Florida Gator!
    "I promise everyone this. When Childress is let go in two years I can honestly say this.
    "I am not surprised"."-PurplePackerEater

  7. #17
    singersp's Avatar
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    "WilliamsonOfTroy" wrote:
    Oh yea I hear ya Singer.I completley agree that it takes 2 to tango.Its just sad seeing someone who is 19 practicly married, missing out on growing up with friends and such.
    Is it really sad or is it a little selfish that people want their friends/family members to spend more time with them, rather than with a member of the opposite sex that they love.


    If the friend is happy, they should be happy for him/her.

    What will you do when you find the girl of your dreams? Spend time with her or dump her to spend time with your friends/family?

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  8. #18
    marcosMN is offline Star Spokesman
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    "singersp" wrote:
    "WilliamsonOfTroy" wrote:
    Oh yea I hear ya Singer.I completley agree that it takes 2 to tango.Its just sad seeing someone who is 19 practicly married, missing out on growing up with friends and such.
    Is it really sad or is it a little selfish that people want their friends to spend more time with them, rather than with a member of the opposite sex that they love.


    If the friend is happy, they should be happy for him/her.

    What will you do when you find the girl of your dreams? Spend time with her or dump her to spend time with your friends?
    Good point...
    -Sno

  9. #19
    Mr. Purple's Avatar
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    "singersp" wrote:
    "WilliamsonOfTroy" wrote:
    Oh yea I hear ya Singer.I completley agree that it takes 2 to tango.Its just sad seeing someone who is 19 practicly married, missing out on growing up with friends and such.
    Is it really sad or is it a little selfish that people want their friends to spend more time with them, rather than with a member of the opposite sex that they love.


    If the friend is happy, they should be happy for him/her.

    What will you do when you find the girl of your dreams? Spend time with her or dump her to spend time with your friends?
    Well I support him I mean hes a great guy.But its just my honest opinion that in this world when its all said and done, you need family.Hes been so distant from them, and never around that you can tell thier not as close as they where.Now the thing that gets me in my sitution, is his GF.She used to and up intill recent months still did pills.Now this same girl that has so much controll over him, could easily get him started and might already have.Me and my other friend Dave have tried to approach him about it, and he gets so defensive so quick.I'm the type of guy who likes to talk stuff out rather then just scream/fight etc...but hes so set in his ways with her now he only cares about her.Now I still hang with him, we're cool and I'll be helping him move into thier new appartment in a few weeks.But I still think the way thier relationship is unhealthy.She now works with him at his work.And I say this not being mean or stuck up, but she really has no friends.She daited a guy heavily threw high school and they where all into each other and she just didnt have any "girl" friends.So every sec we're shes not with him,she HAS to be with him becuase she has no friends.I could go on and on about her breaking up with him multiple times he hung out for us for more then a couple of hours.

    Her ex Bf is now in jail becuz he was a crack head (litterly) and robbed some people/stores.I'm just worried that the kind of person she is, shes gonna bring him down with her.Thats all.

    Theres NOTHING greater then a Florida Gator!
    "I promise everyone this. When Childress is let go in two years I can honestly say this.
    "I am not surprised"."-PurplePackerEater

  10. #20
    singersp's Avatar
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    Re: Help with family dilemma

    "WilliamsonOfTroy" wrote:
    .........I'm just worried that the kind of person she is, shes gonna bring him down with her.Thats all.
    Then that's the message you should convey to your friend repeatedly. Maybe it sinks in, maybe it doesn't, but it should make him start thinking more about the situation he's in.

    That's all you can do. The rest is up to your friend.

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

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