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  1. #1
    NordicNed is offline Jersey Retired
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    Funny, Pilot and Control Tower Conversatons....

    Pilot Talk


    Here are some conversations that the airline passengers don't hear. The

    following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
    control towers around the world.
    ================================================== ==========================
    =
    "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Center, we are at
    35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard
    the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
    ================================================== ===========================
    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
    f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
    yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
    ================================================== ===========================
    O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
    Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always
    wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight,"
    ================================================== ===========================
    A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
    after touching down. San JoseTowerNoted: "American 751, make a hard right
    turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
    Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to
    the airport,"
    ================================================== ==========================
    Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
    returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned
    passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The
    pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight
    attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot,"
    ================================================== ===========================
    A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munichoverheard the
    following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
    Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
    Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why
    must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
    British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
    ================================================== ==========================
    One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
    the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
    around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the
    DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make
    it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by,
    came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
    like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
    AND SAVING THE BEST TWO FOR LAST:
    ================================================== ==========
    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
    short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to kn ow one's gate parking location,
    but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
    amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between
    Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
    Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground:
    "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the
    main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where
    you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
    location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
    not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944,
    but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
    ================================================== ===========================
    While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
    departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
    United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
    screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn
    right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know
    it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
    right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
    hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
    sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can
    expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to
    go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
    that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the
    ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
    verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground
    controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around
    Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the
    silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"


    I LOVE THE SMELL OF VICTORY IN THE MORNING AIR.

  2. #2
    Stonecoldet3's Avatar
    Stonecoldet3 is offline Starter
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    Re: Funny, Pilot and Control Tower Conversatons....

    That is some funny stuff
    ;D

  3. #3
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Funny, Pilot and Control Tower Conversatons....

    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
    f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
    yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
    LOL

  4. #4
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Funny, Pilot and Control Tower Conversatons....

    Heh heh heh!

    O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
    Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always
    wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight,"
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  5. #5
    NordicNed is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Funny, Pilot and Control Tower Conversatons....



    I liked this one....







    "Speedbird 206, have you
    not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944,
    but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."


    ;D


    I LOVE THE SMELL OF VICTORY IN THE MORNING AIR.

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