Thread: Funny, Pilot and Control Tower Conversatons....

Pilot Talk


Here are some conversations that the airline passengers don't hear. The

following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
control towers around the world.
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"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." "Center, we are at
35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard
the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always
wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight,"
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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down. San JoseTowerNoted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to
the airport,"
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Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The
pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight
attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot,"
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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munichoverheard the
following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why
must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful
British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."
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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the
DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make
it all by yourself?" The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by,
came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
AND SAVING THE BEST TWO FOR LAST:
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to kn ow one's gate parking location,
but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between
Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground:
"Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the
main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where
you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate
location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944,
but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."
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While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight
departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a
United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew,
screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn
right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know
it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can
expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to
go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got
that, US Air 2771?" "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the
ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the
verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground
controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around
Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the
silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

That is some funny stuff
;D

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f... ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

LOL

Heh heh heh!

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 239: "Approach, I've always
wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight,"

I liked this one....







"Speedbird 206, have you
not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944,
but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."


;D