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  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Everything Taking Too Long

    [size=12pt]Everything Taking Too Long[/size]
    March 24, 2009 | Issue 45•13

    [img width=450 height=240]http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/micro_article_large.article_large.jpg[/img]
    People across the country were forced to put up with this maddeningly slow bullshit all week.

    WASHINGTON—An overwhelming sense of restlessness and impatience engulfed the U.S. this week when citizens determined that everything—the morning commute, phone conversations, getting a table at Chili's, making coffee, commercial breaks, everything—was taking entirely too long.

    "This is ridiculous," said Boston resident Joe Sosnoff, waiting for a subway train running behind schedule. "I don't have time for this. I seriously do not have time for this."

    "Oh, for crying out loud," said Atlanta native Ashley Rose, standing in line at a local Rite Aid pharmacy. "Open up another register if you have to. What are these people doing? Hanging out?"

    At this rate, Americans reported, it would've been faster to take the goddamn stairs.

    Between eye rolls, sighs, and repeated glances at wall clocks, a majority of Americans are reporting that the nation badly needs to pick up the pace. In some cases, including those where things are taking so long that it's not even funny, citizens urged all present to hurry the hell up...
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
    VikingMike's Avatar
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    Re: Everything Taking Too Long

    Very entertaining read...

    A CBS News/New York Times poll revealed Tuesday that Americans are split into three separate camps when it comes to the growing national frustration: Those who think everything is taking too long; those who think everything is taking too goddamn long; and a third fringe group that believes everything is taking fucking forever.
    ...and very true.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  3. #3
    C Mac D's Avatar
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    Re: Everything Taking Too Long

    That article took f*cking forever to read.
    Disclaimer: I'm an idiot.

  4. #4
    gregair13's Avatar
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    Re: Everything Taking Too Long

    If its not done now, its not done soon enough.
    We're bringing purple back.

  5. #5
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Re: Everything Taking Too Long

    onions take too long

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