Distraught Eli Manning Says New Bride Tried to Touch His Pee-Pee Place
[size=12pt]Distraught Eli Manning Says New Bride Tried to Touch His Pee-Pee Place[/size]
A hopelessly distraught Eli Manning called home to his parents this morning from his honeymoon, crying that his bride had attempted to touch his Ã¢â‚¬Å“down theresÃ¢â‚¬Â in hopes of consummating the young marriage.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Mommy! Abby tried to touch me in my no-no place!Ã¢â‚¬Â wailed Elisha. Ã¢â‚¬Å“I told her Ã¢â‚¬ËœNo!Ã¢â‚¬â„¢ and blew the whistle that you gave me, but she got mad and wouldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t stop trying to put her hands on my pee-pee.Ã¢â‚¬Â
The Super Bowl-winning quarterback married his longtime girlfriend, Abby McGrew, some two weeks ago and the couple has been traveling and relaxing since. But it wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t until this morning that any sparks flew in the bedroom.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Eli has always played hard to get,Ã¢â‚¬Â says McGrew, who met her husband at Ole Miss. Ã¢â‚¬Å“I remember the first time I put lingerie on for him, back in college. He got all excited and said I reminded him of Wonder Woman. Then he got out his comics, made a fort on his bed out of sheets, and we read them all night long by flashlight.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Manning has long said McGrew is his best friend and that he wanted to spend his whole life with her.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“Most girls have cooties. But not Abby,Ã¢â‚¬Â Eli said in an interview before the wedding. Ã¢â‚¬Å“SheÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s really neat. And she has really big, soft boobies. Just like my mommy. I like to lay my head on them when I get sad or if I get an owey.Ã¢â‚¬Â
It now appears that Eli and the now Mrs. Abby Manning had different ideas of what their marriage would be.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“I was having a great time since the wedding, and then she had to start touching my pee-pee,Ã¢â‚¬Â said Manning. Ã¢â‚¬Å“No one is allowed to touch that but me! Or maybe my mom or dad or gramma if they are giving me a bath! But thatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s it! All I wanted was to cuddle up with her in bed and watch Thundercats.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Abby Manning admits she misinterpreted EliÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s intentions.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“He climbed on the bed and started growling,Ã¢â‚¬Â she said. Ã¢â‚¬Å“I thought he was coming on to me. I thought it was my chance to finally consummate our relationship, or at least get to first base. Turns out he was just pretending to be his favorite Thundercat Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Cheetara.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Once Abby started plunging her hands inside EliÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s Thundercat pajamas, he yelled at her to stop, blew his whistle Ã¢â‚¬â€œ and then doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t remember much else.
Ã¢â‚¬Å“I kept saying Ã¢â‚¬ËœNoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ and pushing her hand away, but then my wee-wee started getting all tingly,Ã¢â‚¬Â he said. Ã¢â‚¬Å“And I think I passed out. When I woke up, Abby was asleep and my privates were all sticky. I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t know what the heck happened. I think maybe a Thundercat threw up on them. My kitten Snow Princess used to throw up all the time when she ate tissues.Ã¢â‚¬Â
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain