Curse of the Purple Jersey

**singersp** · 10-16-2005, 04:42 PM

Nick Coleman: Curse of the Purple Jersey seems to be size XXL
Nick Coleman, Star Tribune

Reader K. John Bradley traced the team's troubles to the day that Coach Mike Tice gave a Vikings jersey to George W. Bush during a 2004 campaign rally at Target Center that included a stirring attempt to make the knuckleheads of Minnesota throw off their liberal chains and put on bow-ties.

I wrote about this ill-fated mingling of politics and pigskin back then because it backfired: Minnesota voted Democratic by more than it had in 2000, and even Edina went blue.

I didn't blame Tice. The Vikings always welcome visitors heartily, be they presidents or exotic dancers. Nor did I blame Bush. He was just being a good sport, and the Vikings' troubles began way before he took the purple.

But we have had nothing but trouble ever since.

Looking back, it would've been better for us if Tice just jimmied open an Egyptian crypt and pried a golden asp from a mummy's cold, dusty hands.

Bush got his Vikings jersey on the eve of All Hallow's Eve (Oct. 30, 2004), a time of year when the ancient Celts believed spirits could slip through a crack in the universe and cause havoc on Earth. Something sure spooked the Vikings: They have won only five times since that day - once this year and four times last season, including a wild-card playoff win over Green Bay before bowing out to Philadelphia.

The team is 5-11 since the Curse, a pitiful victory ratio of 31 percent.

But don't waste your worries on football. Bush didn't curse the Vikings. It could be the other way around: After all, a 31 percent success ratio is where Bush's ratings seem headed.

What if there is a creepy connection between that Vikings jersey and Bush's misfortunes? What if it is a Vikings curse that has led to Bush's problems with Katrina, Iraq, earthquakes, Karl Rove and gas prices?

Maybe a Vikings jersey is the modern equivalent of a gnarled old monkey paw, a token of malevolence that brings only grief to its owner.

All I know is there sure seems to be something to this curse thing, and it seems to go the opposite way than our reader suggested. I don't even want to mention what happened in St. Paul when the mayor over there played footsie with the same dark forces.

Even the media have been off their game. When Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper was irritated by questions about the boat cruise, he walked out of a news conference, snarling that he would only talk about today's game with the Chicago Bears.

Not one of our local flowers of journalism had the wits to shout back:

OK, Culpepper: If the Bears took a boat cruise, do you think they'd make the crew want to jump overboard?

But don't cry for the Vikings. We have much bigger problems. Our purple curse has touched the president.

So Mr. President, please listen to Minnesota. We didn't vote for you, but we are pulling for you. And we beg you now: Burn your Vikings jersey!

We already have disposed of ours.
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PUTZ!