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  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
    Prophet is offline Jersey Retired
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    Oct 2006

    Breakup Letter Generator

    For those in need:

    Breakup Letter Generator
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
    Billy Boy is offline Hall of Famer
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    Sep 2006

    Re: Breakup Letter Generator

    Bookmarked it.

    All the kids my age pee their pants, it's the coolest.

  3. #3
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Apr 2006

    Re: Breakup Letter Generator

    Dear Satan:

    Not a day passes that you don't tell me how important I am or how much you love me, but those are just words. What I need are actions that convey how you can't live without me and would do anything to keep me. I need someone shit-house, loony-bin, arsonist crazy about me. Someone willing to do anything and everything to keep me.

    Satan, that's just not you. While it does feel like you love me, it's not a smothering, obsessive, borderline psychotic love. Its more of an unneurotic, trusting, agape love with luke-warm infatuation at best. There's no jealousy, no vindicitiveness, no sense of possession. For christ sake, you haven't even given me a cell phone so you can call me when you need something important: Like knowing where I am all the time. Trust is nice, but is paranoia too much to ask in a relationship?

    Honestly, Satan, in the 6 years that we have been together, how many times have you bashed a beer bottle over the head of some bitch who made eye contact with me or accidentally brushed against me as they passed? Or peppersprayed an overfriendly sales clerk? I'll tell you how many times, the same number of times you carved my name into your arms with a razor blade and got it tatooed in cursive on your neck: None. You never even talk of ending your life in a world without me.

    Sure, you'll probably cry over our breakup, be heartbroken for a month, but that's not good enough. The girl for me would call, start crying and begging to get back together. When that didn't work she'd threaten me, immediately apologize, and offer me money, jewelry, deviant sex or anything else I wanted to get back with her. When, I still rebuffed this dream girl of mine she'd turn suicidal and explain in graphic detail how she was going to kill herself. I would half-heartedly talk her out of it, at which point she'd blame it all on me. Finally, she'd keep repeating how she didn't need me, loudly curse me for being so worthless, threaten me and then slam the phone down.

    The next day she would call, and we'd do it all over again. Satan, I'm not asking you to kill yourself if you lose me, but a half-hearted effort of washing a package of Dexatrim down with a bottle of Nyquil so you at least have to get your stomach pumped would be a nice gesture.

    Sure, sure, you're caring, sweet, devoted, honest and loyal. Those are fine and all, but pathological is what I need. Someone who'd literally kill themself if they could no longer be with me; after they killed me that is. So, I must break up with you. The sad thing is, in a month's time, I probably won't catch you trying to follow me, you probably won't call me 122 times a day and hang up as soon as I answer, and you definetly won't even fake a pregnancy or press false rape charges.

    Jesus, Satan, you just dont get it do you? Sure, every guy unthinkingly says he wants a Juliet, but this Romeo needs his to do her part to bring Act 5 Scene 3 to its conclusion.



  4. #4
    tb04512's Avatar
    tb04512 is offline Team Alumni
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    Sep 2006

    Re: Breakup Letter Generator

    coulda used this a few days ago!!!!

    Thanks josdin00

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