Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
    Prophet is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    17,388

    Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    Bill Belichick Hires New Assistant to Help Him Spot Crowd MILFs
    sportspickle.com

    New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick hired a new assistant coach today and placed him in charge of spotting hot, doable MILFs in the stands for Belichick to hook up with after each game.

    "This is the time of the season when the games start to take on even more importance,” said Belichick. “That’s why I need to turn my attentions away from trying to find moms in the crowd who I want to nail, and more towards the game on the field. Because I realize that if I don’t keep winning, the poon is going to dry up one day.”

    But Belichick stressed that he still wants to keep a steady flow of MILFs into his bedroom – hence the need for the special assistant.

    “The postseason brings stress, and stress requires frequent stress-relieving lovemaking sessions. But it’s a bit of a Catch-22,” he said. “If I win, I stay famous and get to enjoy a bounty of fine MILFs. But to win I have to stay focused on football, and that really cuts into my MILF-hunting time.”

    That’s why Belichick made Greg Raines, a former Hollywood talent scout, the newest member of his staff.

    “Greg discovered some of the hottest young talent in Hollywood, and I’m hoping his discerning eye can spot some talent for me, too,” said Belichick. “I want him to be able to look past the hats and thick coats that people wear to football games and find me some repressed MILFs with banging bodies who want to explore their wild side.”

    Raines says he is up to the challenge.

    “Coach Belichick has given me an important job and one he says is more important than any other on his staff – the job of keeping his schwanz wet,” said Raines. “And I’m confident he will be very satisfied with the job that I do. I think that with the playoffs coming up and ticket prices rising, we’ll have some very high-quality, well-maintained MILFs to choose from. I just hope he’s not opposed to fake boobs and plastic surgery. I’ve always found that women who have those are very open to having their self-esteem validated via a good rogering.”

    In addition to helping him spot and acquire MILFs, Belichick has tasked Raines with prepping his prospective conquests.

    “I’m currently involved in a pretty messy lawsuit in New Jersey because this one guy is all pissed that I’ve been giving it to his wife,” said Belichick. “I don’t need any more headaches like that. So all future MILFs need to know the ground rules. They are there to do me and nothing else. We’re not going to get married and I’m not going to fall in love with them. It’s just sex. If they want to fall asleep for a few hours on my voluptuous chest after we do it, that’s fine. But by morning I want them out of my bed, in their minivan and driving back to their home.”
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
    MetalMike-LoudVike's Avatar
    MetalMike-LoudVike is offline Hall of Famer
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Posts
    1,291

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    well you know what they say about MILFS "it does a body good".
    YEAH
    MMLV
    IN THE PITS ON THE RIVER BEDS EVRY VIKING FAN WILL RISE & VAHALLA SHALL REJOICE WITH THE MOST GLORIOUS PRIZE LOMBARDI'S TROPHY

  3. #3
    gr8vike's Avatar
    gr8vike is offline Asst. Coach
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    509

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    "MetalMike-LoudVike" wrote:
    well you know what they say about MILFS "it does a body good".
    YEAH
    MMLV
    This is so True!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks PPE for the Sig

    Fighting on the Internet is like competing in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you are still mentally challenged!

  4. #4
    marcosMN is offline Star Spokesman
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    Mpls, MN
    Posts
    2,097

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    Billy's lonely this Christmas...
    -Sno

  5. #5
    olson_10's Avatar
    olson_10 is offline Ring of Fame
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    4,215

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    sportspickle.com is brilliant
    People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.

  6. #6
    shockzilla's Avatar
    shockzilla is offline PPO Ambassador
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Saint Paul, Minnesota, United States
    Posts
    6,204
    Blog Entries
    29

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    That is some f-in' BRILLIANT journalism...
    ;D
    PPO Ambassador, Defender of the Purple Faith and Guardian of the Gates of Valhalla

  7. #7
    BloodyHorns82's Avatar
    BloodyHorns82 is offline Jersey Retired Feed The Frog Champion
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    9,691

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    Now I see why everybody thinks hes a football genius!

  8. #8
    1800CULPEPPER is offline Starter
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    171

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    At least he is looking for MILFS and not GILFS. LOL
    This is one of the funniest stories I have read all day! ;D
    I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it!!

  9. #9
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    32,063

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    repressed MILFs with banging bodies who want to explore their wild side...UMMMMM!
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  10. #10
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    26,564

    Re: Belichick hires assistant to help spot MILFs

    repressed MILFs

    My number is 555-5555

Similar Threads

  1. Daunte Culpepper hires agent to try NFL comeback
    By Culpepper_4717 in forum Vikings Offseason/Draft/FA Forum
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 08-17-2011, 10:31 PM
  2. ESPN hires Cris Carter
    By josdin00 in forum General NFL Discussion
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-30-2008, 11:12 AM
  3. Tom Brady Hires Non-Union Plumbers
    By Prophet in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 07-01-2007, 05:56 AM
  4. Blind Auto Mechanic Hires Deaf Assistant
    By BadlandsVikings in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-19-2007, 10:39 PM
  5. Jessica Simpson Hires "Professional Hooker"
    By Prophet in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 11-12-2006, 09:11 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •