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  1. #81
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "countrygirl" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    The other night I was sitting at a stoplight and as the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? ?
    Only if you're lucky. Some people die alone without ever getting the chance to experience marriage, nor any "honking" of any kind. :lol:




    "VikingNed" wrote:
    Mr BBQ Platypus,

    Is it true that Platypus's are nothing more than a big duck, that got their beeks run over by a truck?....
    I don't know how to really answer your question, Ned. I looked it up on the internet before determining that the scientific explanation of what gives a platypus its platytude is far too boring to be posted here. But, to give you a short answer: no. It's a mammal that lays eggs, has toxic spurs on its legs, and lives in the ground. Its "beek," as you call it, is made of cartelidge and is more similar to your nose than it is to a duck's "beek." And by "your" nose, I am not simply referring to human noses in general. I am referring directly to YOUR nose, Ned. Thanks to you, Michael Jackson can take comfort in the fact that he only has the second-scariest nose in existence, despite the fact that he has no visible nostrils.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  2. #82
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    "VikingNed" wrote:
    Mr BBQ Platypus,

    Is it true that Platypus's are nothing more than a big duck, that got their beeks run over by a truck?....
    I don't know how to really answer your question, Ned. I looked it up on the internet before determining that the scientific explanation of what gives a platypus its platytude is far too boring to be posted here. But, to give you a short answer: no. It's a mammal that lays eggs, has toxic spurs on its legs, and lives in the ground. Its "beek," as you call it, is made of cartelidge and is more similar to your nose than it is to a duck's "beek." ....
    So what your saying is a platypus could be the result of genetics gone wild or imbredding amongst the species?

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  3. #83
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "singersp" wrote:
    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    "VikingNed" wrote:
    Mr BBQ Platypus,

    Is it true that Platypus's are nothing more than a big duck, that got their beeks run over by a truck?....
    I don't know how to really answer your question, Ned. I looked it up on the internet before determining that the scientific explanation of what gives a platypus its platytude is far too boring to be posted here. But, to give you a short answer no. It's a mammal that lays eggs, has toxic spurs on its legs, and lives in the ground. Its "beek," as you call it, is made of cartelidge and is more similar to your nose than it is to a duck's "beek." ....
    So what your saying is a platypus could be the result of genetics gone wild or imbredding amongst the species?
    I'm not sure, singer. The platypus is as mysterious as "MrsCajun," and as strange as, um, well...BBQ Platypus.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  4. #84
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Post-count build'ed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









    (1 G, here I come)!


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  5. #85
    Potus2028 is offline Hall of Famer
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Where do babies come from?

    Why hasn't daddy come back from work in three years?
    i m better than you, so just give up...

  6. #86
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "Potus2028" wrote:
    Where do babies come from?

    Why hasn't daddy come back from work in three years?
    1) Well, Mr. President, when one man and one woman pretend to love each other very much because they desperately want to get laid, it is an inevitable law of Hollywood film-making that the woman gets knocked up. Thus, in order to realistically portray the script, the evil Hollywood Baby Generating Facility creates a baby, bakes it in the Baby Oven, and places it in the actress's uterus. This also happens to be what happens in real life. Everything that they told you in school is a lie. In other words, the Hollywood aliens beam them into the womb from outer space, using radio signals very similar to the ones that they use to read our thoughts.

    2) Well, your daddy deals coke, which is a big-boy name for a yummy, white sugary powder often diluted with Pixie Stix (R) that almost alleviates the horrible suffering of our painful existence when we snort it up our noses. If the coke-sniffer is lucky, they die and go to hell, which is eternal bliss compared to their current lives. But the Man just won't leave coke dealers like your daddy alone, so he ran away to Afghanistan, where he had a spiritual revival, stopped dealing coke, and joined the Taliban. But the fact that he hates your guts and doesn't ever want to see that typical snotty look on your face ever again made the move a lot easier for him.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  7. #87
    Potus2028 is offline Hall of Famer
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Thanks.. I think I can sleep easy once again
    i m better than you, so just give up...

  8. #88
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "Potus2028" wrote:
    Thanks.. I think I can sleep easy once again
    Not if my newly-trained assassin penguins have anything to say about it. BWAH-HAH-HAH!!! :twisted:


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  9. #89
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Today's Useless Phrase in a Foreign Language:

    "Yo soy anteayer" means "I am the day before yesterday" in Spanish.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  10. #90
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Campfire Songs for the Calcium-Deficient - Episode 69: David Bowie's Laboratory

    One day BBQ Platypus finally lost it. He got tired of people not talking to him and asking him questions. He felt that there was not enough celebration regarding his 1000th post and demanded a trade. Then he constructed a flamethrower out of a gas tank, sewage pipes, a hair dryer, and a toaster, and fried everything within a two-block radius of his cubicle, running and jumping around like a maniac until every floor of every building around him was filled with dead, charred bodies stacked up to the ceiling in bizarre cheerleader pyramid patterns. Then he decided to take in a movie. So he headed to the local theater and bought two tickets for "3 Fast 3 Furious." One ticket was for himself and the other one was for, um...I'm not sure. He smelled his breath. It smelled like burnt dead bodies. That tends to happen when you eat a lot of flame-broiled leg. So he ate a breath mint. Now his breath smelled good, and not a thing like fried corpses. Good ol' Tic-Tacs.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

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