Thread: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

Hurkey turkey.
Whither Gary Coleman?
Creativity grows on magical psychotropic trees on Uranus.
No two creativity berries are the same.

"erik5032" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Long time reader, first time poster...

Do the ends really justify the means?

ex. If i was to go back in time and execute Baby Hitler would that be the right thing to do?

Dear Erik,

Long time poster, first time reader of a comment from you...

That would depend on what ends you were trying to accomplish.
And how much you're willing to pay ME to have them reached.
If you've got the scratch, then in my book, the end of "making lots of money" justifies the means of "doing something horrible that, as an evil future dictator of the world, is fully within my capabilities."

I'm surprised at the example you gave, though.
Everyone who has ever read science fiction knows that Hitler was rendered immune to time travel assassination by the Hitler Time Travel Exemption Act of 1953.
This is because, as all time travel stories involving Hitler inevitably agree, someone even more terrible than Hitler will simply rise to take his place.
And he'll win the war, too.
This is inevitable and cannot be argued.


"VikesFan787" wrote:

If I had 2 apples and I threw one at a man who had one leg and he caught it with his missing leg and called me a mini cooper, could I run backwards into a black hole with ONLY a shirt on?

Only if they were Granny Smith apples.
And if you were wearing a white shirt.


"gregair13" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Thank you for answering my previous question. Since you have such wealth of knowledge, I have another question for you.

Since the true meaning of life may never be determined and might just be individualistic, do sex offenders live more fulfilling lives (unless they are caught) because they take what they want when they want it and stop at nothing to get it?

No, because sex offenders are grodypants and I don't like them very much.

dear BBQ

christmas came to my station and boarded my house party all the way to cancer. Unfortunately the paper disagreed and left the roof alone, which needed the happiness of the table tennis game, what should I do?

Dear BBQ

What disorders do you suffer from?

Dear BBQ,

If I eat cookies made by magical elves, and cereal made by sea captains and Halloween monsters, am I obligated to use my pointer finger to stop a leaky dam holding back a tidal wave of sour breast milk?

Dear BBQ,

Do you have a Christmas tree?

"i_bleed_purple" wrote:

dear BBQ

christmas came to my station and boarded my house party all the way to cancer. Unfortunately the paper disagreed and left the roof alone, which needed the happiness of the table tennis game, what should I do?

Easy.
Just use the invisible tuning fork on the vat of atomic jelly beans to summon the Great Cosmic Space Turducken and his magic halitosis bazooka.
He will deliver the paper to someone else's house.
Then table tennis can be happy.
Or you could set it on fire, but that's not really in keeping with the Christmas spirit.

"V4L" wrote:

Dear BBQ

What disorders do you suffer from?

What makes you think I'll tell you...AGENT XXXFLEZZHO?
That's right, I know your REAL name!
I know the truth!
You're one of the aliens trying to get into my head!
But I won't let you!
NO!
NO!
NEVER!

"jkjuggalo" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

If I eat cookies made by magical elves, and cereal made by sea captains and Halloween monsters, am I obligated to use my pointer finger to stop a leaky dam holding back a tidal wave of sour breast milk?

No, but you are obligated to eat tuna made by a sadistic, cannibalistic tuna who slaughters thousands of his fellow fish.

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Do you have a Christmas tree?

My family cannot afford a Christmas tree.
Usually we just strap a bunch of lights onto my brother Paul, dye his hair green, and make him stand still for a very long time.
We take him down on the 6th, as per tradition.

Dear BBQ,

If someone wanted to buy the same brand of 'Pixie Sticks' that you get, where would you suggest the person should look?

(this post was 3 years to the day after this topic was created. WOW)

Dear BBQ,

I borrowed some leftover foreskin from my neighbor and now it's caught in the zipper (badly).
What should I do?

Dear BBQ,

Do you have a signifant other and if so are they as weird as you?

Dear BBQ

Do you like the song Cutty Buddy?