Thread: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

If it wasn't for the yell we would have no answers to the important questions in life.
BBQ, we need your advice.



Why does bono insist it is not an it?

Dear BBQ,

Are you still 95.67% Insane?

"Prophet" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Do I have a problem if I have my bedroom filled with life size Randy Moss pictures and stare at them every night instead of doing something else?

HELL YES!
If you're going to stare at a picture of something that long, why not just look at porn instead?
Hell, why aren't you looking at porn CONSTANTLY!?
What are you, some kind of FREAK?


"BadlandsViking" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

What's the purpose of underwear?

Underwear is just a malevolent conspiracy devised by The Man to keep us down.
The Man knows that if we didn't wear underwear, our balls would hang free (and they wouldn't be nearly as sweaty).
It's a little-known (but nonetheless indisputable) fact that sweaty, confined testes are the source of all suffering, poverty, and leather-pants-buying in males.
(Don't bother looking it up - the Man suppresses all knowledge of this scientific truth).

The Man doesn't want that because he wants to keep us miserable and discontented.
Without misery and discontent, we wouldn't need the Man.
The Man is like a misery-eating ogre - without suffering, he'll starve, and die a slow, miserable death - a death so horrible that the sheer agony of it will keep him alive.

Hey, wait a second...MY GOD!
WE CAN'T WIN!
THE MAN IS INDESTRUCTABLE!!!


"shockzilla" wrote:

Dear BBQ:

If Jack Sprat could eat no fat, and his wife could eat no lean, then what COULD they eat?

Sadly, the Sprats were forced to subsist on their own flesh, beginning with the toes and unnecessary internal organs (beginning with the appendix, and moving onto the gall bladder, tonsils, and one of their kidneys), and their own snot, which they served with leafy green vegetables as a garnish.
(They couldn't eat the vegetables because they were a garnish).


"Prophet" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Why does my face hurt?

Perhaps its pain stems from the realization of its own ugliness.
More likely, it's because it accidentally got in the way of my fist.


"BadlandsViking" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Are you still alive, and are you still 95.67% Insane?

Yes (although this wasn't always the case - it's a funny story, I'll tell you about it sometime) and yes.


"countrygirl" wrote:

Dear BBQ,
Why do I have to dry clean my down coat? It is filled with goose feathers. Do geese ruin their feathers every time they take a swim? I don't think so? Why can't I just wash it?

Down coats are like cats.
They're afraid of the water and can't swim.


"BadlandsViking" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Are your penguins holding you hostage?

No!
Of course not!
You insult my penguins by even THINKING of such a thing!
My penguins pride themselves on their unwavering loyalty to their Beloved Leader, and any expressed doubt of that loyalty, intentional or otherwise, is taken VERY personally.

I cannot let this stand.
I suggest you spend time with your family, make peace with old friends with whom you've quarreled, call your lawyer, write up your will - for tomorrow you will surely be pecked to death.
You will know what true pain means.
You will recognize my great power.
You'll believe a penguin can fly!

[img width=450 height=348]http://www.worth1000.com/entries/311500/311651RWYv_w.jpg[/img]


"BadlandsViking" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

why did the squirrel die?

'Cuz he was a bleeder.
He bled too much.
He had no tolerance for pain.
He should have realized that pain don't hurt.


"WBLVikeBabe" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Where are you?

I am here.
Technically, I always have been.
I'm here all the time.
Whenever people ask me, "Hey, BBQ, where are you?" I'm always like "Right here, beeyotch."
Although there was this one time when I was at a Laser Floyd show when I wasn't here - I was somewhere else, and that somewhere else wasn't here because it was, like, a transcendental psychedelic plane of existence.
I mean, it's like, yeah, I was kinda "here," and you could see me here, but I wasn't here, I was somewhere else, only I wasn't here in somewhere else - I was somewhere else.


"Prophet" wrote:

Why does bono insist it is not an it?

Because it is actually a dude, which technically makes it a he.

Dear BBQ,

What's the purpose of underwear?

Underwear is just a malevolent conspiracy devised by The Man to keep us down.
The Man knows that if we didn't wear underwear, our balls would hang free (and they wouldn't be nearly as sweaty).
It's a little-known (but nonetheless indisputable) fact that sweaty, confined testes are the source of all suffering, poverty, and leather-pants-buying in males.
(Don't bother looking it up - the Man suppresses all knowledge of this scientific truth).

The Man doesn't want that because he wants to keep us miserable and discontented.
Without misery and discontent, we wouldn't need the Man.
The Man is like a misery-eating ogre - without suffering, he'll starve, and die a slow, miserable death - a death so horrible that the sheer agony of it will keep him alive.

Hey, wait a second...MY GOD!
WE CAN'T WIN!
THE MAN IS INDESTRUCTABLE!!!

[img size=100]http://www.purplepride.org/media/kunena/attachments/legacy/images/Outlandcartoon.JPG[/img]

YAY!!! He's back. Finally some sanity.

Dear BBQ,

What are your thoughts on Michael Vick?

BBQ- why are Minnesotans such fair weather fans---please don't hold back

Dear BBQ,

If you could be any flavor other than BBQ, what would it be?

dear bbq,

why do you insist on leaving for long periods of time only to come back so we get our hopes up? are you really that evil?

"mr.woo" wrote:

dear bbq,

why do you insist on leaving for long periods of time only to come back so we get our hopes up? are you really that evil?

i mean seriously. with you gone im expected to keep up the crazyness and whacky stuff. i dont know if im up to it. im mean look im even quoting my own post just for shock value