Page 40 of 77 FirstFirst ... 30383940414250 ... LastLast
Results 391 to 400 of 769
  1. #391
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    Saint Paul, MN
    Posts
    3,027

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    "YogidAbEAR" wrote:
    dear BBQ,
    If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
    No, because all taxi drivers are actually uber-advanced quantum physisists from Rigel 7. They secretly modify their engines to travel through time, raising fares by increasing or decreasing the amount of time it takes to get there when compared to the apparent time it takes to get there from the point of view of the taxi itself. So, if they drove backwards, the cab would be traveling backwards through space-time into the Twilight Zone, where money does not exist.

    "singersp" wrote:
    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    It truly is a shame that you killed one of my minions. Now I must force one of my gypsy penguins to place a curse on you. You pick the curse, Madame Pengy!

    Madame Pengy sez: "May all rap music sound the same to you."
    BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!!!!!! Good one, Madame Pengy!!! Now his life has been fundamentally and irrevocably altered!!!!!!!
    :scratch: Rap music always sounded the same to me. Even before her curse.
    Wow. It's almost as if I were making a joke about the nature of gypsy curses. :roll:

    Hmm. It seems that Freya forgot to finish writing her question. Not to worry. I know EXACTLY what she was going to ask me.

    "Freya" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,
    You are SO unbelievably sexy. Please, take me RIGHT NOW!!!
    - Freya
    XOXO
    ...Yep. I'm sure that's what she had in mind.

    ...

    ...

    ...

    ...

    Okay, fine! I'm perfectly aware that I will never, EVER receive such a request from ANY member of the opposite sex for as long as I live. Am I allowed to fantasize? Is it so wrong to want to be LOVED!?!?!?!? :cry:

    (Note to the slow: I'm joking - I really AM that sexy). :wink:

    "singersp" wrote:
    Dear Mr. BBQ:

    If I had a nickel for every time someone said to me "If I had a nickel every time..."

    How would you finish that statement?
    Hmm...I've decided to give this the Letterman Top 10 treatment.

    If I had a nickel for every time someone said to me "If I had a nickel for every time..."

    10. I'd have at least 10 cents.
    9. I still wouldn't be able to afford ballpark food.
    8. I'd throw them at somebody.
    7. I would grow mad with power and probably eat one of them.
    6. The dollar would plummet and the economy would collapse due to the massive inflation caused by the number of nickels I have, starting a global panic and resulting in the complete nuclear annihilation of the continent of Australia.
    5. I would tell Tom Cruise to wait at the base of the Empire State Building because Xenu was coming to meet him there, then I'd throw all of the nickels off the top floor right onto his head.
    4. I'd buy a gun, which I would use to shoot people who I catch using the phrase "if I had a nickel for every time..."
    3. I'd buy R2D2 and re-program him to crush, kill, and destroy.
    2. My pants would be really, really heavy and jangly.
    1. I'd end up blowing it all on crack, booze, and hookers.

    That's all the time we have folks! Please, for the love of God, stay tuned for the guy after me who somehow manages to be even less funny than I am!


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  2. #392
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    26,569

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    dear BBQ,

    what are your plans after you take over the world? What's left to do?

  3. #393
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    Saint Paul, MN
    Posts
    3,027

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    "westvirginiavikings" wrote:
    dear BBQ,

    what are your plans after you take over the world? What's left to do?
    How about...not having people ask me questions? Or even speaking to me, unless they are spoken to? And getting all the perks (read: hot babes) that come with the office of "Supreme Badass Ruler of the Entire F*cking World, Beeyatch!"


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  4. #394
    YogidAbEAR's Avatar
    YogidAbEAR is offline Star Spokesman
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    2,037

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    dear BBQ,
    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  5. #395
    CrazyVikingsFan is offline Pro-Bowler
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    491

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    "K-Rob81" wrote:
    What question do you ask some one that thinks they know everything or will give you a made up or sarcastic response in return?
    I don't know. Why don't you ask me?

    Oh, wait. You DID ask me. Yeah.......I guess that sarcastic response didn't really work. So.........................yeah, um...how about "not that question?" Does that work for you?
    I have stumped the BBQ because he gave me a sarcastic answer!!!! :twisted:

  6. #396
    YogidAbEAR's Avatar
    YogidAbEAR is offline Star Spokesman
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    2,037

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    you rule dude, you stumped the crazy master

  7. #397
    cc21 is offline Ring of Fame
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    3,599

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    Mr. BBQ sir

    If chicken and grape jelly is the opposite of pencil sharpners and tinfoil, and pufferfish are the opposite of cell phones, then what is the opposite of king salmon with with mowhawks?

  8. #398
    i_bleed_purple's Avatar
    i_bleed_purple is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Canadialand
    Posts
    16,777
    Blog Entries
    2

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    dear mr. BBQ

    what does a UFO become once its identified?

  9. #399
    renovikesfan is offline Coordinator
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    772

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    Dear Mr. Platypus...I'm not quite familiar with you enough to be on a first name basis, so that's why I'm not casually flinging out "Yo, BBQ..." (but anyway, here's my question):

    Can you please list in alphanumeric order, the socio- and/or geopolitical ramifications on the antidisestablishmentarianism caused by bestiopedonecrophiliacs who have committed auto-erotic asphyxiations by manually masturbating underaged caged lab animals that have previously expired from excessive testing of lipstick and other cosmetics?

    Waiting anxiously for your answer, as I have a paper due on that very subject in the next 2 years, 58 days, 4 hours, 59 minutes, and 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 seconds.....

  10. #400
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    Saint Paul, MN
    Posts
    3,027

    Re: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

    "YogidAbEAR" wrote:
    dear BBQ,
    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    Because she's been sold into slavery, along with all of her friends. Thus, you must buy her friends in order for her to have them, as they are currently working in very, very tiny cotton fields, toiling their lives away. And Barbie doesn't really adjust well to new friends.

    "cc21" wrote:
    Mr. BBQ sir

    If chicken and grape jelly is the opposite of pencil sharpners and tinfoil, and pufferfish are the opposite of cell phones, then what is the opposite of king salmon with with mowhawks?
    (BBQ scribbles furiously in his notebook, doing imaginary calculus)

    Hmm...according to my calculations, the answer to your question is 35,000 screaming death metal panda bears mixed with one teaspoon of the gubernatorial popular vote divided by the inverse square root of 62 1/2 Marshmallow Peeps, with extra dividends from wise investments by Pee-Wee Herman's recent yeast infection used to buy 35 tons of ill-fitting clothes with clashing color schemes and a large order of fries.

    "i_bleed_purple" wrote:
    dear mr. BBQ

    what does a UFO become once its identified?
    My new secret weapon! BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!!

    "renovikesfan" wrote:
    Dear Mr. Platypus...I'm not quite familiar with you enough to be on a first name basis, so that's why I'm not casually flinging out "Yo, BBQ..." (but anyway, here's my question):

    Can you please list in alphanumeric order, the socio- and/or geopolitical ramifications on the antidisestablishmentarianism caused by bestiopedonecrophiliacs who have committed auto-erotic asphyxiations by manually masturbating underaged caged lab animals that have previously expired from excessive testing of lipstick and other cosmetics?

    Waiting anxiously for your answer, as I have a paper due on that very subject in the next 2 years, 58 days, 4 hours, 59 minutes, and 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 seconds.....
    Now THAT'S an interesting question, renovikesfan. Many novice students of the history of dead baby animal rape have a tendency to oversimplify things. Although I personally prefer to organize the history of the subject according to height, alphanumeric order will suffice to destroy this great interplanetary crapcake bake-off.

    A Rambling and Confused History of Something or Other

    1. 0 seconds ago, I resolved myself to eat all the Cheetohs(R) that I possibly can until I explode or die of heart failure.

    2. 723 A.D.: Antipope Snoop Dog XIII approves cosmetic testing on animals for his new Piety and Chastity(R) line of perfume, inviting 85 perverts to participate in the sanctioned rape of the discarded test subjects. This was a continuation of the policy of the last true pope, a transvestite ferret who probably was not named Kunta Kinte, who declared that God actually told Adam to rape all the animals rather than naming them. Nutjob historians claim that this policy stems from a scribe with poor handwriting.

    3. Angry beavers began combing horny mongooses' fur coat c. 1500 B.C., leading to the tradition of the great annual beaver sacrifice to their lobster god, Mr. Snappers in an annual combined Church Picnic, Carrot Poke-Off (don't ask - it's even grosser than it sounds), and Beaver Sacrifice.

    4. August 11th, 1919 - The Green Bay Packers, noted for its loyal fan base consisting of inbred, slack-jawed deviants, are founded by noted Horsehumpington admirers Curly Lambeau and George Whitney Calhoun.

    5. "Awful! Awful! Just awful!" snapped His Arthropodiness. "Take him away, give him a makeover, kill him, ravage his festering arse, use this magical scroll to revive him, then beat him savagely, force him to listen to every second of a complete collection of Cher's albums, cut off his genitals, then kill and rape him again!"

    6. Batman was powerless against his foe's terrible on-screen presence and god-awful line-reading. I mean, seriously, it sucked even for a Batman villain. He cringed with horror, then raped a dead octopus wearing lipstick.

    7 Bonkers the Circus Gorilla was an adamant supporter of Upside-Down King Randolph the Spaz's policy of punishing suspected members of the Holy Church of the Cosmetic-Tested Carrion Orgy by killing them and inducing a goat to rape them.

    8. During one annual beaver sacrifice in about 1400 B.C., the beavers' lobster god was not pleased with one of the acolytes' groove and declared him to be a poser. For Mr. Pinchers's not-really-so-famous death sentence of this playa-hatin' fool, see #5.

    9. In Europe, a dead, mascara-smeared, imported echidna is raped post-mortem once every twelve seconds.

    10. The Holy Church of the Cosmetic-Tested Carrion Orgy was founded in 570 A.D. after Lord Horsehumpington of the Hardons, a short-lived kingdom that had attempted to separate from the Britons, witnessed an annual necrophilic beaver orgy and was extremely turned on by it. Due to their founder's unusually apt surname, followers were referred to as Horsehumpingtons, and known Horsehumpingtons were forced to wear pink hats and constantly be poked by sticks until the day they died (which was usually really soon, because they hung them, too). Their popularity decreased due to the idiotic actions of various Upside-Down Kings, particularly Randolph the Spaz, who wanted their temple torn down to build a new adult bookstore, and eventually reached a compromise by turning it over to corporate bookwhores Barnes & Noble. The religion completely disappeared in 1762 when its remaining members were devoured by the 1993 Michigan Wolverines, who had mysteriously traveled back in time to that year and were really, really hungry.

    11. The League of East-Hungarian Fantasmorgasmicpanbestiosexuality, despite Will Ferrell's claims to the contrary, did not invent the Gas-Electric Gatorade-Cooled Roto-Plooker(R), but only parts of it, like little bits of string and wood and a nail filer in an unfinished drawing. The tooth fairy invented the rest of it one night when she was really, really drunk.

    12. Lord Horsehumpington was raised by his grandparents' favorite anvil. He generally sucked really bad at everything, and his testicles were hilariously raisin-like. He never scored with anybody except dead racoons wearing bad eyeshadow. His descendents, however, took everything their subjects owned and gave it to the church until they were killed in a peasant uprising 2 hours after the taxes were collected. Their corpses were dressed as racoons, smothered in makeup, and subjected to an 8-day gang-bang.

    13. Randolph the Spaz was named Upside-Down King of Not England by nobody in some generic year in the mid-1500s, as he was the weakest, lamest, and least cool person in the world, and nobody wanted him to be in England, thus putting him in charge of basically nothing. Then everybody started getting lamer and felt that he, as lamest in the land, should be granted authority over which nostrils would be acceptable to pick in public. Randolph's decree: "Both!" Most historians agree that he wore dorky glasses.

    19. Styx - an insipid arena-rock band considered by anyone with a brain to be the musical equivalent of bestiopedonecrophilia performed on a porcupine.

    20. A violent beaver orgy replaced the beaver sacrifice every year after the death of the poser, a tradition that continued until the fall of the Beaver Empire in 1486 B.T. (before television) at the hands of sausage-wielding David Bowie look-alikes.

    21. A Walter Cronkite impersonator and evil villain named Anchorman defeated Batman in a game of Scrabble using poor acting and made-up words. As a result of his defeat, Batman was forced to allow Anchorman to devour his testicles and 50% of his skin. And he didn't look or sound a thing like Walter Cronkite.

    22. Xylophones are annoying. Just like you.

    23. You probably asked this question because you like plunking dead rodents.

    24. Zebras are known to occasionally be into the whole getting-killed-made-over-and-raped thing.

    In conclusion, nerds ruined the whole thing for everyone by refusing to give government support for sexually deviant animal corpse cruelty, despite initial support from morons with small pricks and crazy beaver acolytes who apparently listened to hip-hop. And it also is related to that guy who killed Batman somehow. In any case, this world is a bit less fun for complete perverts. Unless you buy my new book, Instant Self-Fulfillment for Complete Perverts, in stores now! *

    * Your eternal soul, plus shipping & handling


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

Page 40 of 77 FirstFirst ... 30383940414250 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Customer Goes McMental Over Breakfast.
    By scottishvike in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 08-11-2010, 06:33 PM
  2. Childress sticks up for AD in AD vs.LT debate
    By snowinapril in forum Vikings Fan Forum
    Replies: 155
    Last Post: 09-22-2009, 06:37 PM
  3. Deer For Breakfast
    By singersp in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 07-04-2009, 02:02 PM
  4. Severed finger regrown with 'pixie dust'
    By Marrdro in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-03-2008, 05:01 AM
  5. Favorite Breakfast?
    By TheAnimal93 in forum The Clubhouse
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 05-25-2005, 05:19 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •