BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

**YogidAbEAR** · 05-29-2006, 01:02 AM

ohh wise BBQ, are there monsters in my closet, and if so, would they taste good cooked in some italian cooking?

**i_bleed_purple** · 05-29-2006, 02:26 AM

dear BBQ,

does the universe truly never end???

**BadlandsVikings** · 05-29-2006, 04:59 AM

Dear BBQ,

Do babies really come from the cabbage patch?

**Mr Anderson** · 05-29-2006, 05:17 AM

Dear BBQ,

How many takes does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

**BBQ Platypus** · 05-30-2006, 10:07 PM

"YogidAbEAR" wrote:

ohh wise BBQ, are there monsters in my closet, and if so, would they taste good cooked in some italian cooking?

Yes. There are monsters everywhere. All trying to eat you, me, and your neighbor's best friend's cousin's dog's favorite toy. There's one right behind my computer. I keep him at bay with a sandwich bag, though. (Um, don't ask).

As for the Italian thingy...well, I happen to know a few rather distinguished Italians who can take care of that monster problem for you. A large man named Vinny will be at your house in five minutes (as I recently ordered a hit on...somebody...who is, um...definitely not you...)

"i_bleed_purple" wrote:

dear BBQ,

does the universe truly never end???

No. There's a gigantonormous brick wall at the end that's covered with warning signs that say "Warning: End of Universe," and a few Black Sabbath posters. I know 'cuz I bumped into it once. It really hurt.

"westvirginiavikings" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Do babies really come from the cabbage patch?

No, they're made in a factory in Shanghai by child laborers who work for three copper shavings per hour (they have to smelt them into pennies themselves).

"Mr Anderson" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

How many takes does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I've researched this topic extensively over a series of studies. The first study consisted entirely of watching the commercial 5,685 times to see if Mr. Owl was secretly trying to convey the answer using hand signals or some other subliminal means, as I believed that the Tootsie Roll Company, being the Fascist organization that it is, was supressing his scholastic opinion on the matter. In the end, the results concurred with those found by the commercial: the world may never know.

The second study, conducted last summer, was also inconclusive, but it determined that the answer was definitely not 3. Mr. Owl is full of crap.

Finally, six months after the last study ended, after exhausting laboratory analysis and endless trials, I've determined that the answer is always, invariably, 272.35 licks. If you try to do this and you find another answer, you did the test wrong and you don't know how to count. Those are my findings and I'm sticking to 'em. If you want me to let 'em go, you'll have to pry 'em from my metaphorically cold, metaphorically dead, metaphorically fingery metaphorical fingers.

But...if I'm going to answer your question as you typed it, the cartoon actors in the Tootsie Pop commercial nailed the commercial in only one take. :razz:

**cogitans** · 05-30-2006, 10:45 PM

Dear BBQ

When would be the best time to do the dishes, and would it be appropiate to use the frase, 'don't do today what you can postpone till tomorrow' in this situation.

Speeking of that frase, how many days will that actually work?

**2beersTommy** · 05-30-2006, 11:48 PM

dam BBQ, I thought I knew everything (atleast I tell my g/f that) BUT, you're the man !!

**YogidAbEAR** · 06-02-2006, 02:04 AM

"BBQ Platypus" wrote:

"Mr Anderson" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

How many takes does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

I've researched this topic extensively over a series of studies. The first study consisted entirely of watching the commercial 5,685 times to see if Mr. Owl was secretly trying to convey the answer using hand signals or some other subliminal means, as I believed that the Tootsie Roll Company, being the Fascist organization that it is, was supressing his scholastic opinion on the matter. In the end, the results concurred with those found by the commercial: the world may never know.

The second study, conducted last summer, was also inconclusive, but it determined that the answer was definitely not 3. Mr. Owl is full of crap.

Finally, six months after the last study ended, after exhausting laboratory analysis and endless trials, I've determined that the answer is always, invariably, 272.35 licks. If you try to do this and you find another answer, you did the test wrong and you don't know how to count. Those are my findings and I'm sticking to 'em. If you want me to let 'em go, you'll have to pry 'em from my metaphorically cold, metaphorically dead, metaphorically fingery metaphorical fingers.

But...if I'm going to answer your question as you typed it, the cartoon actors in the Tootsie Pop commercial nailed the commercial in only one take. :razz:

i have tried this, it took me 126 licks to get to the centre. 126!!!!!. you, mr. platypus, have just lost credibility in my books