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  1. #261
    YogidAbEAR's Avatar
    YogidAbEAR is offline Star Spokesman
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    ohh wise BBQ, are there monsters in my closet, and if so, would they taste good cooked in some italian cooking?

  2. #262
    i_bleed_purple's Avatar
    i_bleed_purple is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    dear BBQ,

    does the universe truly never end???

  3. #263
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Dear BBQ,

    Do babies really come from the cabbage patch?

  4. #264
    Mr Anderson's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Dear BBQ,

    How many takes does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

  5. #265
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "YogidAbEAR" wrote:
    ohh wise BBQ, are there monsters in my closet, and if so, would they taste good cooked in some italian cooking?
    Yes. There are monsters everywhere. All trying to eat you, me, and your neighbor's best friend's cousin's dog's favorite toy. There's one right behind my computer. I keep him at bay with a sandwich bag, though. (Um, don't ask).

    As for the Italian thingy...well, I happen to know a few rather distinguished Italians who can take care of that monster problem for you. A large man named Vinny will be at your house in five minutes (as I recently ordered a hit on...somebody...who is, um...definitely not you...)

    "i_bleed_purple" wrote:
    dear BBQ,

    does the universe truly never end???
    No. There's a gigantonormous brick wall at the end that's covered with warning signs that say "Warning: End of Universe," and a few Black Sabbath posters. I know 'cuz I bumped into it once. It really hurt.

    "westvirginiavikings" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    Do babies really come from the cabbage patch?
    No, they're made in a factory in Shanghai by child laborers who work for three copper shavings per hour (they have to smelt them into pennies themselves).

    "Mr Anderson" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    How many takes does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
    I've researched this topic extensively over a series of studies. The first study consisted entirely of watching the commercial 5,685 times to see if Mr. Owl was secretly trying to convey the answer using hand signals or some other subliminal means, as I believed that the Tootsie Roll Company, being the Fascist organization that it is, was supressing his scholastic opinion on the matter. In the end, the results concurred with those found by the commercial: the world may never know.

    The second study, conducted last summer, was also inconclusive, but it determined that the answer was definitely not 3. Mr. Owl is full of crap.

    Finally, six months after the last study ended, after exhausting laboratory analysis and endless trials, I've determined that the answer is always, invariably, 272.35 licks. If you try to do this and you find another answer, you did the test wrong and you don't know how to count. Those are my findings and I'm sticking to 'em. If you want me to let 'em go, you'll have to pry 'em from my metaphorically cold, metaphorically dead, metaphorically fingery metaphorical fingers.

    But...if I'm going to answer your question as you typed it, the cartoon actors in the Tootsie Pop commercial nailed the commercial in only one take. :razz:


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  6. #266
    cogitans is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Dear BBQ

    When would be the best time to do the dishes, and would it be appropiate to use the frase, 'don't do today what you can postpone till tomorrow' in this situation.

    Speeking of that frase, how many days will that actually work?

    Thanks to PPE for the sig.

  7. #267
    2beersTommy's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    dam BBQ, I thought I knew everything (atleast I tell my g/f that) BUT, you're the man !!

  8. #268
    YogidAbEAR's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    "Mr Anderson" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    How many takes does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
    I've researched this topic extensively over a series of studies. The first study consisted entirely of watching the commercial 5,685 times to see if Mr. Owl was secretly trying to convey the answer using hand signals or some other subliminal means, as I believed that the Tootsie Roll Company, being the Fascist organization that it is, was supressing his scholastic opinion on the matter. In the end, the results concurred with those found by the commercial: the world may never know.

    The second study, conducted last summer, was also inconclusive, but it determined that the answer was definitely not 3. Mr. Owl is full of crap.

    Finally, six months after the last study ended, after exhausting laboratory analysis and endless trials, I've determined that the answer is always, invariably, 272.35 licks. If you try to do this and you find another answer, you did the test wrong and you don't know how to count. Those are my findings and I'm sticking to 'em. If you want me to let 'em go, you'll have to pry 'em from my metaphorically cold, metaphorically dead, metaphorically fingery metaphorical fingers.

    But...if I'm going to answer your question as you typed it, the cartoon actors in the Tootsie Pop commercial nailed the commercial in only one take. :razz:

    i have tried this, it took me 126 licks to get to the centre. 126!!!!!. you, mr. platypus, have just lost credibility in my books

  9. #269
    mr.woo's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    didnt you read you goon? you must have did it wrong. this guy used big words!!! hes gotta be right
    woo out
    just two corn cobs shy of a bushel

  10. #270
    Prophet Guest

    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Dear BBQ,

    If you were sentenced to death, how would you want to die?

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