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  1. #11
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "Prophet" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    Why don't the Packers have cheerleaders?

    Prophet
    'Cuz all dem gur-ulz wid mor'n one teef dun already up'n left!

    "cyviking" wrote:
    Dear BBQ Platypus,

    My job recently screwed me out of some benifits and other than quitting there is nothing I can do about it for a whole year. How would you handle this situation?

    Sincerly,
    Cyviking
    I thought I told you people "one at a time!" (God, I never thought I'd say that to ANYONE. I still doubt I'll ever say that to a mob of women). :cry:

    Cy, I've got two words for you: hostile takeover. With millions of illegally-obtained dollars (I suggest a career as a crack-dealer or high-seas pirate), buy every share in the company, and fire every sniveling executive who did this to you, all without mercy. Then, as the majority shareholder, you'll have more benefits than any human on Earth could possibly need, toward which 60% of your business's revenue will be diverted.

    Or, if you agree to be one of my (cough, cough) "agents," I shall have your bosses assassinated for you, to be replaced by those loyal to me, thus improving your benefits and bringing me one corporation closer to ruling the world! BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  2. #12
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "cajunvike" wrote:
    "Prophet" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    Why don't the Packers have cheerleaders?

    Prophet
    Because they can't teach the cows how to dance and "MOO" sounds too much like "BOO" (although this year "BOO" IS the cheer of choice at Lamboo! :lol:
    Hey! You're not me!!!!! Are you? :scratch:

    Wait a minute...no, you aren't!!! He was asking ME!!! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!! Not you!!! Nobody wants to hear from YOU!!!

    FEED MY NARCISSISM!!!!!!!!


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  3. #13
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    I AM THE ROADRUNNER!!! ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Campfire Songs for the Calcium-Deficient - Episode Tooty-Seven Kazabatrillion: I'm Afraid Your Husband's Accidental Lobotomy Didn't Go So Well

    Once upon a time there was a midget. Midgets piss me off. They think they're so great, making jokes like "Well, I'm big where it counts!" So I kicked him in the crotch. Wimpiest midget ever.

    THE END


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  4. #14
    Lotza's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    why? that is my question.

























    Go vikes!!

  5. #15
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "Lotzapurple119" wrote:
    why? that is my question.
    That is a ridiculous question. Given the rising price of uranium-235 on the black market, and the better suitability of plutonium for atomic weapons, I had no choice but to steal from that breeder reactor. Besides, Alec Baldwin's house is in need of some serious destroying. As is Alec Baldwin himself.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  6. #16
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    Dear BBQ,

    Are you legally recognized as insane?

    Sincerely,

    Vikes2611

    :lol:
    The best part of my day is when I get down on my knees, with my head in my hands, and thank GOD for everything he has given me.

  7. #17
    Lotza's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "BBQ Platypus" wrote:
    "Lotzapurple119" wrote:
    why? that is my question.
    That is a ridiculous question. Given the rising price of uranium-235 on the black market, and the better suitability of plutonium for atomic weapons, I had no choice but to steal from that breeder reactor. Besides, Alec Baldwin's house is in need of some serious destroying. As is Alec Baldwin himself.
    thank you.

























    Go vikes!!

  8. #18
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    "Vikes2611" wrote:
    Dear BBQ,

    Are you legally recognized as insane?

    Sincerely,

    Vikes2611

    lol
    Not yet.
    After running several tests, I am a pro at skewing the results considerably, meaning that, legally, I am recognized as only 95.67% insane.
    But, in reality, I am insane enough that I could evenly distribute my mental disorders to make five incurably insane people.
    In closing, GREAT IMPERIAL CUPCAKES, BATMAN!!!
    I LOST MY ANTI-RABID-FERRET SPRAY!!!
    FETCH ME SOME PEANUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  9. #19
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    BBQ;

    Where do Packer Fans go when they die?

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  10. #20
    Lotza's Avatar
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    Re: Tales from the Crapt (and other random BBQ rants)

    ok ok ok ok ok


    Who?

























    Go vikes!!

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