Thread: BBQ Ate Too Many Pixie Sticks for Breakfast This Morning...

For those of you who have been around this forum for a while, you may remember a thread that I started called "Not Drunk - Just Incurably Insane!" in which I wrote random stories / thoughts, and answered some questions from posters. I have decided to make the long-awaited sequel to that thread. If you want you can ask me some questions. I might answer them, or I might just make fun of you. I'm too lazy to write a story right now, so I've decided to just warn you about this incoming thread that is about to hit the Internet like a flaming bag of crap.

Why does the sun rise in the morning?

Dear BBQ Platypus,

I was wondering what religon you are since it is close to the hollidays. Also could you give me some good gift ideas for my wife?

sincerly,
Cyviking

P.S. Does BBQ Platypus really taste like chicken?

What's the meaning of life?


Is there life after death?


Why is the world round?


What is the color of the sky in BBY Platypus's world?

I read an article in Scientific America that basically said the sky is really more purple then blue. It was pretty interesting. They were saying that the sky has more purple wavelengths then blue did and that the only reason it appears blue to humans is the way the eye recieves light. Some animals can see the sky as purple the color it is.

No bull shit either.

Just figured I'd share.

BBQ is trying to be like Strongbad here, so I'll play along:

Dear BBQ,

It seems funny to me that nowadays women were such skimpy and revealing clothes. I see bellys and cracks all the time at the college. Also, they tend to be putting on a little extra pounds too with all the fast food and junk like that.

Why are younger women/girls doing this? Flaunting flab? What would you suggest?

Whoa, whoa! Slow down, people! I may or may not have several personalities, but I only have ONE body! One at a time from now on!

"Prophet" wrote:

Why does the sun rise in the morning?

Easy. Because it's afraid of the ground. Seriously, that ground is one bad-@ss mothaf!ka. Ol' Groundy don't take no $h!t from nobody. If you were the sun, you'd run away, too.

"cyviking" wrote:

Dear BBQ Platypus,

I was wondering what religon you are since it is close to the hollidays. Also could you give me some good gift ideas for my wife?

sincerly,
Cyviking

P.S. Does BBQ Platypus really taste like chicken?

Dear Cyviking,

Although I am personally a non-denominational Christian, I think religion should have nothing to do with your holiday gift-giving ideas. Christmas has already become almost totally commercial as it is; you might as well acknowledge it, excluding your family from your gift-giving list, then further narrowing it down until it includes only ME, and sending me your entire life's savings, car, and wife. I also want your soul if you haven't already sold it to someone else.

Much turkey, stuffing, and heartwarming TV specials,
BBQ Platypus

P.S. Yes. Everything tastes like chicken. Fish tastes like chicken. Calimari tastes like chicken. Strawberries taste like chicken. Barbeceued Platypus tastes like chicken. So, ladies, if you like the taste of chicken... :lol:

"whackthepack" wrote:

What's the meaning of life?


Is there life after death?


Why is the world round?


What is the color of the sky in BBY Platypus's world?

You might want to cut down on the "Return" key there.

The meaning of life is simple: NO FAT CHICKS. That's all you need to know. If you keep that in mind, everything will be just peachy.

God, I hope there isn't life after death. Because life SUCKS. No, thanks. There had better be something a helluva lot better than life awaiting me after I die. I'll be seriously disappointed if "life" is the best that God can come up with.

The world is NOT round, and you can't PROVE it unless you've been to space, which nobody has, because the government faked it! The photos you've seen are all DOCTORED, I tell you!!! The REAL shape of the world is either doughnut-shaped, a theory which has come under fire from criminally insane experts, or rhombicosidodecahedral, which is becoming the prominent theory among total nutjobs.

As for your last question, I don't know. What am I, a freaking psychic? How am I supposed to know what this BBY Platypus guy is thinking? I've never even heard of him! For all I know, he may come from an alternate universe filled with hideous misspellings!

"ultravikingfan" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

It seems funny to me that nowadays women were such skimpy and revealing clothes. I see bellys and cracks all the time at the college. Also, they tend to be putting on a little extra pounds too with all the fast food and junk like that.

Why are younger women/girls doing this? Flaunting flab? What would you suggest?

There are three possible reasons why they might do such a thing:

1. They are hoping to pass by a man with poor eyesight, or perhaps an unusual funhouse mirror that will make them look attractive.
2. They are sadistic, and are trying to spread misery through skimpy clothing on their hideous person.
3. They are too dumb to know that these outfits were not designed with them in mind.

I recommend that you keep my life philosophy in mind (see above). Make yourself feel less insecure by making fun of them. Bonus points if you can make them cry.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Random thought: If you mix pasta and antipasta, will they explode?

Dear BBQ,

Why don't the Packers have cheerleaders?

Prophet

Dear BBQ Platypus,

My job recently screwed me out of some benifits and other than quitting there is nothing I can do about it for a whole year. How would you handle this situation?

Sincerly,
Cyviking

P.S. Im sorry, I have sold my soul to someone else so you cant have it (its a part of the deal for being married)

"Prophet" wrote:

Dear BBQ,

Why don't the Packers have cheerleaders?

Prophet

Because they can't teach the cows how to dance and "MOO" sounds too much like "BOO" (although this year "BOO" IS the cheer of choice at Lamboo! :lol: