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  1. #1
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
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    Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    I decided to steal an idea that I saw in another forum.
    Hell, I'm quoting from the first post VERBATIM.

    Assemble a list of about 5-7 fictional characters (from movies, books, comic books, video games, legends, etc).
    Try to avoid religious figures (even if you're an atheist and technically think they should count).
    If Jesus is on your super-team, there's really no point in having anybody else, is there?

    Anycrap, your group of intrepid made-up guys and/or gals would have to deal with some sort of problem.
    The catch is that you have no idea what kind of problem it will be.
    It could be a giant meteor, or it could be a pending economic collapse. You just don't know.

    And be kind of serious about it - pick a team you think would do well (even if it's for a facetious reason).
    Don't just say "Sue Storm from the Fantastic Four movie, Max from Dark Angel, Nancy from Sin City, Sam from Into the Blue, Honey from Honey, and the girl from 'Camp Nowhere,' only legal now." No Justice League of Albas!


    For my list, I tended to favor brains without forsaking brawn, to try to assemble a team capable of tackling both big planetary crises and relatively smaller-scale criminal organizations.
    I made a point of avoiding obvious choices like Superman or Jesus.
    So without further ado, here's my Uber-Squad of Justice:

    1. The Leader - Batman



    For obvious reasons.
    In addition to his abilities as a crimefighter and a detective, he also has a buttload of money.
    If I have to choose a SPECIFIC portrayal of Batman, I'll go with the B-Dawg as portrayed in TAS because that's the version I know best.

    2. Second-in-command - MacGyver



    The usefulness of a guy who can make virtually anything out of common household items and worthless pieces of bric-a-brac cannot be overstated.
    His problem-solving skills (and improbable technical expertise) make him a natural choice as a team strategist and second-in-command.
    (His tendency to seek non-violent solutions also makes him a natural foil for Batman - they would work well together).

    3. The Muscle - The Hulk



    The obvious choice - if you're looking for muscle, why not go with the guy who's pretty much ALL muscle?
    As mentioned previously, if you have the Hulk, you've also got Bruce Banner (assuming you can call him down), giving you some added brainpower.
    Still, I probably would have gone with Bane if it weren't for the obvious problems that would be raised by putting him on the same team as Batman.

    4. The "Reformed" Evil Genius - Lex Luthor


    [size=6pt](I have no idea where this picture came from, but it kicks WAY too much jiggly butt for me not to use it.)[/size]

    Granted, employing a villain known for diabolically ingenious scheming can have its risks, but sometimes, there's just no substitute for "knowing thy enemy."
    In addition to his scientific expertise and invaluable information on how the underworld operates, Luthor brings with him the resources of ANOTHER multinational corporation, LexCorp.

    He gets the nod over other - and arguably better - criminal masterminds like Kane from the Command & Conquer series because he has more ties to the establishment - he benefits from the status quo (or a system similar to it), and as such can't go into hiding like some evil geniuses can, nor is he likely to try to destroy the ENTIRE world infrastructure.
    After all, that's where his money is.
    He also has a history of reluctant "cooperation" with Superman (and other heroes) when some terrible threat to the world presents itself.
    (Although he DID side with General Zod).

    5. The Special Ops Leader - Colonel John Matrix



    Need someone to go deep inside enemy lines and rescue somebody's daughter?
    Need to get your hands on the enemy's top-secret plans while killing as many incompetent lackeys as possible?
    Have some Green Berets who need to be eaten for breakfast?
    Well, then John Matrix is your man.
    No matter what job you give him, he'll get it done in ridiculous fashion, and throw in a few hilariously dumb one-liners to boot.

    6. The Wise Old Dude - Gandalf the Grey/White/Greyish-White/Vaguely-Creme-Colored



    One of the two quintessential Wise Old Dudes, he gets the nod over Obi-Wan Kenobi because he doesn't die at the end (although, to be fair, death didn't stop Obi-Wan from fulfilling his duties as Wise Old Dude).
    In addition to his ability to look old and pensive whilst dispensing sage advice, he is also a powerful wizard/sorcerer-type guy.
    Good times.

    7. The jiggly butt-Kicking Babe - Agent Sydney Bristow

    [img width=450 height=469]http://gallery.jen-garner.net/albums/ep-promos/season3/sydney17.jpg[/img]

    Out of all the members of this fictional squad, this was by far the easiest choice.
    She's skilled in like, martial arts and espionage and whatnot,.
    More importantly, Jennifer Garner ranks an eleventy jillion out of ten on the Platypus Strokability Scale.
    The only possible objection to this choice that I can think of is that she's TOO hot - so much so that it might be distracting to every other member of the super-team.
    (Actually, that's a pretty reasonable objection.
    On the other hand, floop it - she stays).

    8. The Fifth Wheel - Aquaman (as portrayed in the various Superfriends TV series, when he was at his gayest)



    Every superteam needs to have at least one member who is completely worthless.
    This member is never seen doing anything remotely useful.
    Debate the merits of Aquaman's actual powers all you will, I think we'll all agree that no portrayal of any superhero in the history of all forms of media is as lame and worthless as the Superfriends version of Aquaman.
    The most Aquaman could do for this superteam is get killed.
    He wouldn't even be capable of answering phones:

    INT. WORLD UBERMENSCH (NOT THE NAZI KIND - THE GOOD KIND) HEADQUARTERS, RECEPTIONIST'S DESK

    (phone rings)

    AQUAMAN:
    Blurb brrrbbb gurgle.
    Burgle gargle?

    ANONYMOUS CALLER:
    Yes, I'd like to speak with Mr. Luthor, please.
    Is he in?

    AQUAMAN:
    Glug brrrg.
    (shouting) Brrrrgzl blub blub blubbbbbbbbb? (Brief pause) Blib blub, blurb gargle.

    ANONYMOUS CALLER:
    Um...is that a yes or a no?

    The logic is undeniable.
    Aquaman is easily the best suited and most deserving of the role of useless cannon fodder or human sacrifice.
    He would also supply the unintentional comic relief, serving as the Immovable Object to this Unstoppable Force.


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  2. #2
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team


  3. #3
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    "BadlandsViking" wrote:
    Heh.
    Nice. ;D


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  4. #4
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    I would nominate John Rambo for special ops and Santa Claus for Wise Old Guy.

  5. #5
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    Jack Daniel should be resurrected to motivate your team.

  6. #6
    tgorsegner's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    Indiana Jones
    Jack Ryan (from Tom Clancy Novels)
    Jack Bauer (from 24)
    BA Baracus (Mr. T on the A-Team)
    Lara Croft


    VikesFan787, Thanks for the awesome sig!

  7. #7
    vikesfargo's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    My Team:

    1. Odysseus (team leader)

    2. Chuck Norris (muscle)

    3. James Bond (stealth, surveillance, interpersonal relations)

    4. Reed Richards (the brain)

    5. Obi-Wan Kenobi (spiritual force)

    6. Adrian Peterson (#28, Minnesota Vikings), the athlete

    7. Uma Thurman as The Bride (from Kill Bill), the bombshell babe/Amazon warrior


    How's that?


    Go Vikings!

  8. #8
    Zeus's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    "BBQ" wrote:
    I decided to steal an idea that I saw in another forum.
    Hell, I'm quoting from the first post VERBATIM.

    Assemble a list of about 5-7 fictional characters (from movies, books, comic books, video games, legends, etc).
    I have Purple Jesus on my team, and I need no other.

    =Z=

    Thanks to Josdin for the awesome sig!

  9. #9
    marstc09's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    "Zeus" wrote:
    "BBQ" wrote:
    I decided to steal an idea that I saw in another forum.
    Hell, I'm quoting from the first post VERBATIM.

    Assemble a list of about 5-7 fictional characters (from movies, books, comic books, video games, legends, etc).
    I have Purple Jesus on my team, and I need no other.

    =Z=
    I knew you were going to say that.

    All I need is Randy Moss!

  10. #10
    Articnv's Avatar
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    Re: Assemble Your Own Super-Team

    Honor harrigton from brain and tact (honorverse) book serisd
    by david webber

    Ghost for specail ops and has ihis own army - john ringo books

    for plain old fighting and fixing things
    the tinke r from the sacket seris

    Muscle
    beastMaster - his abiolitie
    to comincute with animals a plus

    Genral knowldeg and repair MacGyver

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