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  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Oct 2006

    All 5.5 Million Madden Consumers Dead in Worst Madden Jinx Ever

    [size=12pt]All 5.5 Million Madden Consumers Dead in Worst Madden Jinx Ever[/size]
    [size=1pt]Disclaimer: the IQ scale doesn't go low enough to encompass your intelligence if you believed this.[/size]

    In what many are calling the worst “Madden Jinx” yet, all 5.5 million people who purchased this year’s edition of the game have reportedly died.

    “This is a horrible, horrible tragedy,” said President Bush. “The worst tragedy in American history. If only we had known the true strength of the Madden curse, perhaps this could have been prevented.”

    The supposed jinx – which in the past has delivered various levels of doom to cover subjects such as Marshall Faulk, Daunte Culpepper, Michael Vick, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb and Shaun Alexander – was thought to have been contained this year in Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young, the Madden 08 cover subject who is having a terrible year on the field.

    But, clearly, Young is not a victim of the ’08 curse – because he is still alive.

    Hospitals across the country began reporting high numbers of unexplained fatalities at the beginning of this weekend – many among seemingly healthy young men aged 16-35. By Sunday evening, with the death toll skyrocketing into the millions, a working theory was developed: the Madden curse had turned on its consumers. And by late last night it was confirmed: all 5.5 million who died owned copies of Madden 08.

    “It seems the focus of the jinx moved from the player pictured on the game to the little E at the bottom left of the front cover – a little E that stands for Everyone,” said President Bush. “A game rating that was intended to be welcoming to all instead welcome 5.5 million of our citizens into eternal rest.”

    The five-plus million who died this weekend were stricken with severe strokes or brain aneurysms during the brightly colored, flashy intro into the game.

    “All those flashing lights and photos, while exciting, when paired with the power of the Madden curse were too powerful for their brains to process and they essentially exploded,” said Robert Monsanta, Cook County (Illinois) chief coronoer.

    Shawn Scott, the lead programmer of Madden Football at EA Sports, says that while tragic, the 5.5 million deaths give his job a new focus.

    “We strive to improve the game every year, but sometimes that’s hard, to be honest,” said Scott. “But now for next year we’ll make it our goal: don’t kill everyone. So I think it’s all up for us from here. And I’m excited about the high percentage of first-time buyers we’ll have for Madden 09.”
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Apr 2006

    Re: All 5.5 Million Madden Consumers Dead in Worst Madden Jinx Ever

    ll gamers need to eat more pickles.

  3. #3
    marcosMN is offline Star Spokesman
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    Dec 1969
    Mpls, MN

    Re: All 5.5 Million Madden Consumers Dead in Worst Madden Jinx Ever

    I'm glad the warning made a comeback.

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