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Thread: 72 Virgins

  1. #1
    COJOMAY is offline Jersey Retired
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    72 Virgins

    SEVENTY-TWO VIRGINS
    by STEVE MARTIN - NY Times

    Virgin No. 1: Yuck.

    Virgin No. 2: Ick.

    Virgin No. 3: Ew.

    Virgin No. 4: Ow.

    Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!

    Virgin No. 6: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years.

    Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!

    Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?

    Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?

    Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . .

    Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.

    Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!

    Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?

    Virgin No. 14: I’m eighty-four. So what?

    Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

    Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny.

    Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what?

    Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus.

    Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.

    Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair!

    Virgin No. 21: I hope you’re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others.

    Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?

    Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?

    Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”?

    Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!

    Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?

    Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?

    Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead.

    Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.

    Virgin No. 30: You are in?

    Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.

    Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.

    Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?

    Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.

    Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”

    Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.

    Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.

    Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.

    Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind.

    Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?

    Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops—you again.

    Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime?

    Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom.

    Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.

    Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is.

    Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours.

    Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.

    Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino.

    Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late.

    Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over I’m going to find one.

    Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?

    Virgin No. 52: Not now, I’m on my BlackBerry.

    Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.

    Virgin No. 54: We’ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous.

    Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins.

    Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?

    Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me.

    Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.

    Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving?

    Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex.

    Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.

    Virgin No. 62: Was that it?

    Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you.

    Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob.

    Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why?

    Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money.

    Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?

    Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?

    Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.

    Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.

    Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom.

    Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.
    Kentucky Vikes Fan

    When you require nothing, you get nothing; when you expect nothing, you will find nothing; when you embrace nothing, all you will have is nothing.

  2. #2
    VKG4LFE's Avatar
    VKG4LFE is offline Jersey Retired Tetris Champion, Monkey GO Happy 4 Champion
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    Re: 72 Virgins

    LOL

    No. 71: I'm not very good at this but let's start out with the Reverse Lotus Blossom!! hilarious!

    I get the most pissed off looks from people with my VKG 4 LFE Wisconsin license plate, and I LOVE IT!!

  3. #3
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: 72 Virgins

    "COJOMAY" wrote:
    SEVENTY-TWO VIRGINS
    by STEVE MARTIN - NY Times

    Virgin No. 1: Yuck.

    Virgin No. 2: Ick.

    Virgin No. 3: Ew.

    Virgin No. 4: Ow.

    Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!

    Virgin No. 6: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years.

    Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!

    Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?

    Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?

    Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . .

    Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.

    Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!

    Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?

    Virgin No. 14: I’m eighty-four. So what?

    Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

    Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny.

    Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what?

    Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus.

    Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.

    Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair!

    Virgin No. 21: I hope you’re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others.

    Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?

    Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?

    Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”?

    Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!

    Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?

    Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?

    Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead.

    Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.
    Virgin No. 30: You are in?

    Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.

    Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.
    Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?

    Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.

    Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”

    Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.

    Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.

    Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.
    Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind.

    Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?

    Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops—you again.

    Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime?

    Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom.

    Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.

    Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is.

    Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours.
    Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.

    Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino.

    Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late.

    Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over I’m going to find one.

    Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?

    Virgin No. 52: Not now, I’m on my BlackBerry.

    Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.

    Virgin No. 54: We’ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous.

    Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins.

    Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?

    Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me.

    Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.

    Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving?

    Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex.

    Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.

    Virgin No. 62: Was that it?

    Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you.

    Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob.

    Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why?

    Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money.

    Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?

    Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?

    Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.

    Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.

    Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom.

    Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.
    LMAO, those are funny

  4. #4
    Ltrey33 is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
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    Posts
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    Re: 72 Virgins

    LOL! That was good Cojo!

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