LMAO, those are funny
by STEVE MARTIN - NY Times
Virgin No. 1: Yuck.
Virgin No. 2: Ick.
Virgin No. 3: Ew.
Virgin No. 4: Ow.
Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!
Virgin No. 6: Iâ€™m Becky. Iâ€™ll be legal in two years.
Virgin No. 7: Here, Iâ€™ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!
Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?
Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?
Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, â€œLike, what are you doing here?,â€ and I go, â€œIâ€™m hanginâ€™ out,â€ so he goes, â€œLike, what?â€ . . .
Virgin No. 11: First youâ€™re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.
Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!
Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?
Virgin No. 14: Iâ€™m eighty-four. So what?
Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Virgin No. 16: Even I know thatâ€™s tiny.
Virgin No. 17: â€œDo itâ€? Meaning what?
Virgin No. 18: Iâ€™m saving myself for Jesus.
Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.
Virgin No. 20: Donâ€™t touch my hair!
Virgin No. 21: I hope youâ€™re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others.
Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?
Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?
Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, â€œCould I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?â€?
Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!
Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?
Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?
Virgin No. 28: Itâ€™s so romantic here, dead.
Virgin No. 29: Well, Iâ€™m a virgin, but my hand isnâ€™t.
Virgin No. 30: You are in?
Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.
Virgin No. 32: Iâ€™m a virgin because Iâ€™m so ugly.
Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?
Virgin No. 34: Iâ€™ll betcha you canâ€™t get an erection. Go on, impress me. Câ€™mon, show me. Show me, big shot.
Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven â€œvirginâ€ has a slightly different meaning. It means â€œchatty.â€
Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.
Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.
Virgin No. 38: Iâ€™m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.
Virgin No. 39: Itâ€™s a lesion, and, no, I donâ€™t know what kind.
Virgin No. 40: Iâ€™m Jewish. Why do you ask?
Virgin No. 41: Hi, Iâ€™m Becky. Oh, whoopsâ€”you again.
Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime?
Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, Iâ€™m a single mom.
Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.
Virgin No. 45: When youâ€™re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is.
Virgin No. 46: Iâ€™m almost there. Just another couple of hours.
Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.
Virgin No. 48: No, youâ€™ve got it wrong. Weâ€™re in the Paradise Casino.
Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, itâ€™s late.
Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over Iâ€™m going to find one.
Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, â€œmove a littleâ€?
Virgin No. 52: Not now, Iâ€™m on my BlackBerry.
Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.
Virgin No. 54: Weâ€™ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes itâ€™s O.K. to say something mildly humorous.
Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins.
Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?
Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know itâ€™s not me.
Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.
Virgin No. 59: Did you know that â€œvirginâ€ is an anagram of Irving?
Virgin No. 60: First â€œSpamalot,â€ then sex.
Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.
Virgin No. 62: Was that it?
Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you.
Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob.
Virgin No. 65: Theyâ€™re called â€œadult diapers.â€ Why?
Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in DÃ¼sseldorf for money.
Virgin No. 67: Iâ€™m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?
Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?
Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.
Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.
Virgin No. 71: Iâ€™m not very good at this, but letâ€™s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom.
Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.