Thread: Bowden's inspirational speech

[size=12pt]Bobby Bowden Delivers Inspiring Halftime Pep Talk To Motivate Himself To Not Die[/size]
[size=1pt]Disclaimer: if you are such a dumb fucker that you do not check the linked source and you are so retarded that you believe this story, even for a second...be thankful that I am not the dictator and have not mandated a death sentence for all mentally challenged people.[/size]



The Bobby Bowden of old re-emerged briefly on Saturday afternoon as the embattled, 78-year old Florida State coach delivered a riveting halftime speech to inspire his Seminole team for the second half, while at the same time motivate himself to stay alive.

“So what if we’re not going to win a national championship this year!” yelled Bowden at one part of his speech. “Just because we’re down doesn’t mean we’re out! Right?! We still have something to play for! Pride! And we still have something to live for! And that’s ... that’s ... that is ... umm ... that would be ... well, I’m not quite sure anymore. But you have something to play for! So just put ‘em in here, gentlemen, and lets say ‘Seminoles’ on three and have a good second half.”

Florida State quarterback Drew Weatherford said Bowden’s speech, despite having some low points, proved motivational for the team.

“We got the message loud and clear,” said Weatherford. “Coach Bowden probably isn’t going to be around much longer. So soon we will have to play for his memory when he dies, so we better kick it into gear now. At least that’s what I got out of it.”

Bowden says that despite his efforts, he’s not sure if he successfully motivated himself to keep waking up each morning.

“This football program that I built up is in the toilet and has been for a few years with no relief in sight,” said Bowden. “All I worked for is gone. My one son beats the crap out of me every year. My other son failed me as an offensive coordinator. And my other son is some sort of freakish, obese troll. Joe Paterno is passing me for all-time wins. I’m old. Really, really old. I’m losing my mind. The game long ago passed me by. I regularly crap my pants. ‘Matlock’ and ‘Murder She Wrote’ have been cancelled for years. I give up. I have nothing to live for. Death has been knocking on my door for years, and I think I’m ready to let it in.”

Bowden says the only thing that truly inspires him to get out of bed each morning and keep his decrepit heart beating is the chance that he will turn on the TV and see that Paterno has passed on.

“Keeping that all-time coaching victories record is all that I have left,” says Bowden. “If only he would go, then I could finally give in, too. Sometimes when I nod off at practice or during games, I dream that Joe is dead. One of these days I may just decide to not wake back up.”

Jo Pa and Bowden are living so long because of pickles