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  1. #31
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    "BloodyHorns82" wrote:
    TFLN:


    (908): I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
    (908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
    908 is my area code..

  2. #32
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    Time for a new installment!

    (586): we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
    (510): You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
    (619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
    (405): Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
    (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
    (614): Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
    (1-614): condoms and good judgment
    (614): Can I buy both of those at the same store?
    (917): She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
    (609): Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
    =Z=

    Thanks to Josdin for the awesome sig!

  3. #33
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (706):
    it's people like you that make me pro choice.
    (972):
    I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
    (203):
    you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
    (570): hey baby i just wanted to let you know last night was amazing , for being a virgin that was great. (rec'vd): This is her dad, don't fall asleep tonight!!
    (207):
    i just woke up snuggling 15 lollipops.
    (323):
    You know that guy I went home with? You won't believe this but I now know what it feels like to be Donkey Punched...
    (818):
    The brother of the girl I was getting a blow job off walked in on us. I didn't know what to do so i high-fived him!!!

  4. #34
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

  5. #35
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (480): This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

  6. #36
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (573): let me sum up the night for you... my dick went from ====> to =>
    (403): she blows me all the time with her bro in the same room... we are always slightly hidden so he cant see what shes doing... he likes to make eye contact with me though
    (717): boobs are like coupons for free stuff
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  7. #37
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (303)
    Got a call from TW and told him to post on a football forum that the world will end in 120 days. The dumbass then literally went to the refrigerator and made purple kool-aid while masturbating to a percy harvin highlight video.-K.Trudeau

  8. #38
    i_bleed_purple's Avatar
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    a new batch:

    TFLN (not a teriffic bunch today)
    (512): Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
    (830): its hotter. Way hotter.
    (440): she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
    (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
    (504): Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
    (757): There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
    (516): There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
    (785): Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
    (209): I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
    (859): Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

    mdt

    (812):
    I just saw a midget walking a three legged dog.
    (816):
    it was like i was f**king a jelly fish. she just lay there and jiggled as though it was meant to be pleasuresome.
    (570):
    Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo 'til i google all over your facebook?
    (818):
    she started singing "eye of the tiger" mid-fuck...
    (716):
    I played the maze game on a girls ipod touch while she gave me head, and I beat her highscore.

  9. #39
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    "UffDaVikes" wrote:
    (303)
    Got a call from TW and told him to post on a football forum that the world will end in 120 days. The dumbass then literally went to the refrigerator and made purple kool-aid while masturbating to a percy harvin highlight video.-K.Trudeau
    lol, sounds like a reasonable thing to do when we're down to 115 days.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  10. #40
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    Haven't updated this in a while.
    Here are some goodies...

    (610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
    (206): ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
    (818): oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
    (978): why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
    (345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
    (574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
    (617): i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
    (207): I think we should see other people.
    (1-207): Already working on it.
    (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
    =Z=

    Thanks to Josdin for the awesome sig!

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