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  1. #21
    jmcdon00's Avatar
    jmcdon00 is offline Jersey Retired Snake Champion, Moto Trial Fest 2: Mountain Pack Champion, LL City Truck 2 Champion, Arithmetic sequence Champion, Troops Tower Defense Champion
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    lmao, greatest site ever(excluding PPO of course).
    Keep em comin.

  2. #22
    BloodyHorns82's Avatar
    BloodyHorns82 is offline Jersey Retired Feed The Frog Champion
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (519): and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
    (213): I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
    (973): who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
    (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
    And my favorite for today:

    (760): There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

  3. #23
    NodakPaul's Avatar
    NodakPaul is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    "BloodyHorns82" wrote:
    (213): I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
    Man, we've all had those nights... ;D
    Zeus wrote:
    When are you going to realize that picking out the 20 bad throws this year and ignoring the 300 good ones does not make your point?

    =Z=

  4. #24
    C Mac D's Avatar
    C Mac D is offline Posting to P'own
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    "NodakPaul" wrote:
    "BloodyHorns82" wrote:
    (213): I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
    Man, we've all had those nights... ;D
    I found my keys and a garage door opener (which was shattered to pieces) in my bathtub one morning. My roommate said I just kept throwing my keys all over the apartment.

    Weird thing is, I don't have a garage. Haven't for about 5 years. No idea where it came from.

    Disclaimer: I'm an idiot.

  5. #25
    jmcdon00's Avatar
    jmcdon00 is offline Jersey Retired Snake Champion, Moto Trial Fest 2: Mountain Pack Champion, LL City Truck 2 Champion, Arithmetic sequence Champion, Troops Tower Defense Champion
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (858): i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
    (720): yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures

    (843): happy early fathers day!!!
    (829): im not a father
    (843): about that...

    (843): I think im pregnant
    (803): I think you have the wrong number

    (410): it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.

  6. #26
    jmcdon00's Avatar
    jmcdon00 is offline Jersey Retired Snake Champion, Moto Trial Fest 2: Mountain Pack Champion, LL City Truck 2 Champion, Arithmetic sequence Champion, Troops Tower Defense Champion
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    (775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
    (813): I'm fucking your sister right now.
    (1-813): You motherfucker
    (813): She's next.
    (508): I'm so horny!
    (781): I'm so hungry
    (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
    (781): For your pussy...
    (602): So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
    (623): What did she do!?
    (602): I didn't tell her...
    (502): Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
    (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
    (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
    (216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
    (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
    (510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
    (216): let's bang
    (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
    (310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
    (770): b/c u have herpes
    (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.



  7. #27
    VikingMike's Avatar
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    Similar site...similar messages.

    [size=13pt]My Drunk Texts[/size]



    (309): What are you up to? I miss you so much... The batteries died in my dildo.
    (773): Katie just gave me head on top of the ferris wheel and spit out my load 30 ft onto the ground! (rec'vd): Make that 24 ft because it landed on my head. Youre dead. No joke.
    (401): I just woke up in a tent with this girl, sat there for 15 minutes trying to remember her name, when she woke up she said "Hi, I'm ashley." I think I'm in love!
    (336): im more baked than the gingerbread man, im hittin these joints like $4 prostitutes
    (850): i told her to eat a cock meat sandwich next thing i knew she was rubbing mayonnaise on my dick.. 100 pts for me!!
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  8. #28
    VikingMike's Avatar
    VikingMike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    From My Drunk Texts:

    (562): ok, before you get here. this girl thinks im someone she knows named jen and she's giving me free tequila so DONT F*** IT UP.
    (626): im hotter than 2 moles fucking in a wool sock.
    (337): i want to text you about midgets because everyone seems to be obsessed with them when they're drunk.
    (269): I threw up all over him and he still asked me for my number. Can you say biggest confidence boost ever?
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  9. #29
    VikingMike's Avatar
    VikingMike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    MDT:

    (817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
    (336): how the f*ck do you spell takeela?
    (518): I woke up in my Bed with my Chinchillas and my pubes were shaved.
    (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  10. #30
    BloodyHorns82's Avatar
    BloodyHorns82 is offline Jersey Retired Feed The Frog Champion
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    Re: Texts From Last Night

    TFLN:

    (619): i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
    (815): i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
    (908): I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
    (908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
    (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
    (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
    (801): alright see you in the morning.
    (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

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