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TFLN
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(251): just found the deal breaker
(1-251): hairy back?
(251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
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780): Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero
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(818): dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
(626): well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
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(979): i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
(903): wow. i have no words.
mdt
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(818): ...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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(360):
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you.
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(508):
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load.
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"Sink or Float" - Best. Game. Ever Drunk with Whit and Greg trying to bet if things will sink or float [img width=450 height=337]http://static.mydrunkpix.com/uploads/pics/thumbs/1896-310.jpg[/img]
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(970):
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
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(701):
I'm going to church tomorrow for the first time in a long time. (701-1) Cool, will you ask Jesus if I can take his mom's cherry?
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(314):
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
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(519):
i ate so much spicy shit it feels like i'm giving birth to fucking dragons.
tfln
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(214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
(1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
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(225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
(1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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(540): LETS GO REDSKINS!
(276): Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
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(954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
]quote]
(773): My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
(1-773): didn't stop?
(773): naw, they were rude, not me. [/quote]