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Thread: Taking a dump.

  1. #461
    jmcdon00's Avatar
    jmcdon00 is offline Jersey Retired Snake Champion, Moto Trial Fest 2: Mountain Pack Champion, LL City Truck 2 Champion, Arithmetic sequence Champion, Troops Tower Defense Champion
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    "Prophet" wrote:
    "cogitans" wrote:
    "renovikesfan" wrote:

    My dump story goes back several years.....and may just give me claim as coming as close as any man should have to, to experiencing the pain of childbirth.
    Rather than type out a long, boring novelette, though, I'll just give you the Cliff's notes version.

    1) bleeding hemorrhoids
    2) external AND internal
    3) at LEAST a foot and a half long (partially hidden and sticking out of water)
    4) approx. 3 to 4 inches in diameter
    5) crying WAS involved
    6) literally crawled back to my bedroom
    7) forgot to flush...was asked by my dad the following morning what I had decided to


    name it...LOL

    Now that has to bee some sort of record.

    And you're hereby awarded a bunch of man points.
    I bet it hurt to tell that story.
    Forgot to flush? Not with a terd that big, you wanted a witness. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, there have been several craps in my life that I wish someone would have been around to admire it(not that it was as large as your or even close). :'(

  2. #462
    jargomcfargo's Avatar
    jargomcfargo is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    "cogitans" wrote:
    "renovikesfan" wrote:

    My dump story goes back several years.....and may just give me claim as coming as close as any man should have to, to experiencing the pain of childbirth.
    Rather than type out a long, boring novelette, though, I'll just give you the Cliff's notes version.

    1) bleeding hemorrhoids
    2) external AND internal
    3) at LEAST a foot and a half long (partially hidden and sticking out of water)
    4) approx. 3 to 4 inches in diameter
    5) crying WAS involved
    6) literally crawled back to my bedroom
    7) forgot to flush...was asked by my dad the following morning what I had decided to


    name it...LOL

    Now that has to bee some sort of record.

    And you're hereby awarded a bunch of man points.
    Doesn't qualify for Boone and Crocket , Pope and Young, or Guinness book of records, unless the fire department has to be called in to chop it up, so it will flush.

    Eat more fiber!
    “What takes a quarterback to the next level is not arm strength or mobility or any of that stuff. It’s the ability to play on critical downs. Manage third downs, or red zones or four-minute or two-minute situations"
    Dilfer

  3. #463
    renovikesfan is offline Coordinator
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    "jmcdon00" wrote:
    Forgot to flush? Not with a terd that big, you wanted a witness. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, there have been several craps in my life that I wish someone would have been around to admire it(not that it was as large as your or even close). :'(

    Actually, believe it or not, yes...I totally forgot.
    In fact, I think I lost some childhood memories during the ordeal.
    LOL
    All I remember is feeling it, seeing it, crying, and crawling back to bed.

  4. #464
    singersp's Avatar
    singersp is offline PPO Newshound
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    "renovikesfan" wrote:
    "jmcdon00" wrote:
    Forgot to flush? Not with a terd that big, you wanted a witness. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, there have been several craps in my life that I wish someone would have been around to admire it(not that it was as large as your or even close). :'(

    Actually, believe it or not, yes...I totally forgot.
    In fact, I think I lost some childhood memories during the ordeal.
    LOL
    All I remember is feeling it, seeing it, crying, and crawling back to bed.
    It takes T.P. & is less of a mess if you don't fondle your feces after dumping it.

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  5. #465
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    When you meet Wildwoman (My Wife), ask her why her nick name at the Hunt Club is Logger Woman.

    Parts of this story are true........

    I have been a member of my hunting club going on 14 years now.
    The club consists of
    30 - 35 members which is a family oriented club were kids and wives are encouraged to participate.

    Anyway, one day we (WW and I) are coming in for lunch and and she says, hurry, I really gotta go.
    Picture this, we are about 2 miles from the club in the middle of no where.
    There is absolutely no way anyone in the world would/could see her taking a dump.

    Do you think she will go outside.....
    Heavens forbid no

    And I can tell by the desparate look in her eyes that she has to go.


    So I am beating the heck out of my truck to get her back to the club before she leaves something in her panties that she doesn't want.
    Well, I finally get her to the club which results in a sliding stop about 50 yards from the shitter and she bails out the door of the truck at a dead run for the facilities.

    A little history here.
    Our club has evolved over the years.
    We went from sleeping in a big tent to campers.
    From a handicapped chair that sat over a bucket to actual "facilities" that have flushing water hooked to a sewer.
    The "facilities" are a very tiny building we dubbed "The Little Brown House".



    Of course when we built the Little Brown House we didn't have those funtions in mind.
    All it was originally intended to do was provide a bit of privacy, sit over a hole that we would dig/fill in as it got full.
    Anyway, it wasn't intended to hold a flushing toilet so it was a pretty tight fit when you sat in there.

    Most of us would open the door, turn around and back in, close the door and then pull the drawers down.
    Afer you got settled in to do your business your knees were either tight up against the door if it was shut or you just let your knees keep the door open a crack.

    Back to the story.....

    About 15 minutes before I came to a sliding stop in the camp, one of our club members (Big Dave) had already entered the Little Brown House and was conducting business.
    Because we had alot of the wives and kids up there that weekend Big Dave pulled the door shut and put the little hook in the eye so that it was locked.

    He later said that all he could hear was her a huffing and a puffing as she was making tracks for his locations.
    He remained quiet as he thought she would try the door and then go away and wait until he was done.
    However, much to his chagrin, it didn't quiet work out that way.


    WW was in desparation mode at this time.

    She grabbed the door and pulled with such force he thougth the whole frame was coming out with the door.
    His actual statement was,....
    She snatched it open like the lock wasn't there and was already in the backdown mode with here drawers down around her ankles before I could stop her.

    Anyway, long story short, Dave come out of there pretty quick....
    Trying to get his drawers up.....

    WW wasn't phased, she went back into "Backdown mode" and left a log in there so big (Story has gotten better over the years) the club President had to get a skidder to pull it off into the woods so we could unplugg the Little Brown House.

    Only the skidder and turd size are made up.
    ;D
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  6. #466
    renovikesfan is offline Coordinator
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    Re: Taking a dump.



    LMAO!
    That's friggin' funny!
    Does she mind you sharing that story?
    LOL

  7. #467
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    "renovikesfan" wrote:


    LMAO!
    That's friggin' funny!
    Does she mind you sharing that story?
    LOL
    Yes.
    ;D
    She still loves me though.
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  8. #468
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    "Marrdro" wrote:
    When you meet Wildwoman (My Wife), ask her why her nick name at the Hunt Club is Logger Woman.

    Parts of this story are true........
    lmao, congrats, I think that's the first dump story about someone's wife.
    Too funny.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  9. #469
    cogitans is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    [img width=450 height=337]http://www.layoutcodez.net/myspace-graphics/funny/myspace-graphic-funny050.jpg[/img]

    Thanks to PPE for the sig.

  10. #470
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Re: Taking a dump.

    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

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