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  1. #1
    Prophet's Avatar
    Prophet is offline Jersey Retired
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    Sphincturbulence

    I'm sure we all have some nice fart stories to pass along.
    One of my best was clearing a blackjack table in Vegas.
    Let's hear your stories relate to the skank that comes out of your ass.

    First, a few facts.

    How much does a normal person pass per day?
    On average a person produces half a liter of fart gas per day.

    Why do they make noise?

    Vibrations of the anal opening.
    Sound depends on the velocity of gas expulsion and the tightness of the sphincter muscle.

    What makes farts stink?
    Typically it is hydrogen sulfide and mercaptans with a little methane thrown in for good measure.

    Click here for more fart facts.

    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  2. #2
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    The gaseous matter that ekes out of my anal orifice can be terrible at times, mostly because I drink cheap beer
    ;D

    I don't really have any good ones that you haven't heard before but my 3 favorites are:

    Easing one out while standing in line at the meat counter with my wife.

    Easing one out while in bed with the wife and pulling the covers up.

    Recently, easing one out in the elavator and blaming it on my mother-in-law.
    No one could get out.
    Left overs from a 30 pack of the beast and late night Taco Hell
    snack.
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  3. #3
    NodakPaul's Avatar
    NodakPaul is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    LOL.
    Your poor wife.
    Zeus wrote:
    When are you going to realize that picking out the 20 bad throws this year and ignoring the 300 good ones does not make your point?

    =Z=

  4. #4
    cogitans is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    Is it possible to kill someone by passing gas at them?

    Thanks to PPE for the sig.

  5. #5
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    "cogitans" wrote:
    Is it possible to kill someone by passing gas at them?
    After that elevator ride my Mother in Law thinks so
    ;D
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  6. #6
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    Was in line at an amusement park.
    Just as the line started to move I ripped a good one.
    We moved up a couple rows in the winding line.
    I looked back to where I used to be and saw everyone fanning the air and trying to blame each other.
    It was hilarious.
    SKOL VIKINGS

  7. #7
    tb04512's Avatar
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    i was playin basketball standing in the paint let one go as we ran down the court came back and everyone was looking at eachother like who poohed their pants... haha priceless

    Thanks josdin00

  8. #8
    Webby's Avatar
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    one of the best was when I was working as a temp back in college.
    I was working at the Northwest Banking headquarters in downtown Mpls.
    I had a terribly long night of drinking, buffalo pizza, and jagermeister.

    Now you know when you want to stop 'em at the gate but it doesn't work out?

    There I was, walking down the this terribly long hall past all the big executives' offices, and each step cracked out another loud report from my ass despite all my promises to my ass that I would kick it if it didn't knock that shit off.
    One executive actually looked out his door to see who was funking up the executive quarters.


    LMAO once I got off that floor!
    I think a plant died that day.

  9. #9
    Prophet's Avatar
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    ...
    Click here for more fart facts.
    Just to clarify, the women can partake with their stories too.
    According to the facts:

    Do men fart more than women?
    No, women fart just as much as men.
    It's just that most men take more pride in it than most women.
    There is a large variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per day, but the variation does not correlate with gender.

    Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?
    Based on experience of women's farts, probably not.
    Scientific studies of farts show that women's farts have a higher concentration of odor-causing gases than men's farts, but men's farts have a larger volume.
    The two factors equalize out (the same # of stench molecules for both), so the odor is about the same.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

  10. #10
    The Dropper's Avatar
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    Re: Sphincturbulence

    " Why do farts come out of your butt?




    The butt is the location of the anus in humans, and by definition, a fart is an anal escape of intestinal gas. We should be grateful that we are not crinoids. The crinoid is a marine creature with a U-shaped gut, and its anus is located next to its mouth."

    I actually know quite a few people with this same problem. Must be a genetic defect.

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