Thread: Official Joke Page II

i've got one for you:


green bay packers

"cajunvike" wrote:

"purplehorn" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"purplehorn" wrote:

!"

Welcome back, purplehorn...long time no see (on the board that is)!

Look forward to your contributions to the board this season! :grin:

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Thanks Rajun Cajun. I moved the family to Wyoming took 9 months
off work. FINALLY got wild blue satelite Internet and glad to be back
amongst the Purple Brethren. GO VIKES

Man, that must be a big switch for you....what occasioned the move?

My brother-in-law was working out in Rock Springs for quite awhile...he works for an oil outfit called Patterson Rental Tools.

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The Lil women wanted a bigger back yard so I bought 160 acres in Casper
and it is also 8 hours closer to the dome. Wahoo. That's the short version.
More in the move west young man saga to follow. :grin:

"purplehorn" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"purplehorn" wrote:

!"

Welcome back, purplehorn...long time no see (on the board that is)!

Look forward to your contributions to the board this season! :grin:

[size=9px][/size]

Thanks Rajun Cajun. I moved the family to Wyoming took 9 months
off work. FINALLY got wild blue satelite Internet and glad to be back
amongst the Purple Brethren. GO VIKES

Keep this thread to jokes please. :lol:



Angel Boobs

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row. She was wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else had left the church.

When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest voice, "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"

"Why reverend," the young thing replied. "All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."

"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said, "I don't hear any angels singing!"

"Of course not, reverend," she said. "You're not plugged in yet."

Looks bad on resume cover letters

1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.

2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.

3. I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.

4. I know where you live.

5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."

6. I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job.

7. Happy faces.

8. By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.

9. I'm confident that I'll get this job. The voices told me.

A Norwegian was sympathizing with a Swede who had lost three wives in less than a year. The Norwegian asked how they died.

"Vell, da first vun died from poisoned mushrooms," explained the Swede.

"And the second one?" asked the Norwegian?

"Same ting...poisoned mushrooms."

"How about the last one," asked the puzzled Norwegian.

"Oh her," said the Swede, "Fractured skull."

"How come?"

"Wouldn't eat her mushrooms."

"purplehorn" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"purplehorn" wrote:

"cajunvike" wrote:

"purplehorn" wrote:

!"

Welcome back, purplehorn...long time no see (on the board that is)!

Look forward to your contributions to the board this season! :grin:

[size=9px][/size]

Thanks Rajun Cajun. I moved the family to Wyoming took 9 months
off work. FINALLY got wild blue satelite Internet and glad to be back
amongst the Purple Brethren. GO VIKES

Man, that must be a big switch for you....what occasioned the move?

My brother-in-law was working out in Rock Springs for quite awhile...he works for an oil outfit called Patterson Rental Tools.

[size=9px][/size]

The Lil women wanted a bigger back yard so I bought 160 acres in Casper
and it is also 8 hours closer to the dome. Wahoo. That's the short version.
More in the move west young man saga to follow. :grin:

This IS a joke, Fedje...he actually still lives in NC...he's just setting up a much more elaborate joke than you realize! :lol:

A forester and lawyer

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"

St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

Breakfast Sex

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast.

He walks in and asks "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and says,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment".

He, thinking it's his lucky day,
stands her over the kitchen table and they have sex.

Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"

She says, "The egg timer's broken."

Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

The tradition at weddings

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"