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  1. #401
    cajunvike's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    :lol: Now Cajun, be nice! 6-KINGS didn't know it had been posted twice. :lol:
    Yes, Miss Lawyer Joke Poster!
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  2. #402
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Ole pushes his old Ford into a gas station. He tells Lars the mechanic it died. After Lars works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
    Ole says, "What's da story, den?"
    Lars replies, "Yust crap in the carburetor"
    Ole asks, "How often do I have to do dat?"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  3. #403
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    BloodyHorns82 is offline Jersey Retired Feed The Frog Champion
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    1. What do condoms and women have in common?!?












    A. Both spend more time in a guy's wallet than on his deck!!

  4. #404
    BloodyHorns82's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    The U.S government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.

    89% of the people in 49 states said "OH SH*T!"
    In Texas 94% said "Hold my beer, watch this!"

  5. #405
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    The M.U.N.S.A. test

    Have you an unusual Intelligence? Do you find you lose interest in supposedly "Interesting movies"? It could be that you're one of the 5% of the population that has the mental capacity of a steaming turd! If so, you may want to join MUNSA - Mentally Unemployed and Noticeably Stupid Association.

    Try the questionnaire below. The results could surprise you! If you can't even read the question, you're halfway there already - just get someone to fill out our full colour brochure at any trailing chemist, and you'll be in for some, good old fashioned non-challenging material.

    1. Which of the following WAS one of the famous Marx Brothers?

    a. STRETCH
    b. SKID
    c. HARPO
    d. TYRE

    2. The number missing from the series (1,2,4,..,16) is:

    a. YELLOW
    b. GERANIUM
    c. 8
    d. TYRE

    3. The letter missing from the series (a,b,c,..,e) is:

    a. z
    b. b
    c. d
    d. TYRE

    4. A man walks into a Barber Shop, with $5.00. He buys 2 lemons at 45c each, 1 Pickled Eel for $2.40, 4 packets of washing powder for $3.15 each. What will happen?

    a. The Barber will wonder where all the stuffs coming from
    b. He wasn't in a Barber's shop, it was a Dairy
    c. The Barber will ask him if he's from MUNSA
    d. Tyre

    5. Two trains leave the same station, but moving in opposite directions. The first train is travelling at 50km/hr EAST, while the second one is travelling 50km/hr WEST. Which train is travelling the fastest?

    a. The one going EAST
    b. The one going WEST
    c. Neither
    d. Tyre
    e. Why aren't there (e.)'s in all the other questions

    6. What comes next in the series (RED, GREEN)

    a. A car
    b. Orange
    c. Insufficient Data
    d. Tyre

    7. Mona Lisa was:

    a. A dissatisfied Woman
    b. A Song by Billy Idol
    c. A painting
    d. Tyre

    8. The cold war was about:

    a. Ice
    b. Autumn
    c. A few people at the top not liking each other
    d. Tyre

    9. Complete the following Sequence: (Tyre Tyre Tyre)

    a. Tyre
    b. Tyre
    c. Tyre
    d. Pardon?

    Ok, time to total up all your marks. Those of you who haven't mastered addition yet, go straight on to the application; you're the sort of person we're looking for. If not, Give yourself 5 points for every D, -5 for every C, (+10 if you can't add negative numbers yet), 0 for every B and 0 for every A you ticked. How did you do?

    90 to 50: OK! You're the sort of person we're looking for. Add 10 points to your score if you haven't got the hang of using anything but crayons yet.

    50 to -20: Who's been doing late night studying then? Sorry, you're just a run of the mill pleb - push off.

    -20 to -90: A computer geek I bet. Go join some place where they talk big numbers and floppy disks!

    Is 85 between 90 and 50? Alright! Go to the bottom of the class! You're a leading light in our Association; get someone to fill the form in for you and welcome aboard!

  6. #406
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Bill And Edna

    Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been carrying on a love affair. They were both 96 years old, and wheelchair bound.
    Every night, they would meet in the TV room. Edna would passively hold Bill's penis, and they would watch TV for an hour or so. It wasn't much, but it was all they had.
    One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next two nights either. Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him happily wheeling about the grounds.
    She confronted him and said: "Where were you these past couple of nights?"
    He replied: "If you must know, I was with another woman".
    "Bastard" She cried. "What were you doing?".
    "We do the exact same thing that you and I do" He answered.
    "Is she prettier or younger than I am?" She asked.
    "Nope, she looks the same, and she is 98 years old." Bill replied.
    "Well then, what does she have that I don't?" Edna asked.
    Bill smiled slyly and said: " Parkinson's disease".
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  7. #407
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Mother-in-law killed

    A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.

    While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.

    At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.

    Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

    The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would then ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

  8. #408
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Lena's car broke down on Highway #52 just outside of Bowdon, ND, one day. Lena eased her car over to the shoulder of the road. She got out and opened the trunk. Two men jumped out ... Lars and Sven. They were wearing trench coats. They stood at the back of the vehicle, and faced oncoming traffic. Then they held their coats open and exposed their naked bodies to the drivers who were approaching.

    This scene caused one of the worst pileups in history of the highway.

    It was not long before a police car showed up. The policeman, enraged, ran toward Lena's vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"

    "Ya, vell my car broke down," Lena said calmly.

    "Okay, so what are those perverts doing ?" asks the cop.

    Lena replied, "Vell, officer....... dose are my emergency flashers!"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  9. #409
    mr.woo's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    An honest lawyer
    HA HA!!!! stop it youre killing me ......
    oh wait theres more....:lol:
    woo out
    just two corn cobs shy of a bushel

  10. #410
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Tough Wife

    Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

    "Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

    "When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

    "Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say"?

    "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel !!!'
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

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