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  1. #211
    singersp's Avatar
    singersp is offline PPO Newshound
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    A very unattractive, nasty, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with
    her two kids. The Wal-Mart Greeter, asks, "Are they twins"?

    The ugly woman snarls, "Hell no, the oldest one, he's 9, and the younger
    one, she's 7.
    "Why... Do you think they really look alike?"

    "Hell no", replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"
    :sign5: Now that one I love!

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  2. #212
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    1,160

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "singersp" wrote:
    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    A very unattractive, nasty, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with
    her two kids. The Wal-Mart Greeter, asks, "Are they twins"?

    The ugly woman snarls, "Hell no, the oldest one, he's 9, and the younger
    one, she's 7.
    "Why... Do you think they really look alike?"

    "Hell no", replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"
    sign5 Now that one I love!
    that was good
    WE CAN BUILD ON THIS!!!

    In AP I trust

  3. #213
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Ole and Lena visit NY where they are caught in traffic on East 46th. A
    homeless person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls down the window.
    "Eh how's it going?" he says. "It's OK. Hey where are you folks from?" Ole
    says "We're from Minnesota." "Minnesota! I've been there. Had the worst sex
    of my life in Minnesota." Lena asks "What's he saying Ole?" "Ohhh he says
    he knows you Lena."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  4. #214
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Ole & Sven have just arrived in the USA by boat and Ole says to Sven," I
    hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."

    "Odd," Sven replies, "but if we are going to live in America, we might
    as well do as the Americans do."

    Nodding emphatically, Ole points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.

    "Two dogs, please," says Ole. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.

    Excited, Ole & Sven hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

    Sven opens his first. After staring at it for a moment, he leans over to Ole and whispers cautiously: "What part did you get?"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  5. #215
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.

    While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.

    The first guy says, I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E , you know... "
    Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist. "

    The second guy says, I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know . "
    Double Income, No Kids, Yet ."

    The third guy says, I'm a R.U.B, you know ... " Rich,
    Urban, Biker "

    The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know ... "
    Double Income,Little Dog Owner. "

    They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"
    She replies: I'm a WIFE, you know. " Wash, Iron,
    Fuck, Etc. "
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  6. #216
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    THIS IS HOW A 7 YEAR OLD KID EXPLAINS SEX

    Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys
    his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite
    a bit about 'making out' from the older boys,
    and he wondered what it was and how it was
    done.
    One day he took his question to his mother,
    who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
    things to Johnny, she told him to hide
    behind the curtains one night and watch his older
    sister and her boyfriend.

    This he did.

    The following morning, Johnny described
    EVERYTHING to his mother.

    "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for
    a while, then he turned off most of the lights.
    Then he started kissing and hugging her. I
    figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face
    started looking funny. He must have thought so
    too, because he put his hand inside her
    blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would.
    Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he
    seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
    I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both
    of them started panting and getting all out of
    breath. His other hand must have been cold
    because he put it under her skirt. About this
    time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh
    and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch.
    This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever,
    because Sis told him she felt really hot.

    Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel
    had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
    and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway
    he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
    away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her
    eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she
    started calling out to God and stuff like that. She
    said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I
    should tell her about the ones down at the lake by
    our house!

    Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill
    the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she
    grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while
    he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it
    over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis
    lay back and spread her legs so she could get a
    scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of
    the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started
    groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost
    upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the
    eel by squashing it between them.

    After awhile they both quit moving and gave a great sigh.
    Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the
    eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and
    some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her
    boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but
    they went back to courting anyway. He started
    hugging and kissing her again.

    By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to
    fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine
    lives or something. This time, Sis jumped
    up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a
    35 minute struggle, they finally killed the
    eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's
    boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  7. #217
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Ole and Lena were ice fishing one day, and Ole ran out of snoose. He told Lena she'd have to go across the lake and
    get some from Sven's General Store.

    After she left Ole called Sven on his cell phone and explained that Lena was coming after snoose for him, but
    he'd have to charge it because he didn't send any money with her.

    When Lars asked why not, Ole explained, "I didn't know how thick the ice was."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  8. #218
    YogidAbEAR's Avatar
    YogidAbEAR is offline Star Spokesman
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    2,037

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    lol, thats a good one

  9. #219
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    THIS IS HOW A 7 YEAR OLD KID EXPLAINS SEX

    Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys
    his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite
    a bit about 'making out' from the older boys,
    and he wondered what it was and how it was
    done.
    One day he took his question to his mother,
    who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining
    things to Johnny, she told him to hide
    behind the curtains one night and watch his older
    sister and her boyfriend.

    This he did.

    The following morning, Johnny described
    EVERYTHING to his mother.

    "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for
    a while, then he turned off most of the lights.
    Then he started kissing and hugging her. I
    figured 'Sis must be getting sick, because her face
    started looking funny. He must have thought so
    too, because he put his hand inside her
    blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would.
    Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he
    seemed to have trouble finding her heart.
    I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both
    of them started panting and getting all out of
    breath. His other hand must have been cold
    because he put it under her skirt. About this
    time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh
    and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch.
    This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever,
    because Sis told him she felt really hot.

    Finally, I found out what was making them so sick-a big eel
    had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants
    and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway
    he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting
    away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her
    eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she
    started calling out to God and stuff like that. She
    said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I
    should tell her about the ones down at the lake by
    our house!

    Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill
    the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she
    grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while
    he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it
    over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis
    lay back and spread her legs so she could get a
    scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of
    the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started
    groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost
    upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the
    eel by squashing it between them.

    After awhile they both quit moving and gave a great sigh.
    Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the
    eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and
    some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her
    boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but
    they went back to courting anyway. He started
    hugging and kissing her again.

    By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to
    fight again. I guess eels are like cats- they have nine
    lives or something. This time, Sis jumped
    up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a
    35 minute struggle, they finally killed the
    eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's
    boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
    Little Johnny has a LOT to learn...one day he will be trying to kill eels himself! :lol:
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  10. #220
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    4,159

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Ultimate Female Joke

    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her
    girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy,
    middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take
    her eyes off him.

    The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked
    directly toward her. (As all men will) Before she could offer her apologies
    for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, I'll do
    anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky,
    for $20.00---on one condition.

    Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You
    have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

    The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a
    $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with
    her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully
    said "Clean my house"!!
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

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