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  1. #1971
    jmcdon00's Avatar
    jmcdon00 is offline Jersey Retired Snake Champion, Moto Trial Fest 2: Mountain Pack Champion, LL City Truck 2 Champion, Arithmetic sequence Champion, Troops Tower Defense Champion
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    You know how they say celebrities always die in threes, leave it to Billy Mays to get you the 4th one free.

  2. #1972
    BloodyHorns82's Avatar
    BloodyHorns82 is offline Jersey Retired Feed The Frog Champion
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    [img width=450 height=273]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/guest2/xxknumber.gif[/img]

  3. #1973
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.
    The doctor asked,
    "What can I do for you?"

    The man said,
    "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

    The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

    When the couple finished, the doctor said,
    "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.

    This happened several weeks in a row.
    The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with
    no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

    Finally the doctor asked,
    "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

    The old man said,
    "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and
    we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
    The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."
    SKOL VIKINGS

  4. #1974
    vegasvike's Avatar
    vegasvike is offline Hall of Famer
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "pattyosviKING" wrote:
    A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.
    The doctor asked,
    "What can I do for you?"

    The man said,
    "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

    The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

    When the couple finished, the doctor said,
    "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50.

    This happened several weeks in a row.
    The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with
    no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

    Finally the doctor asked,
    "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

    The old man said,
    "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and
    we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
    The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare."

    thats funny and retch inducing at the same time
    Thanks for the sig Pack93z


    I love when you take breaks from plucking your unibrow and grunting/slapping to makes posts in this forum

  5. #1975
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    979

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A little boy walks into his parents room to see his Mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
    The Mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.

    She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

    The son sees his Mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"

    The mother replies,
    "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

    "You're wasting your time." says the boy.

    "Why is that?" asked his Mom, puzzled.

    "Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over
    and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
    SKOL VIKINGS

  6. #1976
    VikingMike's Avatar
    VikingMike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

    The Italian from New Jersey fumed, 'What's with those jerks? We're waiting fifteen minutes between shots!'

    The Indian doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!'

    The Chinese businessman called out, 'Move it, time is money!'

    The Catholic priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!' said the priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'

    The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'

    The group fell silent for a moment.

    The Catholic priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'

    The Indian doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything that he might be able to do for them.'

    The Chinese businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!'

    The Italian from New Jersey said, 'Why the fuck can't they play at night?
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  7. #1977
    VikingMike's Avatar
    VikingMike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth. One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor. The other is getting oral sex from an 85-year-old toothless woman. They are both thinking the exact same thing...












    Don't look down.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  8. #1978
    purplehelmut's Avatar
    purplehelmut is offline Pro-Bowler
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    The New Bull

    Early one morning as a farmer was hitching his cattle trailer to his pickup, he looked over at his three young bulls and said, "I'm going to town to get a new bull so things are gonna be a bit different 'round here from now on boys."
    And off he went.

    A couple hours later the farmer returned and opened the door of the trailer and out charged the biggest, meanest, snortinest bull the other bulls had ever seen.
    The new bull immediately set about mounting every single cow in the vicinity.
    Upon seeing this the smallest and youngest of the three bulls began snorting, prancing, kicking dirt up in the air and generally raising cane.
    One of his friends said,"What in the world are you doing?"
    The other said, "Yeah, there's no way in hades you can whip that new bull!"
    The young bull replied, "Whip him?
    I just wanna make sure he knows I'm a bull!"

  9. #1979
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    So Snow White, Superman, and Pinocchio are out for a stroll downtown. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Contest: Looking for the most beautiful woman in the world."

    "I'm entering!" says Snow White. After the contest she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?" Dancing around, she shrieks, "I won! I won!"

    They continue walking and they see another sign: "STRONGEST MAN ALIVE CONTEST TODAY ONLY."... Read More

    "Shit, I'm entering," says Superman. After the contest he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" " First place, suckas," he replies. "Like there was any doubt!"

    They continue walking until they see yet another sign: "Are you the biggest liar in the world? ENTER OUR CONTEST!! PRIZES!" Pinocchio says, "Well, dang, I should have this sewn up."

    His friends wait for him outside. After a while, he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. Wiping his face, Pinocchio says, "Who the FUCK is Brett Favre?"
    SKOL VIKINGS

  10. #1980
    Mark_The_Viking is offline Asst. Coach
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    hedgehogs!!!

    Why can't they share hedges
    Purple till i die

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