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  1. #1921
    V4L's Avatar
    V4L
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "oaklandzoo24" wrote:
    “If I was in Minnesota, I guarantee I’d be wearing a ring right now"
    -- Jeff George

    LMAO!!

  2. #1922
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    How true, how true!!!!!




    ------------------------------------------------------------------------




    A French doctor says "medicine in my country is so advanced that



    we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have



    him looking for work in six weeks."




    A German doctor replied, "That is nothing. We can take a lung



    out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for



    work in four weeks."




    The Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced



    that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in



    another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."




    An American doctor, not to be outdone, said "You guys are way



    behind. A few years ago we
    took 2 man with no brains out of



    TEXAS , put them in the White House, and now half the country is



    looking for work."

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  3. #1923
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Perils of a Catholic Upbringing











    As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

    Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

    Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished
    me to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

    Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.

    Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.

    A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach out and touch this person!'






    (not original pic, but you get the point)

    [size=10pt]
    So I did.......
    [/size]





    I won't be at Mass this week.



    EDIT
    Man the pictures are part of the joke....I will work on getting them
    SKOL VIKINGS

  4. #1924
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    [img width=450 height=360]http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h63/westvirginiavikings/goodjoke.jpg[/img]

    http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h63/westvirginiavikings/goodjoke.jpg

  5. #1925
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Lars--a Norwegian from Cook County in Northern Minnesota-- was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Lutheran.

    Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and
    cook a venison steak.

    Now, all of Lars's neighbors were Catholic.....and since it was Lent, they
    were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from
    the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic
    faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

    The priest came to visit Lars, and suggested that Lars convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Lars attended Mass.....and as the priest sprinkled holy water over Lars, he said, "You were born a Lutheran and raised a Lutheran, but now you are Catholic."

    Lars's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the
    wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

    The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed
    into Lars's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold Lars, he
    stopped in amazement and watched.....

    There stood Lars, clutching a small bottle of water which he
    carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You were
    born a deer, and raised a deer, but now you are a walleye.


    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  6. #1926
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Doctors first examination of child;








    A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining



    room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's



    first exam.








    The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked



    his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the



    baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.



    'Breast-fed,' she replied.








    'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor



    ordered.
    She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed,



    kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very



    professional and detailed examination.








    Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said,



    'No wonder this baby is underweight.
    You don't have



    any milk.'








    I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came....


    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  7. #1927
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II




    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy indian war party.

    The indian chief proclaims,
    "So, you are the great Lone Ranger" ...
    "In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days."


    "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
    "What is your first request???'
    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."


    The chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

    Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
    As the indian chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.


    The next morning the indian chief admits
    he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse",
    "But I will still kill you in two days."

    "What is your second request???"


    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
    Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
    As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

    Later that evening, to the chief's surprise, Silver again returns,
    this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
    She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.


    The following morning the indian chief is again impressed.
    "You are indeed a man of many talents,"
    "But I will still kill you tomorrow."
    "What is your last request ???"


    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse,
    ....
    alone."
    The chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

    Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,

    "Listen Very Carefully!!!!"

    FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID ....

    "BRING POSSE"

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  8. #1928
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Cooter and Gomer.








































    Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

    The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

    The three men had always done everything together.
    Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
    Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad..
    You better roll him over.'

    The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley.'

    The mortician thought this was rather strange.
    So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.
    Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.

    'Roll him over.'

    The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley'


    The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'
    Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two assholes.'
    'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.
    'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

    'There's Stanley with them two assholes.'

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  9. #1929
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A minister is walking past the local watering hole and sees a young female parishioner at the bar.
    Realising this is no place for her to be hanging out he enters, only to find her so drunk she can barely move.
    He wraps her arm around his shoulder and tells her he is taking her home.
    As she gets off the bar stool, she falls to the ground, taking the minister with her.

    He struggles and rolls around for several minutes to get them both to their feet.
    The bar tender finally leans over the bar and says, "I am sorry sir.
    We do not allow that type of activity in the place"

    The minister replies, "You don't understand.
    I'm Pastor Fuzz"

    The bartender replies, "
    Well if you're that far, then go ahead"
    SKOL VIKINGS

  10. #1930
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, these are funny!

    1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
    2. I would not allow this student to breed.
    3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
    4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
    5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
    6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
    7. This child has been working with glue too much.
    8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
    9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
    10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
    11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
    12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

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