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  1. #1891
    VikingMike's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Professor Marrdro stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

    Professor Marrdro then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

    The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'


    Professor Marrdro then produced two beers (specifically "the Beast") from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

    "Now," said Professor Marrdro, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, PPo and your favorite passions...and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your fishing boat, hunting equipment and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."

    "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for posting on PPo. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner or fluke fishing. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. The rest is just sand."

    One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beasts represented. The wise Professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked. That just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's

    always room to share a couple of Beasts with a friend."
    ;D



    :
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  2. #1892
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "VikingMike" wrote:
    Professor Marrdro stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

    Professor Marrdro then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

    The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'


    Professor Marrdro then produced two beers (specifically "the Beast") from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

    "Now," said Professor Marrdro, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, PPo and your favorite passions...and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your fishing boat, hunting equipment and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."

    "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for posting on PPo. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner or fluke fishing. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. The rest is just sand."

    One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beasts represented. The wise Professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked. That just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's


    always room to share a couple of Beasts with a friend."
    ;D



    :
    That professor is a wiz man my friend..... ;D
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

  3. #1893
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    The election is over. It is time to repair friendships with the other party. Governor Sarah Palin is doing her part to do just that.

    The rest of the world cannot understand how, after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can kiss and make up. Governor Palin has invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden. She has set up a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment, and hired three prominent experts in their field to assist them.

    Dick Cheney will lead them on the hunt, Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins each evening, and Bill Clinton will entertain their wives and daughters while the hunters are in the field.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  4. #1894
    VikingMike's Avatar
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A man was found dead on the side of the road. He was wearing a bra, panties, fishnet stockings and a Detroit Lions jersey. He also had a cucumber stuck in his butt.

    The cops wanted to ease the embarrassment when breaking the news to the family, so they took off the Lions jersey.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  5. #1895
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "VikingMike" wrote:
    A man was found dead on the side of the road. He was wearing a bra, panties, fishnet stockings and a Detroit Lions jersey. He also had a cucumber stuck in his butt.

    The cops wanted to ease the embarrassment when breaking the news to the family, so they took off the Lions jersey.
    lmao,good one
    El underdog.

  6. #1896
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    MARRIED LIFE - IT MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP, SUCH A HAPPY ENDING !

    A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out to a bar and drink with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

    'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

    "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. "I'm going to have a beer."

    The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.

    The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."

    He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

    The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

    "You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

    "But my sweet honey...at the bar, you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

    "You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN ASS MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKIN HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A FUCKIN BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

    ...and they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

  7. #1897
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II


    Sorry I haven't posted. My grandson took me to New Orleans for a week to cheer me up some.


    A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend.

    After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis,
    something she seemed to love to do.


    Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"

    She replied, "Because I really miss mine."

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  8. #1898
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II




    *LORD... THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER* ...



    Judy got married and had 13 children.
    Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer.

    She married again, and she & Bob had 7 more children.

    Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
    Judy *again*, remarried.... And this time, she & John had 5 more children.

    Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

    Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

    He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,
    "Lord, they are finally together."

    Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:

    "Do you think he means her first, second, or third

    Husband?"
    Margaret replied:....

    "I think he means her *legs*, Ethel...."

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  9. #1899
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II


    And yes, Cajun's gumbo measures up to the best of New Orleans! This joke is for him.


    BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR


    If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as
    sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense
    attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the
    policeman's credibility...

    Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

    A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the
    description of the offender, running several blocks away.'


    Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

    A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'


    Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
    offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

    A:
    'Yes, sir. With my life.'


    Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a
    room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily
    duties?'

    A: 'Yes sir, we do!'


    Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

    A: 'Yes sir, I do.'


    Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

    A: 'Yes sir.'


    Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
    your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you
    share with these same officers?'

    A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and
    sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

    The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
    The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best
    Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  10. #1900
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Some good ones, Fedje...hope you had a good time in New Orleans.
    Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. - H.L. Mencken

    Come from the land of the ice and snow...

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