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  1. #1801
    PurplePeopleEaters's Avatar
    PurplePeopleEaters is offline Jersey Retired
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    Dec 1969
    Posts
    6,901

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "Vikeman" wrote:
    "VikingMike" wrote:
    Rules for the Non-military

    Dear Civilians:

    We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.
    For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand.

    Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

    1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their jiggly butt..

    2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their jiggly butt.

    3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great.Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their jiggly butt.

    4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces, Collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your jiggly butt kicked.

    5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an jiggly butt-kicking (children are exempt).

    6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', Inform them of their mistake - and kick their jiggly butt.

    7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your gol 'darnit feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe jiggly butt-kicking.

    8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief(CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC. Regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your jiggly butt kicked.

    9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying It! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore could kick your jiggly butt!

    10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me- if you see anyone calling those gol 'darnit psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their jiggly butt!

    11. 'Flyboy' (*Air Force*), 'Jarhead' (*Marines*),'Grunt' (*Army*), 'Squid' (*Navy*), 'Puddle Jumpers' (*Coast Guard*), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your jiggly butt kicked.

    12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its jiggly butt kicked.
    Thank you and all American vets for defending my freedom VikingMike.
    It should be against the law in this country for citizens to disrespect the flag or American vets in any way, shape or form.
    Not saying that I agree with disrespecting the flag or veterans in any way, because that's just plain silly, but think about what you're saying for a second. Making disrespecting the flag illegal is exactly the type of ideal that we fight against. When the military fights for our freedoms, that means they fight for our freedom to think anything we want, whether it's about the military or even the very country we live in. It's a strange concept, but once you start controlling or forcing people to think a certain way about certain things, you are moving far away from the basis of ideals this country was formed on.

  2. #1802
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Dec 1969
    Posts
    4,159

    Re: Official Joke Page II


    Let's keep the thread on jokes please.

    Never Lose Your Grandkids!


    A heartwarming story.


    A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

    He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my
    grandpa!'

    'The cop asked, 'What's he like?'

    The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

    'J & B Scotch whiskey and ladies with big tits.'


    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  3. #1803
    i_bleed_purple's Avatar
    i_bleed_purple is offline Jersey Retired
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    Dec 2005
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    Canadialand
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    16,778
    Blog Entries
    2

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Minnesota Vikings Coaching situation

  4. #1804
    V4L's Avatar
    V4L
    V4L is offline Jersey Retired
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
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    20,612

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "i_bleed_purple" wrote:
    Minnesota Vikings Coaching situation

    HAHAHAHAHA

  5. #1805
    Vikeman is offline Asst. Coach
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    641

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "PurplePeopleEaters" wrote:
    "Vikeman" wrote:
    "VikingMike" wrote:
    Rules for the Non-military

    Dear Civilians:

    We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.
    For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand.

    Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

    1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their jiggly butt..

    2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their jiggly butt.

    3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great.Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their jiggly butt.

    4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces, Collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your jiggly butt kicked.

    5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an jiggly butt-kicking (children are exempt).

    6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', Inform them of their mistake - and kick their jiggly butt.

    7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your gol 'darnit feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe jiggly butt-kicking.

    8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief(CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC. Regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your jiggly butt kicked.

    9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying It! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore could kick your jiggly butt!

    10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me- if you see anyone calling those gol 'darnit psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their jiggly butt!

    11. 'Flyboy' (*Air Force*), 'Jarhead' (*Marines*),'Grunt' (*Army*), 'Squid' (*Navy*), 'Puddle Jumpers' (*Coast Guard*), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your jiggly butt kicked.

    12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its jiggly butt kicked.
    Thank you and all American vets for defending my freedom VikingMike.
    It should be against the law in this country for citizens to disrespect the flag or American vets in any way, shape or form.
    Not saying that I agree with disrespecting the flag or veterans in any way, because that's just plain silly, but think about what you're saying for a second. Making disrespecting the flag illegal is exactly the type of ideal that we fight against. When the military fights for our freedoms, that means they fight for our freedom to think anything we want, whether it's about the military or even the very country we live in. It's a strange concept, but once you start controlling or forcing people to think a certain way about certain things, you are moving far away from the basis of ideals this country was formed on.
    I am not a vet.
    I know I have vets to thank for everything I have and every opportunity I have or have had.
    Disrespecting the flag is the same thing as peeing on a vets grave.
    Should that be legal????????
    This is clearly not the type of government our fore fathers had in mind.
    We don't stick to those plans, so why shouldn't other things change???????
    A good friend will help you move...a best friend will help you move a body.

  6. #1806
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    4,159

    Re: Official Joke Page II


    [size=14pt]This is a joke thread...please take this discussion elsewhere-like your own thread if you wish to continue it.
    [/size]

    "Vikeman" wrote:
    "PurplePeopleEaters" wrote:
    "Vikeman" wrote:
    "VikingMike" wrote:
    Rules for the Non-military

    Dear Civilians:

    We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military.
    For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand.

    Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

    1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem - kick their jiggly butt..

    2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their jiggly butt.

    3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great.Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their jiggly butt.

    4. (GUYS) If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces, Collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old. Now, it will only make you look stupid and get your jiggly butt kicked.

    5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an jiggly butt-kicking (children are exempt).

    6. If you witness someone calling the US Coast Guard 'non-military', Inform them of their mistake - and kick their jiggly butt.

    7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your gol 'darnit feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe jiggly butt-kicking.

    8. Don't try to discuss politics with a military member or a veteran. We are Americans, and we all bleed the same, regardless of our party affiliation. Our Chain of Command is to include our Commander-In-Chief(CinC). The President (for those who didn't know) is our CinC. Regardless of political party. We have no inside track on what happens inside those big important buildings where all those representatives meet All we know is that when those civilian representatives screw up the situation, they call upon the military to go straighten it out. If you keep asking us the same stupid questions repeatedly, you will get your jiggly butt kicked.

    9. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying It! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore could kick your jiggly butt!

    10. Bin Laden and the Taliban are not Communists, so stop saying 'Let's go kill those Commies!' And stop asking us where he is! Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me- if you see anyone calling those gol 'darnit psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their jiggly butt!

    11. 'Flyboy' (*Air Force*), 'Jarhead' (*Marines*),'Grunt' (*Army*), 'Squid' (*Navy*), 'Puddle Jumpers' (*Coast Guard*), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your jiggly butt kicked.

    12. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its jiggly butt kicked.
    Thank you and all American vets for defending my freedom VikingMike.
    It should be against the law in this country for citizens to disrespect the flag or American vets in any way, shape or form.
    Not saying that I agree with disrespecting the flag or veterans in any way, because that's just plain silly, but think about what you're saying for a second. Making disrespecting the flag illegal is exactly the type of ideal that we fight against. When the military fights for our freedoms, that means they fight for our freedom to think anything we want, whether it's about the military or even the very country we live in. It's a strange concept, but once you start controlling or forcing people to think a certain way about certain things, you are moving far away from the basis of ideals this country was formed on.
    I am not a vet.
    I know I have vets to thank for everything I have and every opportunity I have or have had.
    Disrespecting the flag is the same thing as peeing on a vets grave.
    Should that be legal????????
    This is clearly not the type of government our fore fathers had in mind.
    We don't stick to those plans, so why shouldn't other things change???????
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  7. #1807
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    979

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

    He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?'

    The boy replied, 'What turkey?'

    The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'

    The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'

    The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.

    If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'

    The little boy said, 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'



















    May your stuffing be tasty
















    May your turkey plump,
















    May your potatoes and gravy
















    Have never a lump.
















    May your yams be delicious
















    And your pies take the prize,
















    And may your Thanksgiving dinner
















    Stay off your thighs!
























































    HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!!
    SKOL VIKINGS

  8. #1808
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    979

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    What's the difference between kinky and perverse?



    Kinky is using a feather.
    Perverse is using the whole bird

    ;D ;D ;D
    SKOL VIKINGS

  9. #1809
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Dec 1969
    Posts
    4,159

    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Ole calls home to Lena and says, "Honey I been asked to go fishing at da
    big lake up in Canada vit my boss and Sven und his friends. Ve'll be
    gone for a week." "Dis is a good time for me to get dat promotion for me
    you've been vanting so vould you please pack me clothes for a veek and
    set out my rod and tackle box. Ve're leaving from vork und I vill swing
    by da house to pick my things up. Oh! Please
    pack my new blue silk
    pajamas."

    Lena thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does
    exactly what her husband asked.

    The following weekend Ole comes home a little tired but otherwise
    looking good. Lena welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish

    Ole says, "Ya!! Ya! Lot's of valleye, some Bluegill, und a few Pike. But
    vy didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

    Lena replies "I did; dey were in your tackle box."

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  10. #1810
    Marrdro's Avatar
    Marrdro is offline Beware My Spreadsheet, Bitches!
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    43,935

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Most of you were probably unaware that Webby, while not a brilliant scholar, is a gifted portrait artist.
    Over time his fame grew, and, soon people from all over the country were coming to him in Minnesota for paintings and formal portraits.

    One day while Webby was mowing the lawn, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo.

    She asked him if he would paint her in the nude.


    This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object;
    and that she was willing to pay him $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife,

    Webby asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Mrs. Webby, his missus.

    In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes."
    Many many thanks to my talented friend Jos for the new Sig.http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v343/josdin00/Vikings/Marrdro_sig.jpg

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