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  1. #1521
    tgorsegner's Avatar
    tgorsegner is offline Coordinator
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:


    Cajun in jail? This sounds like something he would do!




    BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY



    Charlotte, North Carolina.
    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
    In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

    The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued, and WON!

    (Stay with me.)

    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
    The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".


    NOW FOR THE BEST PART.


    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
    Arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

    With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

    This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
    Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

    ONLY IN AMERICA!

    NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS!
    that story is a Brad Paisley song....


    VikesFan787, Thanks for the awesome sig!

  2. #1522
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    4,159

    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Ole 'n Lena Have A Baby (????)







    Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night,






    Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink it's time!" So Ole






    fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the






    hospital to have their first baby. She had a little






    boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "A






    son! Ain't dat great!" Well, Ole got excited by dis,






    but yust den the doctor spoke up and said,






    "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor den






    held up a little girl. He said, "Hey, Ole! You got






    you a daughter!" She's a pretty little ting, too."






    Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor






    said, "Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done yet!"






    The doctor then delivered another boy and said,






    "Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!" Ole was






    flabbergasted by this news!







    A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their






    three children home in the






    self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he






    asked Lena,






    "How come we got tree on the first try?" Lena






    said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline






    and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere






    3-in-1 Oil?" Ole said, "Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a






    dam good ting I didn't get the WD 40.
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  3. #1523
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Bow Hunting vs. French Animal Rights Activist


    Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting.

    The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, "Are you my friend?" or is it "Are you the one who killed my brother?"

    Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, "What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French."

    The interview ended at that point.

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  4. #1524
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    "Da folks in the next apartment must have had one big party last night. Dey yelled and pounded on da walls until 2 AM." said Lena to Hilda.

    "Oh, my, did dey keep you awake?" inquired Hilda.

    "Vell, no", replied Lena. "Luckily I was practicing on my tuba".

    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  5. #1525
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Amish Farmer!



    A Pennsylvania Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man
    drinking from his pond, with his hand.



    The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin
    gesheissen."



    Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it."



    The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in
    English."

    The Amish man says: "Use two hands, you'll get more."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  6. #1526
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:


    Amish Farmer!



    A Pennsylvania Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man
    drinking from his pond, with his hand.




    The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin
    gesheissen."




    Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it."




    The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in
    English."

    The Amish man says: "Use two hands, you'll get more."
    LMAO!!!

  7. #1527
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II














    Ralph's Surgery



    When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted,

    as was his wife.































    But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches.


































    Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his

    wife went to see a prominent urologist.


    After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition

    could be fixed through corrective surgery.































    "How long will Ralph be on crutches?" the wife asked anxiously.


    "Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.


    "Well," said the wife coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?


    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  8. #1528
    NodakPaul's Avatar
    NodakPaul is offline Jersey Retired
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    West Fargo, ND
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    Blog Entries
    1

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "tgorsegner" wrote:
    "FedjeViking" wrote:


    Cajun in jail? This sounds like something he would do!




    BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY



    Charlotte, North Carolina.
    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
    In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

    The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued, and WON!

    (Stay with me.)

    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
    The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".


    NOW FOR THE BEST PART.


    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
    Arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

    With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

    This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
    Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

    ONLY IN AMERICA!

    NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS!
    that story is a Brad Paisley song....
    This urban legend has been around since the mid 60's.
    Brad Paisley wrote The Cigar Song in 2003 based on it.
    Zeus wrote:
    When are you going to realize that picking out the 20 bad throws this year and ignoring the 300 good ones does not make your point?

    =Z=

  9. #1529
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    26,569

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    I just had a dream about it

    A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

    "You'll know tonight." he said.

    That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

  10. #1530
    tgorsegner's Avatar
    tgorsegner is offline Coordinator
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "NodakPaul" wrote:
    "tgorsegner" wrote:
    "FedjeViking" wrote:


    Cajun in jail? This sounds like something he would do!




    BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY



    Charlotte, North Carolina.
    A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

    Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
    In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

    The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The lawyer sued, and WON!

    (Stay with me.)

    Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
    The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

    Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".


    NOW FOR THE BEST PART.


    After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him
    Arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

    With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

    This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent
    Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

    ONLY IN AMERICA!

    NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS!
    that story is a Brad Paisley song....
    This urban legend has been around since the mid 60's.
    Brad Paisley wrote The Cigar Song in 2003 based on it.

    hmmm good trivia fact to know


    VikesFan787, Thanks for the awesome sig!

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