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  1. #141
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Wild Friday Night at Our House



    HOW TRUE IT IS
    Another year has passed
    And we're all a little older.
    Last summer felt hotter
    And winter seems much colder.

    I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
    To put down on my pad,
    But lots of things that come to mind
    Just make me kind of sad.

    There was a time not long ago
    When life was quite a blast.
    Now I fully understand
    About "Living in the Past."

    We used to go to friends' homes,
    Football games and lunches.
    Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
    And after-funeral brunches.

    We used to have hangovers,
    From parties that were gay.
    Now we suffer body aches
    And sleep the night away.

    We used to go out dining,
    And couldn't get our fill.
    Now we ask for doggie bags,
    Come home and take a pill.

    We used to often travel
    To places near and far.
    Now we get backaches
    From riding in the car.

    We used to go out shopping
    For new clothing at the Mall
    But, now we never bother...
    All the sizes are too small.

    That, my friend is how life is,
    And now our tale is told.
    So, enjoy each day and live it up...
    Before you're too darn old!!
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  2. #142
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    Wild Friday Night at Our House



    HOW TRUE IT IS
    Another year has passed
    And we're all a little older.
    Last summer felt hotter
    And winter seems much colder.

    I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
    To put down on my pad,
    But lots of things that come to mind
    Just make me kind of sad.

    There was a time not long ago
    When life was quite a blast.
    Now I fully understand
    About "Living in the Past."

    We used to go to friends' homes,
    Football games and lunches.
    Now we go to therapy, to hospitals,
    And after-funeral brunches.

    We used to have hangovers,
    From parties that were ***.
    Now we suffer body aches
    And sleep the night away.

    We used to go out dining,
    And couldn't get our fill.
    Now we ask for doggie bags,
    Come home and take a pill.

    We used to often travel
    To places near and far.
    Now we get backaches
    From riding in the car.

    We used to go out shopping
    For new clothing at the Mall
    But, now we never bother...
    All the sizes are too small.

    That, my friend is how life is,
    And now our tale is told.
    So, enjoy each day and live it up...
    Before you're too darn old!!
    How true it is!

    Tonight, we're gonna party like we're only twenty-nine...
    thirty (that's a three and zero), party loose overtime...
    yeah, well, tonight we're gonna party like we're only twenty-nine...yeah...only twenty-nine...
    don't you wanna be...only twenty-nine....

    (sung to "1999" by You Know Who)

    :lol:
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  3. #143
    threadking's Avatar
    threadking is offline Waterboy
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    Dec 1969
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    8

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    THE WORST 4 THINGS ABOUT BEING A PENIS

    1. You have a hole in your head.

    2. Your next door neighbors are nuts.

    3. Your always being followed by a asshole.

    4. When you get excited you throw up, and tip over.

  4. #144
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    4,159

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A LITTLE STORY ABOUT A KOALA BEAR


    A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint
    when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says,
    "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"
    The koala says:
    "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

    So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have
    a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and
    is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so
    stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

    A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him
    to the side, then asks the little lizard:

    "What's the matter with you?"

    The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking
    a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into
    the river while taking a drink.

    The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain
    forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and
    he looks up and says "Hey you!"

    So the koala looks down at him and says:

    "Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  5. #145
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a
    rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of
    the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking
    the dogs neck.

    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
    interview the boy.

    "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing
    in his notebook.

    "But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied.

    "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the
    reporter and starts again. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From
    Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.

    "I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said.

    "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What
    team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

    "I'm a Cowboys fan," the child said.

    The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little
    Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  6. #146
    cajunvike's Avatar
    cajunvike is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a
    rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of
    the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking
    the dogs neck.

    A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to
    interview the boy.

    "Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing
    in his notebook.

    "But I'm not a Giants fan," the little hero replied.

    "Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were." said the
    reporter and starts again. "Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From
    Horrific Attack" he continued writing in his notebook.

    "I'm not a Jets fan either," the boy said.

    "I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What
    team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

    "I'm a Cowboys fan," the child said.

    The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little
    Redneck Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet."
    :sign5: :laughing3:
    BANNED OR DEAD...I'LL TAKE EITHER ONE

  7. #147
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Grandma Doesn't Know Everything


    Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
    He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he
    came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called
    when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

    She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the
    truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

    Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back
    outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he
    came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse!
    It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  8. #148
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A mother and her 5 year old son were flying Southwest Airlines from
    Kansas City to Chicago.

    The son [who had been looking out the window] turned to his mother and
    asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why
    don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the
    stewardess. So the boy walked to the galley and asked the stewardess the
    same question.

    The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

    The boy said, "Yes she did."

    "Well then, tell your mother there are no baby planes because Southwest
    always pulls out on time! Have your mother explain that to you!"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  9. #149
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    A blonde walked into an electronics store and told the salesman, "I want that T.V."

    and she points to the display.

    He looks at her and tells her, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to sell that to blondes."

    So the blonde, all ticked off, walks out of the store.

    An hour later, she walks back into the same store with a black wig on. She walks up to the
    salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

    and she points to the display.

    He looks at her and said, "I'm sorry, but I already told you we can't sell that to blondes."

    So she walks out of the store mad again without a T.V.

    A few weeks later she gets a makeover, new hair color and everything, and she walks back
    into that electronics store. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

    and points to the display.

    The salesman shakes his head and tells her, "I told you twice already, I can't sell that to
    blondes."

    The blonde looks at him and says, "How do you know that I'm a blonde?"

    He looks at her and states, "Because, that's a microwave."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  10. #150
    Bdubya is offline Star Spokesman
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    And the talent agent says "what do you call the act?"

    and the dad says "THE ARISTOCRATS!"
    MC's run away when I kick it
    They act so chicken, they should come with a large drink and a biscuit
    -Canibus

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