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  1. #1401
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Minnesota - Jeff Foxworthy


    If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", you might live in Minnesota.

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota

    If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Minnesota.

    If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Minnesota.

    If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have either a pet or a child named "Kirby", you might live in Minnesota.

    If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.

    If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters, .... you might live in Minnesota......


    Series II. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE MINNESOTAN WHEN:

    1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
    2. "Vacation" means going up north past Brainerd for the weekend.
    3. You measure distance in hours.
    4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
    5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
    6. Your whole family wears Viking purple to church on Sunday.
    7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
    8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
    9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
    10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
    11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
    12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
    13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
    14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
    15. You refer to the Vikings as "we."
    16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
    17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
    18. You have no problem pronouncing Wayzata.
    19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
    20. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pig's Eye Pilsner.
    21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
    22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
    23. Down South to you means Iowa.
    24. A brat is something you eat.
    25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
    26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
    27. You know how to polka.
    28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
    29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
    30. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
    31. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends.
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  2. #1402
    NodakPaul's Avatar
    NodakPaul is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters, .... you might live in Minnesota......
    LMAO.
    Man I remember those commercials!



    Hamm's the beer refreshing,


    Hamm's the beer refreshing.

    [youtube=425,350]hc7HoWEk6y8[/youtube]
    Zeus wrote:
    When are you going to realize that picking out the 20 bad throws this year and ignoring the 300 good ones does not make your point?

    =Z=

  3. #1403
    COJOMAY is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    Didn't they used to have a nice park around the Hamm's factory where they kept some deer. I remember one night some guy shot one of them. (At least I think it was the Hamm's facroty.)
    Kentucky Vikes Fan

    When you require nothing, you get nothing; when you expect nothing, you will find nothing; when you embrace nothing, all you will have is nothing.

  4. #1404
    baumy300 is offline Star Spokesman
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    Dec 1969
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    2,065

    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "NodakPaul" wrote:
    "FedjeViking" wrote:
    If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters, .... you might live in Minnesota......
    LMAO.
    Man I remember those commercials!



    Hamm's the beer refreshing,


    Hamm's the beer refreshing.

    [youtube=425,350]hc7HoWEk6y8[/youtube]
    I never had tried Hamms before, so last year I found a ton of it for cheap and supplied it for the beer pong tourney. Everyone made fun of me right away and called me things like "Cheap."

    I didn't understand until I drank it. It didn't stop any of us, but we all got the sh*ts man.

  5. #1405
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II


    Ole's New Pick-Up...

    Sven was walking home when Ole pulls over in a new pickup truck and asks him
    if he wants a ride.

    Sven agrees and climbs in.

    After a bit, Sven says, "Ole, dis sure is a nice pickup."

    'Ya," says Ole, "I got it fer Lena."

    Sven thinks for a bit, "Gut trade."
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  6. #1406
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Technology

    After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists
    found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the
    conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more
    than 100 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, British
    scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters and, shortly after, headlines in
    the UK newspapers read:
    "British archaeologists find traces of 200-year-old copper wire and have
    concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech
    communications network one hundred years earlier than the Scots."

    One week later, "The Klub", a Sunburg, Minnesota newspaper reported the
    following:

    "After digging as deep as 25 feet in corn fields near Mud Lake, Ole
    Olafson, a self taught landscaper, reported that he found absolutely
    nothing. Ole has, therefore, concluded that 300 years ago Norwegians
    were already using wireless."


    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  7. #1407
    stateVIKE44's Avatar
    stateVIKE44 is offline Pro-Bowler
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "FedjeViking" wrote:


    Minnesota - Jeff Foxworthy


    If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy", you might live in Minnesota.

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota

    If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Minnesota.

    If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Minnesota.

    If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have either a pet or a child named "Kirby", you might live in Minnesota.

    If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.

    If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.

    If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters, .... you might live in Minnesota......


    Series II. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE MINNESOTAN WHEN:

    1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
    2. "Vacation" means going up north past Brainerd for the weekend.
    3. You measure distance in hours.
    4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
    5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
    6. Your whole family wears Viking purple to church on Sunday.
    7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
    8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
    9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
    10. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
    11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
    12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
    13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
    14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
    15. You refer to the Vikings as "we."
    16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
    17. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
    18. You have no problem pronouncing Wayzata.
    19. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
    20. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pig's Eye Pilsner.
    21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
    22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
    23. Down South to you means Iowa.
    24. A brat is something you eat.
    25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
    26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
    27. You know how to polka.
    28. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
    29. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
    30. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
    31. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends.
    haha....someone's been lurking on PP.O!! I love it!
    "I play for the love of the game; I play because there is no greater feeling than hearing 80,000 fans screaming when you smack somebody!"
    ~ Jared Allen

  8. #1408
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II

    "stateVIKE44" wrote:
    haha....someone's been lurking on PP.O!! I love it!
    No, not lurking really. Just an old lady in her senior year in college! I read when I can, but save the writing for my thesis.
    ;D Just wait until I graduate! I love that Jeff lurks however.
    ;D



    Ole lay dying, and he asked, "Is my vife here?"

    Lena replied, "Yes, she's right here Ole."

    "Are my children here?" he mumbles

    They answered, "Yes, ve're all here."

    He the asked, "Are my relatives all here?"

    They said, "Yes. Ve're all here."

    Then Ole asked, "If you're all here, den vhy is da light on in da kitchen?"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  9. #1409
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    A couple short jokes today...



    Little Ole's teacher told him that he appeared to have musical ability, so Ole and Lena bought him a shoe horn.


    ****


    Sven asked Ole, "Vhat do you get vhen you mix holy water und prune yuice?"
    Ole said, "Vell, I tink you get a religious movement!"
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

  10. #1410
    FedjeViking is offline Ring of Fame
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    Re: Official Joke Page II



    Old People



    I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
    We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was
    watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair
    in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept
    staring at him.



    The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the
    teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man,
    never done anything wild in your life?'



    Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
    his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did
    not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
    I was just wondering if you were my son.'
    [move]"Our day WILL come!! I just hope I LIVE long enough to see it!"[/move]

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