Thread: Official Joke Page II

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole,
we both
sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while
I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Still holding the cow's tail up,

I yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!!'. . . . .


I don't remember much after that."

DiGiTaL

Ole walks into the kitchen and finds Lena sitting at the table sobbing wildly.

"What's the problem?" he asks.
She replies, "My brother Lars called to wish me happy birthday."

"So why did that upset you?" he asks.

In response she wails, "He's been arrested."

Ole asks, "What was he charged with?"

"I don't know," she sobs. "He just said he was calling me on his cell
phone."

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"

She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says gain "Man! My hands are really freezing!"

She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."

He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.

When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"

She looks at him and says, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DON'T YOUR EARS EVER GET COLD?"

Heres a good one........

Webby is Bono

Bono is Webby......
;D

What do you call a Packer fan with a sheep under each arm?



















































A pimp (for fellow Packer fans)!!!

Bush and Cheney stop at a small cafe for breakfast. The waitress asks Cheney, "What would you like Mr. Vice President?"

He replies,"How about a bran muffin, a bowl of fruit and a glass of orange juice."

She writes it down, then turns to the President and asks, "What would YOU like, Mr. President?"

He replies, "How about a quickie?"

She looks visibly stunned, and says to Mr. Bush, "Mr. President, you sound like President Clinton did!", and walks away in a huff.

As President Bush turns away from watching her storm off into the kitchen, he turns to Cheney and says, "What did I say? What did I do?"

"First of all", says Cheney, "It's pronounced quiche."

"shockzilla" wrote:

Bush and Cheney stop at a small cafe for breakfast. The waitress asks Cheney, "What would you like Mr. Vice President?"

He replies,"How about a bran muffin, a bowl of fruit and a glass of orange juice."

She writes it down, then turns to the President and asks, "What would YOU like, Mr. President?"

He replies, "How about a quickie?"

She looks visibly stunned, and says to Mr. Bush, "Mr. President, you sound like President Clinton did!", and walks away in a huff.

As President Bush turns away from watching her storm off into the kitchen, he turns to Cheney and says, "What did I say? What did I do?"

"First of all", says Cheney, "It's pronounced quiche."

And second of all, REAL men don't eat QUICHE...but then we already KNEW that Bush wasn't a REAL man anyway!

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.

"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.

"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.

"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.

The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."

"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.

"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"

"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

"BadlandsViking" wrote:

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.

"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.

"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.

"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.

The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."

"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.

"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"

"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

• [li][/li]
  [li][/li]

And the next time that that dumbass client doesn't have Mr. Smith to save his sorry ass in court, he will WISH that he didn't take Mr. Smith's death so lightly!

What non-lawyers fail to realize is that a lawyer's case is only as good as his client...if he has a crooked client, the lawyer's hands are somewhat tied.
IF you get rid of the crooked clients, then the lawyer isn't forced to defend them.
And before you argue that the lawyer has a choice, I would agree....BUT everyone is entitled to fair representation...and if the client can't find representation, then the court will APPOINT representation...many times on the TAXPAYER'S dime.
So start bashing the crooked CLIENTS first!

A company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?

After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers. The first one says, "My answer is, there IS no answer."

The second one says, "My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."

The third guy says, "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names, it's either, Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."



He got the job.