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  1. #1
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
    BBQ Platypus is offline Team Alumni
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    Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    Hi, my name is BBQ Platypus...and I'm a dork who can't get laid. It all started the second I was born when I started crying because I was a baby and I couldn't get laid. That pattern has continued (along with the crying) for my entire life (only now I don't have an excuse like "my cojones have not dropped yet"). Then one night, while quietly sobbing myself to sleep, I came up with an idea. It wasn't an idea that could help get me any, but it was a non-suicide-related thought, which I perceived to be a major breakthrough. I decided to start an official "Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid" support group. You don't have to be a virgin, you just have to be a dorky heterosexual male who can't get any woman into bed with you. How can you tell if you're a dork who can't get laid? Here are some telltale signs:

    - Women will cross a busy city street just to avoid having to get within three feet of you on the sidewalk.
    - You are blinded with pepper spray by any female that you talk to for any reason (even if you're just asking for directions).
    - You masturbate more than the recommended total of six times per day.
    - You frequently find yourself thinking "God, I am such a loser. Why can't I get laid?"
    - You are so pathetically dorky and hideous that no amount of alcohol, hallucinogens, crack, heroin, or GHB could get a girl into your apartment.
    - You are desperately searching for a member of the opposite sex who is more pathetic and ugly than you are.

    If any of these statements apply to you, you're a pitiful dweeb with no sex life! If you think that you're the most pathetic man on the planet, join the "Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!" Support Group! Because at the "Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!" Support Group, you're only TIED for the title of the most pathetic man on the face of the planet!

    :cheers:


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

  2. #2
    triedandtruevikesfan is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor guy!

  3. #3
    RK.'s Avatar
    RK.
    RK. is offline Ring of Fame Rally Cross II Champion
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    Find a Dorkette. :razz:

    WWBGD

  4. #4
    shockzilla's Avatar
    shockzilla is offline PPO Ambassador
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    If I wasn't married I'd probably join!!!
    PPO Ambassador, Defender of the Purple Faith and Guardian of the Gates of Valhalla

  5. #5
    Cagey_Fan is offline Rookie
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    hey man thats tough, but hang in there you'll get lucky someday. But in the mean time every once in awhile turn your hand around and then it feels like someone else is doing it, if ya know what i mean. :shock: :lol:

  6. #6
    Warp's Avatar
    Warp is offline Asst. Coach
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    hey where do i sign? :shock: just kiddin :lol: :razz:

  7. #7
    Mr-holland's Avatar
    Mr-holland is offline Team Alumni
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    I ain't a dork, but can't get laid.
    Where to sign?
    Rosie O'Donnell is a dude!

  8. #8
    singersp's Avatar
    singersp is offline PPO Newshound
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    You are not a Dork unless you have bruises on your face where people have been poking you with 10 foot poles.

    "If at first you don't succeed, parachuting is not for you"

  9. #9
    BadlandsVikings's Avatar
    BadlandsVikings is offline Jersey Retired
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    "singersp" wrote:
    You are not a Dork unless you have bruises on your face where people have been poking you with 10 foot poles.
    lol

  10. #10
    BBQ Platypus's Avatar
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    Re: Help! I'm a Dork Who Can't Get Laid!

    "Mr-holland" wrote:
    I ain't a dork, but can't get laid.
    Where to sign?
    Right on this line:

    ________________________________
    Signature of Involuntarily Celibate Man


    "This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."

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