Just got back in Philly Sunday night with a smile on my face, a rumble in my lungs, and eyes as red as the sign at Augie's strip club.
Thursday--Pulled in to Minnesota, immediately noticed goofy accents. Kept thinking of Marge and Mr. Gunderson. Laughed a lot about that. Then again, everyone said we sounded like thugs. Ate a beefeater at Brit's, sucked down three Guinness. Buddy asked the waiter where a good titty bar. He seemed horrified, but came back with an answer-Rick's is the only one open that early. Go to Rick's, spend hours there drinking cheap Miller Lite. At the point, I decide that Miller Lite is the best for me. Hotel, shower, Bootleggers till 2 a.m. Guy from Lion King yells at us for being loud in hallway at hotel. We pee on his door.
Friday--Mall of America is bunch of hype but your mass transit system kicks ass. It's an honor system and we're not honorable. Go back, shower, and go back to Rick's for more T & A. Later, we grind up against women till 2 a.m. at Sneak Pete's. Security says it's our last warning at hotel.
Saturday--Woke up, went to Hooters and drank four pitchers of M Lite. Bought a case of m lite and two bottles of Boon's and watch Rutgers and Penn State get f'd while get f'd. Go to Bootleggers for Halloween---found tons of money on the floor. Buddy almost punches a girl. We steal a gat. Walk home among the hot women of Minneapolis (You folks are definitely prettier than us)
Sunday-Find eagles fans in one of your few parking lots. Your tailgaiting situation blows but we smoked a dub and drank down a bottle of Macallan before we go in. No one messes with us inside, in fact, it seems as if we hate our team more than you do. Your bugle horn is g@y and your fans are lame. The damn stadium was clearing out with 5 minutes left. Luckily, your entire team is Peterson. Westbrook is better and so are we. Luckily, there's a brawl in like 235. Tark, some dork with a purple head, said he never heard a fight song so loud as ours. Got sucked of stadium. No one messes with us. Disappointed to say the least.
Later, we literally take over Sneaky Petes and it gets truly ugly. Just ask around.
Your city is clean, easy to get around, and the women were vixens. It's just you guys, the fans, who sort of suck. Sorry. I'll see you around sometime.
First of all you should have went to BJ's, great titty bar(and a great way to forget about a viking loss), Ricks is overpriced.
You are right about us being better looking, I think philly needs to get there drinking water inspected because something is making you poor bastards ugly as pooh.
Sounds like you are very rude, which explains why you spend all your money on boose and strippers and don't bring any chicks with you or hook up with any while you were here.
[glow=red,2,300]So you were getting drunk and fucking? That must have made for an akward ride home.
Congradulations on the team victory, your team still sucks, but at least for one game they sucked slightly less than the vikings. At least the Vikings are rebuilding, what's your excuse?